18 December 2000

I forgot this webby is primarily on windsurfing trainings...I'm so tempted to pen just spontaneous thoughts than note down technical details of every race. We did not have water training on Saturday as there was 0 wind. We had our surprise physical fitness test instead, which I felt, was simply no better than a normal day's training. We were tested on 6 events and my results are as below: 1) Pull-ups (max no. possible) = 4 2) Sit-ups (max no. possible in 2 mins flat) = 73 3) Back Extension (max no. possible in 2 mins flat) = 95 4) Bench Pull (Max weight, 1 rep) = 40 kg 5) Bench Pull (20 kgs, max reps possible, no time restriction) = 39 6) 5.3 km run (fastest timing possible) = 30.16 min Ok...my run is the worst event of all...in the team as well. That goes to show why there r much fats on my body and how much time I have on my hands to run...I tend to lose out to my buddy on events that require time to train or practice technique, in particular (5) & (6). I won the 4 other items hands down. We did the run on Sunday morning, followed by 3 hrs of water-training. The aches have not spared me even as I'm sitting here comfortably. From the physical fitness test results, I'm fully convinced that my 'smart' trainings have shown results. I hope this does not sound boastful as I really am not intending it to be so. An athlete who has limited time and energy, with a full-time job has no other option but to devise smart training methods as well as to know opponents' weakneseses. For me, it's easy because I have only one opponent in theory. I had noted down my variables which can be improved with time and constants which cannot be changed (e.g. personality or ingrained weaknesses). I had focused on those variables and improved on them and trusted in God for the constants to change me inside out. Both had worked. Worse thing was, I had gone thru' this test at one of my lowest fitness seasons, not to mention the rough day at work on Friday. I know I could have a lot better, esp the pull-ups & the run. Water-training: 4-6 knots; easterly strong current; easterly wind; cloudy Race 1: I had fought for an ok start, front-line getting clear wind, ok pumping speed. The shorter the start line, the less it matters whether you start at boat-end or port end. Just aim for clear wind and be on front line. I charged out, pumped real hard only to have Jon tack right in front of me. I shouted starboard but he stayed put, saying he doesn't know the race started. Ok...tough luck on me...I tried my best not to fall, jammed my board into his feet (ouch! I couldn't help it...), quickly tacked, and tried to gain lost grounds. I lost much grounds in this collision. Jon & I were the last of the fleet to untangle and chase the rest. I played the middle ground, felt out wind shifts, focused on my boardspeed and reached the upwind mark at a decent position. Many had played extremes and suffered. The wind is very shifty and that is a no-no, as much as the gains can be big, the losses can choke u too. In a race, consistency is the key! My downwind speed and pumping was decent too...I pumped hard, rode on the waves and I beat my buddy half a leg. When the wind is shifty, it's as important to gybe in the downwind as you don't want to be in a lifter. You want to be in a header as it will bring you closer to the mark. I definitely do not have the better sailing fitness so I just tried my best to play smart. Race 2: Same conditions...My BEST race in a few weeks. Good start and clear wind, I played out wind shifts and the test of a sailor's tactics is at the last tack to upwind mark. My buddy was actually ahead of me though at a bigger angle but further ahead. I figured the strong current will push me to the mark fast so I underlayed A LOT. I jammed straight to the mark & i even had to bear down a little. Then I knew that I could have underlayed 10 degrees more. Argghhh! But by then, my buddy who has devised a beautiful rhumb line to the mark had overlayed TOO MUCH coz the current pushed her down even much more. I was the 3rd sailor in the fleet of 9-10 sailors to round the upwind buoy. I continued my downwind mission with much gusto which could not outdo the boys. I lost out 2 positions to finish 5th overall. Not too bad...when usually I would fight super hard to get a good bottom position among the boys. ahaha... Race 3: Wind is more shifty and current is stronger than in previous races. We had at least 4 General Recalls and it was tiring waiting, looking, standing there, pumping across the line only to return to start all over again. Everyone was just drifting uncontrollably over the start line and I grazed my board against the Bedok beacon a couple of times. In addition, I had a terrible start and it spoiled my momentum throughout the rest of the race. I caught all the wrong shifts and ended up in headers most of the time. i was getting tired and did not bother to chase up. I gave up the whole race. Race 4: Same as above. Start was bad considering the super short start line and strong current. The fatigue had taken its toll on me and I was just waiting to go back to shore. This should not be the attitude of a good sailor, I must say. Everyone was tired and only Andrew was pumping. The rest were deadened, only I was more deadended I suppose. We didn't cross the finish line and headed straight to shore. I 'finished' beside my buddy who also, like all of us, sailed back to the club, which is a long long way away. How I looked longingly at the powerboat and wished I can be on it. Then it as home sweet home to my 24 inch pooh-pooh...not to mention a pooh cushy given to me by a Hot Chick. aha!

16 December 2000

Today's ST...great news!!! Check out the fact that Sailing is the only sport that PM Goh gave his charge of winning a medal at 2008 Olympics. SAILING Banker Low will be 'fully at sea' soon By Marc Lim Sailing body chief to boost the sport after retirement LOW Teo Ping, president of SingaporeSailing, will be retiring from his job as managing director with Swiss bank UBS AG at the end of the month. Although there are many who expect the 55-year-old to ease into the quiet life of retirement, he insists that although he will be retiring from his bank job, he is far from retiring from sports. 'This is my third attempt at retirement and I am glad to say that I am finally successful,' said Low, who has been working in the banking industry for over 30 years. 'It will give me a chance to be led by my heart and not by my head. This will be an opportune time for me to pursue my other interests outside of the banking arena.' Low, who was appointed SingaporeSailing's president last June, will then be able to devote more time to sailing, as well as his other responsibilities. SingaporeSailing will take up to five days of the week, more than double of the time he puts in now. He is also a board member of the Singapore Sports Council, an executive council member of the International Sailing Federation and vice-president of the Automobile Association of Singapore. The extra time that Low has will allow him to guide SingaporeSailing to the next level in its bid to accomplishing its goals, one of which is to win a medal at the 2008 Olympics. And he wants to do it in the best way he knows how. 'SingaporeSailing needs to be very professional and business-like if we want to do well, so I plan to run it the way same I ran the bank,' said Low. 'We will continue to do our business as usual, competing at the highest standards in our region, but we will also embark on some R&D, which if successful, will bring us medals in the 2008 Olympics.' One way Low aims to increase the Republic's chances of an Olympic medal in sailing is to expand the broadbase development of sailors by working closely with the schools and sailing clubs and ensuring that there is continuity among the sailors. The adoption-and-linkage scheme is a programme SingaporeSailing has put in place to help tap the large group of sailors at the Optimist level, which average about 100 to 150 boats. Sailors can sail only in the optimist fleet from the age of seven to 15. With the aid of the adoption-and-linkage scheme, these sailors will either be linked to different classes of boats because of interest or other classes can talent-spot these sailors and adopt them. Other ways that Low intends to professionalise SingaporeSailing is by appointing a CEO to oversee the organisation and help strategise its efforts of achieving its goals. He also plans to implement a bonus scheme to spur the athletes and coaches to greater heights, much like that in a corporation. Likening SingaporeSailing to a pre-IPO company, he estimates that it will take about two years for the organisation to be in full gear. Till then it will be business as usual. Bigger and better A 69 per cent increase in participation, based on registration for next year's National Schools' Sailing Championships. The setting up of two additional fleets, bringing the total to seven, to ensure continuity and transition (in accordance with the adoption-and-linkage scheme).

15 December 2000

An article that was among my emails. A good, motivating read. Choose Attitude! While I was out training last week with the famous Surfers Paradise Triathlon Club lead by the great Jenny Alcorn (World Champion Duathlete 1992), the thought came to me to write this article on an issue that may ruffle some feathers amongst our readers! As an age group athlete (and my age group just went up!), and someone who is now reasonably content to train for fun and fitness with a more mature outlook on sport (still competitive but not compulsive, wise enough to know when to stop, when to rest and when to sleep in - all the things that I did not do in my sporting infancy), I have observed attitude in athletes. Attitude is that steely determination, that terrier quality, the tenacity to continue through think and thin which sets some athletes apart from others. I have also observed the athlete who cuts corners, takes the short route, needs constant pushing from the coach or others, complains all the time, or always has an excuse for the underperformance. I have seen some of the most gifted athletes very short on attitude. They never make it very far in their sport. Some of the best athletes have fewer gifts and more attitude. It is my belief that even if you are the most gifted athlete in the world, without attitude, your gift will amount to very little. The big question then becomes, how do we get attitude if we do not have it? First, we have to want to get an attitude - badly - enough to upset a few of your friends and family, who will be disturbed by the change in you. Then you have to get out of bed, make your bed, clean up your life, do what you say you will do, and drop all words and thoughts of can't, won't and don't want to from your vocabulary, and in all areas of your life. Low attitude is a kind of general malaise - it spreads through us like a cancer to our home, work, thoughts about ourselves, and our sporting activities. One of the biggest myths espoused today is life should be this wonderful comfortable place where everything is perfect and we never have to do anything that makes us feel uncomfortable, or that we do not like. I have noticed this is my 10-year-old daughter. Our greatest growth often comes from the areas that we are most uncomfortable in. I contend, why not embrace the discomfort, because if we try to avoid it, one way or another, it will come to us. (Have you noticed this? Life happens.) People who achieve great things are renowned for having given up much on their path to greatness. Susie O'Neill and other professional swimmers (to name a specific group), have given up sleeping in, going out late (past 8 p.m.), eating whatever they like, and partying with friends for years and years. Growing strong muscles requires working hard weights - and that hurts! There are no short cuts. Attitude means that you will push through the training threshold, you will do the last set, you will choose to eat less junk food and get to bed early. Choose attitude, lots of it and be proud of it. Yes, it will get up someone's nose. Not everyone will like you for it. What really matters is that you like you for it, and like who you become and what you do because of it. This is attitude for your life versus attitude just because.

13 December 2000

Smiley Flower...how it brightens up the Remains of the Day for me. Indeed, the remains of the day are the most beautiful. I had juz received a funky flower from my closest gal buddy, actually a stuffed toy flower with a very smiley face. It's so adorable and brightening, I can't help forgetting how horrible a day it has been till the flower arrived via super express courier. *Touched* The day had begun horribly for me with the 'No train services between Boon Lay and Clementi' sign taking dominion of my life. I was suddenly thrown into disarray and disorganization. I know not how else I can get to work apart from using the trains considering the long distance involved. Hence, in short, I travelled 2 long hrs (I'm still in Singapore, mind you!) to nowhere and finally reaching my office 1 hour late. My mood can't be worse. When thousands of commuters in human-infested Jurong area are stranded from the train services, guess what happens to the cab & bus services? That aside, I finally ran out of luck with wearing my all-too-obvious beach slippers in the office. I had my HR DIRECTOR warn me as gently as she can on NOT wearing slippers to work. I felt like protesting but refrained from fighting a losing battle, lost battle rather. I was only on my way to seeing the lawyers about some Broadcast rights issues. She could have conveniently sued me with her lawyers there and then. aha! Ok, I'll dress up tomorrow, I promise myself. I've also been feeling weak this whole week, spiritually, mentally & physically. It happens when I'm not soaked in the presence of God on Sundays. The difference is so tremendous that I cannot begin to explain. It does so much for u. I was at the gym again today during lunch feeling feeble and unmotivated. I juz forced myself to do some forearm, abs, triceps, calf and ankle exercises. It's amazing how work can sometimes take out the sensitivity in a person. Sometimes, I lose touch with myself when I'm buried with and under work. I don't know what to write in this journal. I cannot feel pain, love, awe and even hurt. Work sometimes numbs you. I guess that is why companies came up with this Leave system where you go away about 14 days a year on paid leave, you pay for a trip in an attempt to find yourself back, put your soul and spirit back into your physical shell, feel the pain, love, awe and hurt all over again...come back into the office and the next cycle begins. It reminds me of this process of toxification and detoxification. Sometimes the damage is so deep that the remains of the day (or is it night) becomes literally, remains. They are like ashes, proof of our mourning to the loss of our individual freedom. We literally give of our lives to the companies we work for. We subject ourselves to rules and more rules, hierarchy, instructions. Dimensions which were originally intended to stretch our potential now most limit us. Whatever you do, define your own dimensions within the confines of law, justice and love. Sounds paradoxical? Grace does not liberate you to do as you please. Grace liberates you to do BECAUSE you know God loves you. Grace is the most liberating DIMENSION of Love and freedom.

12 December 2000

Heaven & Clothes...I did not see 'Earth' this morning. My wardrobe had collapsed, not for the first time actually. Things that I had a part in assembly usually do not stay assembled for very long. I'm never good in technical things, none the least paranoid though it gives me lots of shivers. However, I had thrown myself the challenge of putting together my new hi-fi together, just to show myself that I dare challenge my weaknesses. This time, I had to literally, pick up the pieces. Ok, Sunday's training: Wind was blowing SW, between 8-10 knots and current was pretty strong (Southeast direction towards Changi) at about 3 knots. We did a series of about 6 starts which we had to focus on 3 things: i) Timing ii) Pumping Power iii) Position The challenge thrown to us is to achieve all 3 out of which if we failed in one, would have failed in all. Imagine achieving perfect timing and snatched the best position on the line, but lack the pumping power, the sailor is still going to lag behind and face all the dirty wind from the sailors who 'zoomed' off. That was quite a good refresher for me. Next we did 2 mini Sausage races, this time, putting into practice what we learned in the starts. Starts are PARTICULARLY important and crucial for short courses as there is no time and not enough distance to catch up on the fleet. Short courses are too explosive and adrenalin pumping compared to say, marathon courses or long course racing. The comparison can be seen in sprint events where every second and millisecond counts. I did badly for the first race. I lost to my rival. I had gotten a bad start and wound up having problems adjusting to gusts. I even had a collision with Ben who later got knocked down by Chewy. I sorta lost the flow and gave up the whole race. It's often the case with short courses coz it takes more than a miracle to catch up. Every step is crucial and every small mistake is magnified. Second race: I beat my rival. I sensed the wind shift and sailed down to the port end which is biased. Ben, Harold and I got off from the Port end on Starboard but was caught off by Andrew who sneaked off Port-tack at Port end, caught a lifter and reached the upwind mark first. Seeing Andrew catch the lifter, I tacked early and Ben did so later and lost out. I slowed down due to forearm cramps and lamented how I could have done better. Somehow, the boys have no forearm cramp problems. aha. My rival caught up with me very soon and I played wave-riding with her. I gybed much earlier to catch the favoured current to reach the finish line. By then, I had pulled a big gap between us. I did not pump at all coz I was nursing my blisters on my palms. Only 2 things I did on downwind to win: Wave-riding and making use of currents. yay! Then the PERFECT STORM arrived...but George Clooney was nowhere to be found. We had a great de-brief where we discussed and asked many questions. I later sandpapered my board and sent it for re-decking. The selections are coming...my equipment's gotta be tip-top. I will be rigging up my Olympic sail this Sat and prepared to kick some butts. Stay Tuned.

10 December 2000

Woke up with an aching body and a wry smile on my face. Secretly happy with life, with the things going the way they are, and the way things will eventually turn out. Give me some time to adjust...I thought...I've been missing the presence of God on Sundays twice in a row since. I'm juz feeling too tired to wake up at 7 a.m., trudge off to church and rush off to the beach. I used to be able to rush here, there and everywhere. Particularly in my undergrad days, schedule was tight and more tight. I lived on an adrenalin rush and a packed schedule, without which energy could not flow. Now...i wish life to be simpler, slower and I long to catch the sunsets. Have I aged? Have I become jaded and seared with life events or is it that I've readjusted my priorities and decided on what is really important and not. I believe in the latter as I know I'm still showing signs of excitement and joy at the simplest things. Read this article in The Sunday Times on Wu Qing Kang, a journalist with LianHeZaobao for more than a decade long. He's published 9 books, travelled to 60 countries, penned many songs, founded the 'xinyao' movement and blah blah...He claims he's a jaded pessimist, not really happy neither is he unhappy. He says that is the trait of a perfectionist. That is absolutely true!!! Perfectionism is the illegitimate son of Success and they never quite celebrate together, even though it could be a good companion on the journey. However, Perfectionism should not be an attitude assumed with pride, as this man has. It portrays a person as having an unsatiable appetite, a high achiever and of amazing intelligence. You almost wonder what exactly drives this person? Yet he said it all....he's not a happy person!! Perfectionism creates a byproduct of unhappiness and a crave for more...and it never ends! This results in an unhealthy taste for success as it is out to prove to people that he is confident, capable and successful. He's doing it to prove himself, in other words, he's doing it for others. He'll never be happy until he does things for himself. I wish for him joy and peace, having the knowing that God loves him, and is perfectly happy with him whether or not he is a success. Nothing is more precious knowing love, joy and peace so intimately, the assurance that the love of God is not directly or even correlated to one's performace, or lack of. His love is a 'despite of' and 'in spite of' giving. I endeavour to crave for success because I want to transcend my limitations, because I want to manifest God's anointing and giftings. I want to give glory to Him for empowering me. I crave for Excellence because that is whom I'm serving. Indeed, I have nothing to prove, no one to impress. I strive into rest...I work hard to be happy, whether or not I've written 9 books, travelled to 60 countries, drive a sportscar or have luncheons with Faye Wong. I pity those who derive pride and confidence in the car they drive, worse still, bought by their rich fathers (& I have many ARROGANT friends like that without which they are empty shells), ladies who derive acceptance and attention from men by the hours spent in front of the mirror dolling their faces. All these are very superficial...and seek to cover their hurts and inadequacies. Underneath, they are desperate to prove something, they are not at peace and they are insecure. People are real and let's shake off all these hypocritical dresses and see people as they are, not what they own.
Saturday's training: We had 5 mini races with varying wind conditions. Wind was blowing SW still and in the first 2 races, wind was light at about 5 -8 knots. In my practice, I realised that the anti-skid on my board was really wearing off. I could not rail my board at a good enough angle to be able to point. I decided to go back to shore to get my booties. I went out again, confident that I should be able to point well again but boy, was I wrong. Sighz, I did really badly in the first 2 races, coming in right at the back with no hope of redemption. Yup, I was really upset!!! Nothing could descibe my disappointment. Gusty light winds where u cannot plane nor maintain a good sheeted in, covered sail. I was constantly moving my body around, searching for a good position to stand, a good position to place my hands and feet. I juz could not find anything. Hence it shifted my focus on tactics to juz my body stance. That should never be the case when you are racing. Every move should be automatic and instinctive so you could devote your 100% attention to your tactics and wind-reading. That is why sailors spend hour after hour on the sea trying to perfect their techniques. I lost to my fellow lady rival in these 2 races for a lack of physical fitness in pumping. I juz could not muster any strength to pump the course. %^^$#@ Where did the benefits of my weekday trainings go to? Thank God the wind slowly picked up to around 12 knots where we were juz about able to plane comfortably on the upwind (but not on downwind unless u pump)...ahahaha...yes! I staged a comeback to win my rival in the next 2 races and occasionally packing myself in the boys pack. As the wind gets stronger, my position is increasingly farther behind the boys. Even though my board speed was relatively good compared to my rival who had a crouched stance, totally not beneficial to board speed. It is all the more important to straighten out your legs on the foot straps, hiking yourself on the harness right on the edge of the board. Straighten your arms and lean as far as you can, absorbing the crashing of the waves with your knees and ankles tt are already strapped to the edge of the board. Rail your board to 30 degrees or so angle so your board can cut the waves. Yes, it hurts your ankles a great deal to be hyperextended at such an abnormal angle. That is why a sailor should include ankle ex daily or frequently. Joints are small, important and yet susceptible to injuries. They are also more likely to be ignored. In the 3rd & 4th races, I made sure I had good board speed to make up for my lack of alertness in my starts. I was almost always late for the starts and not taking transits. I confess! Plus, I did not think a lot about tactics or reading the wind shifts etc...I literally followed coach q and found myself focusing on board speed and maintaining a good body stance. Lack of water time...sighz...If I had enough water time to fine tune my techniques, I will be able to focus on tactics. Reaction to gusts and lulls are a big problem for me. I juz cannot maintain the rail and speed with a gust/lull coming. Several factors r responsible for this. Fitness: If my fitness and strength are tip top, I will be able to maintain my planing stance and be mentally alert enough to feel out for gusts/lulls. Fatigue makes me too tired mentally to feel out esp when I'm abt to crumble under when the lull comes or be catapulted when the gust hits. Water time & experiece: Can increase my reaction time and I should be able to act b4 i react. By the 5th race, somebody not training with the National team was sailing the course with us and knocked me down into the water. He was on starboard and I was on port and I did not give way. Reason being he should not be in our course at all and we are having races. Pissed as I was, I caught up with the remaining of the upwind leg and after the second upwind, I was on par with my rival. I dropped my sail and there goes my win...I was too tired to fight for it. However, I was satisfied, very satisfied. I know how hard I have to work to fight for my SEA Games berth and how far I was from there. It's achievable. I juz lack the physical fitness and sailing fitness that can only come with water time and time spent in physical training. What I can do during lunch-time on weekdays are apparently insufficient. Another note...Life is still not perfect as much as we like it to be. We may truly believe that wonderful people exist and life is full of love and joy. A lot of times, it is not. People are starving in developing countries, women are being raped, children are forced to be slaves, men killed in senseless wars, students engaging in sexual and violent activities in school and outside school. Life is a horrible sight. It boggles me many times how people can get so cruel and illogical, selfish and violent. I refuse to believe it. I wondered about how some of my friends can marry men who show abusive and violent character traits. I get worried for them. What if they get abused later, or slapped or insulted in their friends' presence? I also read about how some men pass on Aids/HIV to their wives from their sexual activities with prostitutes. These, are totally senseless and selfish to the greatest degreee. As much as it is appalling in nature and unbelievable in logic, they are real. It takes the child in us to still believe that life is wonderful coz it really is. Adopt a childlike attitude, not childish....see the newness in old things, the excitement in a daily sunset...we cannot change reality, but we can change the way we SEE reality. Sometimes, people may not believe in you. Other times, some people may think that we won't amount to anything or go anywhere. Jesus died for no fool! Jesus hung on the cross in excruciating pain to redeem champions. Fools say in their hearts 'there is no God'. We overcome the odds not to prove something. I've decided long ago that I have nothing to prove, no one to impress. The overcomer overcomes to better himself and to show others that they are able, if they believe.

08 December 2000

I walked past the playground this morning. I noticed a girl, of about 12 yrs old, struggling with her bicycle. I noticed she was struggling to balance the handlebars and barely pedaling. The bike struggled to create a momentum out of nothing as she focused hard on the road ahead, forgetting to pedal. This brought me to remembrance that it's the same with pursuing goals. Focus on the journey, not the destination. Focusing too hard in keeping yourself in the direction of your goals amount to nought if you forget to pedal. If you focus on pedaling hard and well, and occasionally checking your destination, you'll inevitably get there. Focus on the nitty gritties in your journey and you can be sure to have a good result at the end. God can only direct a moving car...keep moving... Went to the gym during lunch...I declared a long lunch for myself. aha! Firstly, TGIF. I did a good 60 reps of barbell for my lower back, pull-ups, 4 painful sets of 30 abs crunches. 30 min of treadmill & 20 min on the stepper. It was good...in the process, I engaged in visualization. I visualized myself windsurfing, sailing a perfect course and overcoming my weaknesses. I visualized myself beating everyone in the race and still coming out strong & fresh. Got a friend's wedding tonite...Goodwood Park Hotel.

07 December 2000

Continued from the previous entry. 2) Perfection: It's a bad word. Humans can never achieve perfection lest we are gods. Perfection and its inability to achieve it results in guilt, self-condemnation and pride. It leads to unhealthy obsession and imbalanced definition of success. Excellence is the redemptive sibling to Perfection. Seek to attain excellence and do your best regardless of others' standards/expectations. Excellence means doing your very best in everything that your hands find to do. Excellence means not sparing resources to enable the best quality of work to be done. Excellence recognises human limitations and respects the efforts. Perfection demands more and more...it is unforgiving and uncompassionate. 3) Joy: It is not happiness. Happiness is a sort of shallow joy that is based on happenings that happen to turn out the way you want it to. Happiness is circumstantial but joy is not. Joy sneaks out right from the heart to brighten up the darkness, warm up the cold-hearted and give hope to the hopeless. Joy is confidence in a Good God regardless of bleak situations coz faith gives reason for joy to manifest. The joy of the Lord is my strength. Anything that is circumstantial always tend to waver and is unstable. You have to set your goals on what you believe in and the deep confidence in what you are called for. Joy will enable you to train when there seems there's no reason to. Joy will pull you out of disappointing times when you fail and flounder in races. Joy will catapult you from the pit into the skies. Joy will keep you focused and supply a strength to go towards the goal. 4) Humility: Talent will not, persistence & determination can bring you to success but humility will KEEP you there! The attitude counts equally, if not more, than the elements that bring you success. Most importantly, you do not want to lose your success overnight. You want to keep it and humility will. It encompasses teachability and an open mind. Jessica Crisp once said to me, "Always enjoy windsurfing and you will always improve." That comes from a 2-time PWA champion and 4th in 2000 Sydney Olympics, with more than a decade of professional and world-class experience. She knows what she's talking, I'm pretty sure. What she also means is that we are never good enough to have finished learning. Once that thirst never ends, we'll always improve. Someone who claims he cannot improve is puffed up, thinking he's good enough and it's boring. Robby Naish also said the same thing...that he's still enjoying the sport as he did 24 years ago. New tricks, new equipmemt, new conditions keep him stoked! He's humble enough to respect the ocean and its complexities. 5) Jesus: The most important element...Without Him, I can do NOTHING!!! Without Him, I am Nothing! Off to Bible Sudy...I miss the presence of God terribly...

06 December 2000

My brain is saturated! Finally, work has been kinder to me today. Ironically, it leaves me bored, tired and even more lethargic. I received an email from a young 'disciple' who was talking ernestly about her frustrations, anger and confusion. Every word and adjective seems much of what I've gone through, either for positive or negative. I do not think that such questioning and introspective examination is bad, lest it leads to depression and hopelessness. Most times, it was during such moments of introspection that I recover myself, face myself in the nudest form and truthfully forcing myself to accept every wart and all. Over these many years of competition experience, I have this to say: 1) Expectations: They kill you! Yes, they do and not only that, rather ruthlessly. His brother's name is Perfection and they serve the same purpose and come from the same mother. Expectations placed upon oneself can do 2 things. They serve as a sort of Power to cause one to surge forward, and even to exceed beyond one's natural abilities and transcend beyond one's disabilities. The other purpose is that it also creates guilt and condemnation enough to brake one in his tracks. The point is that Expectations itself has great limitations and is self-inhibiting in nature. A person places Expectations on himself to achieve something so as to gain a better result or a trophy, to increase accolades and gain recognition. Most of the time a person thrives and surges forward most positively, attempting to achieve such internal and external rewards. The test comes when trials and failures seep in. Discouragement, disillusionment and dissatisfaction become the all-encompassing feeling. One feels that he cannot match his expectations and hence feels deflated. Sori...i've run out of time to continue this...I'll do it tomorrow. Meanwhile, I've received a Christmas card from a varsity classmate. She's my age, got married after graduation, had a son who's learning to walk now and expecting a girl due next Feb. I almost fainted! Am I late in life? I'm far far away from that stage of domestication. No boyfriend, no husband, no baby, no cries to attend to at night. Am I missing out on something here? Come Friday, I have yet another wedding to attend to. It's my Secondary School classmate. Half of my class girls are married. I've been giving out too many Ang Pows this year...Stop it!!!

05 December 2000

Oh my...I'm still in the office yet again, and it's dark and rainy outside. I've been working late here everyday, consistently from the whole of last week and I was hoping it shall not repeat this week. My vampire lifestyle is back. I sneaked off to the gym during lunch-time today, did a good 2 sets of 5 pull-ups, 10 min run on the much-hated treadmill, hamstrings ex, calf ex, ankle ex and of coz, the gruelling abs ex. Ouch! Sunday's training: There was basically no wind! Negative to 0 knots and reasonably strong current. Shifty winds from N to NW. The youths were rigging up their equipment and testing them out afterwards. The others were rigging up what came back from Siam Cup a week ago. Chewy and I decided to do a couple of rounds of torturous pumping. We set off, wind blowing N to NW, heading towards a boat and back. On the way back, the wind shifted and I was caught in a mad whirlwind of lulls. I was moving backwards and sideways. Chewy was pointing up to get wind. I gave up! I felt yucky with myself. I complained to Chewy that my attitude is bad. I don't enjoy the session if it's not fun with such torturous conditions. C'mon, there wasn't anyone else out there! Trainings aren't supposed to be all fun and no pain. That is why training is called training. When conditions get bad, go out there and learn to harness the impossible. When conditions are perfect, enjoy it! A good sailor excels in all conditions, without complaints and murmuring. I determine to be that! First, I need to buy Coach a whip! Second round: Wind shifted to NW and we hit towards Siglap beacon. aha! No wind is my best wind...I kept pumping till I had momentum and when you have momentum, you would suddenly find wind which don't quite exist. They are actually created wind. The current was pushing me down hard and I tried pointing as high as possible. I reached Siglap with ease and we headed back soon. The wind shifted to become a beam reach and a storm pending, we hurriedly pumped back to the club. The eastern side of Changi, PA were already stormy and I knew then that any hope of storm winds is gone. Not when the rain comes b4 the winds. Not satisfied with the meagre amount of training, we went rollerblading. I was satisfied! My room has become a studio of inspiration! I've nailed up 8 8R foto frames of Olympic windsurfers, 2 remaining, scattered neatly all over my room. Just sitting there makes u feel inspired! You end up in this painful dilemma of wanting to go training or sitting there admiring the pix. I chose both! I picked up the dumb-bell, started working out my forearms, biceps; dusted my rubber tubing and started working out those shoulders. Push-ups were also the highlights of the inspired evening. In between huffs and puffs, I would sit there admiring the fotos, soaking in the Olympics spirit and visualizing myself sailing those good races. It felt so good. It feels good when you feel at home with your passion, your heart's desire. It feels good when you know that you are gonna make good decisions and people around you will support you. It feels good when you know that you are taking steps to achieving your goals, and not juz dreaming about it. It feels fantastically good when you know that God loves you, most of all! You love Him the most when He empowers you to do the thing you love the most. Your destiny and calling are tied up intimately with your passion and giftings. God cannot give you a destiny totally irrelevant to your interests and passion. God cannot snatch your dream from you like your childhood neighbour would to your marbles. God will not force food which you hate into your mouth. God CANNOT! He says that He loves you so much that HE would rather go to hell FOR you than to go Heaven without you. How much more...would HE not give you good gifts, good destinies, good callings because He is a good God. I've decided that no matter what happens, whether I lose every race and not achieve my every goal, that I'll still be full of joy. Life is still wonderful. God is still good. The sun still shines every morning and the birds still sing. The flowers still bloom and the rainbow still sneaks out after every drizzle. God is too good to enable little disappointments to dampen my joy and snatch away my zest for life. Jesus is likened to windsurfing. Everyday is a new day. The wind is never the same and the same combination never recurs twice. There is always something new to learn everytime you go out there into the ocean. Each time you learn a new trick, doing a better gybe, out-pointing your sparring buddy, you get super stoked. And the stoke never ever ends! You keep going out to feel more, hear more, see more...of the ocean and yourself. You learn to re-define your horizons everytime; paint your own twilights, sail your own course, harness your own winds with your own strengths. You have to turn the cube around to see the other dimensions and convince yourself that there's more than one dimension. Jesus is all-encompassing! His mercy is new every morning. He loves you a different way everyday, shows you new miracles and blessings everyday. He opens up the flowers when it is of blossoming time. He picks up the sun when it's time for sunrise. He turns the tide around at the appropriate times twice a day. He remembers to send some rain when the fields get dry and farmers worry. He feeds the caterpillars and teaches the mighty ants 'unity'. He flashes a rainbow across the horizons when the drizzle ends. He did not forget to colour the rainbow with 7 gorgeous colours in the correct order! He answers the prayer of a little child who wants a new bicycle. He dries up the tears of a forsaken wife betrayed by an unfaithful husband. He sees every need and answers every prayer b4 you even utter a word. If only you will BELIEVE that He is good!

03 December 2000

Wow...it's been almost 4 days since I published something. Anyway, I was supposed to slow down over the weekends. I did! Not the best positive sign on the seas but yup, it was basically windless and non-happening as opposed to the windy hype on a couple of weekdays. SATURDAY: It started off as gusty with patches over the waters, though apparently visible from the dark wrinkles on the surface and lapses of 0 knot wind regularly. We had planned to practise our starts, considering the 4-5 of us making up a good number. We had initially sailed around, following Coach Q, desperately trying to sail at his super high upwind angle and speed. I had fallen victim to a good tip for a wrong time. My harness lines were at 7 fists distance from the boomhead, which Chewy swears by as reasonable for monsoon winds. I've never had my harness brought back so far , only to a max of 5 and a half fists. This explains my frequent catapults and slam-dunks where I'm the object and the ball. It hurts & most of all, you could lose your contact lens in the water as a result of the SUDDEN slam into the water or having suddenly dive into the water in all peculiar patterns in the most awkward instances. However, I was trying out the wrong thing at the wrong time, and could not get my FEELING back on this equipment today. I could not feel the ONE-ness I usually felt with the winds, waves & equipment. I felt totally unaligned with the Centre-of-Effort(COE) because my harness are so far back. In light winds, the COE is far forward and it steadily shifts aft the sail when the wind picks up. Hence I felt the non-alignment. However, it proved the point when I met sudden gusts and felt the harness positions near-perfect, able to feel no pressure on my front arm as well as back-hand. The stronger the wind, the more you have to PUSH the boom on your front-hand. And trust me, even a super strong forearm cannot endure long periods of pushing the boom, manually resisting 25 knots wind. You'll soon find yourself crippling especially at the arms, forearms, shoulders and basically, EVERYWHERE. In fact, 7 fists could be just the minimum guideline, according to Chewy, who's often a better strong wind sailor than me. Generally, as SJ tried so hard to explaiin to me something which I was also trying to explain to him, girls have more problems in strong winds relatively than in light winds. Coz girls lack strength which is so required of in strong winds. To be able to resist suddeng 25-30 knot gusts take a lot out of a sailor, and EVERYTHING out of me. When one is tired from resisting than attacking, this leaves no reserves for the sailor to think tactically. This is why a sailor has to be fit and strong AT ALL TIMES. The fitter a sailor, the more he can keep his focus on tactics and not having to think about how he can last through more pumping. Back to training, the wind didn't show up at the most crucial moments, when the buoys were laid and sailors neatly assembled near the coach boat. Sighz!!! What's new?! We did a windless sausage only to witness a miracle manifested by our Coach Q who weighs 85 kg and yet smoking all of us to a spectacular finish in this 1 knot wind. I'm totally baffled by this man who could do magic...he's easily 10--20 kgs heavier than all the sailors here but not giving mercy when it comes to boardspeed. I figured he had superb control of his board and sail, which is all the more important in no-lightwinds. I started near him, towards the pin-end of the start line which is indeed a good place to start because I had wanted clean air(which I got) coz everyone was crowding near the boat. It does not make sense coz the current was already strongly pushing us down Changi's direction. Starting nearer the pin-end enables me to make use of the current more as well as get the clean air. However, his superb board control just smoked me, and he's not even pumping. Afterwards, we practised a duck gybe plus turning into upwind. I even missed the buoy....not generating enough speed. Coach Q's manouvre was fluid and quick. I shouted to him to do a slow motion again coz I had blinked my eyes. aha!!! Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the 1994 Asian Games Gold medallist!!! I now know why I'm not there yet! ahaha...We went back to shore after we found ourselves mosving backwards and sideways more than forwards. I did 4 sets of pull-ups, 4 reps each set, after much boo-ing from the boys, who of coz easily did 15-20 reps each time. SJ was telling me how weak I am to just do 4 blah blah blah...I got so angry but it did help me finish the set. He did that on purpose. He could do well as a coach than a music teacher, I betcha. I also did a couple of bench pull (standing version) at 20 kgs, 15 reps. I did one for strength endurance, 10 kgs, 60 reps. Some triceps ex and others just to make myself feel like I've done a lot. It was shopping time after that. We had a drink outside for a while, chatting with Haro and Coach KY for a while, and coming up with silly ideas as usual. Then it was off to our favourite Herbal Chicken escapade. Boy, was it crowded...we circled the carpark thrice before getting a space. We ordered a whole Herbal Chicken, Fried Oyster and dumplings. We spent half the evening devouring the chicken, drowned in our own perspiration and happiness. Then it was off to Sim Lim Sq to shop for my notebook. I saw 3! Yup, most of the shops were closed as a result of the time we invested devouring the chicken. I was deciding between buying a new desktop or a notebook. A notebook will come in handy in my travels in future while a desktop will be kind to my pocket. I'll see how. Then we zipped down to IKEA to buy foto-frames for the 8R fotos from the Sydney Olympics. I bought 6 glass frames while Chewy bought 3. I also bought a 4R metal frame. We hunted around for a CD rack and finally we found one really cool one with a cement stone as the base. It could contain 104 cds and it's high, silver-greyish in colour and I didn't have to take long to decide. We bought one each. That, I must say, was my best buy of the night. I placed the silver frame on top of the rack and can't help thinking how matching the colours were, my hi-fi, rack and frame. SUNDAY: I struggled to wake up at 7 a.m. to go to church and failed miserably. My eyes just could not support my heart's desire. ahaha...I went back to sleeping and am now drinking my second cup of coffee. I had slowly overcome my fears of assembling electronic and home decor stuff. My break came when I overcame my fears and paranoia to assemble my hi-fi all by myself. Next, I had fixed the channels on my tv all by myself too. Now, I'm super competent in sawing off battens on my own. aha!!!! The pride of a girl who was innately technically-paranoid! I still display the initial irritation and frustration if I have to fix something, be it on my equipment, home appliances or computer. I simply hate it and am paranoid of it. I would postpone it long enough for my patience to run out b4 I seek help. Anyway, I hope there'll wind today, if not, I'm bringing my running shoes there as a back-up. Stay Tuned!!!

29 November 2000

An article published in ST, Tuesday 27 November 2000: SAILING New coach set to give boost S'pore hopes to tap his expertise for a boardsailing renaissance By Elgen Kua WITH a new national coach, Qian Hong, at the helm, Singapore's boardsailing future appears to be headed for smooth seas. This is not only because his name means 'bright fortune' in Chinese but also because of his impressive credentials. The native from Zhejiang, China, was Asia's best boardsailor in 1994 when he won the gold in the 12th Asian Games and was twice No. 1 at the Asian Sailing Championships in 1990 and 1996. With such an impressive honour roll, the Boardsailing Association of Singapore hopes to tap his wealth of experience to start a renaissance among the boardsailing fraternity. The BSAS experienced a drought of five years without a South-east Asia Games medal since Goh Thye Hock's bronze at the 1995 Jakarta Games, and has yet to produce another prominent sailor since the late Kelly Chan. Said Lemmy Teo, president of BSAS: 'We brought him here specifically to help our national team and build a foundation over the next three years to develop our next batch of sailors. 'He is presently working out a talent development programme for the the national youth squads and plans to start with secondary schools that have boardsailing as an extra-curricular activity.' Qian is confident he will meet the targets he has set by the time his three-year contract ends, which is to develop a medallist at next year's SEA Games and 2002 Asian Games. But there is a lot of work to be done. After two weeks of observing the team, he gave a critical assessment of the present national selection team. Said Qian: 'Physically, they need to work on improving their strength and fitness. On their skills, they need to go beyond the basic manoeuvres to master the more technical aspects of boardsailing. 'They also need to build on their racing tactics and reading of the weather conditions.' However, Qian is optimistic of their medal chances for the Kuala Lumpur Games. He said: 'All of them have a lot of potential. What is most important is that they are all very spirited and eager, which is the first step to making progress.' His first task for this year is to prepare the national team for the Singapore Open and the Tudor Cup next January. 'My target for them is to close the gap between them and the Thais and Indonesians. 'After that, we can work on their weaknesses and train for the SEA Games.'
Hebrews went effevecscent today, giving me a bottle of half-consumed vitamin C tablets. I didn't know whether to throw or to consume, to feel insulted or to feel grateful. Who knows what he did to the half that were gone and the other half remaining. ahaha...It's not a present as a present is supposed to be a firsthand, unused good. I decided not to theorise too much on a bottle of vitamin c tablets. I did appreciate it or else I wouldn't have challenged myself to consume it. What probably is most exciting about today is the Bug news. My Japanese windsurfer friend has given me a quote on the varieties of Bug juice and their prices. This was the brazen liquid which was slated to enable Japanese Naoko Takahashi to win the gold medal in the Sydney Olympics marathon. Nothing can describe the pride I felt seeing an Asian winning a gold medal in the Olympics. My friend promised to bring me lots of it, as much as I'm willing to pay for. Our conversation topics have ranged from 'Supergirl' to 'Miss Singapore'. It's too long a story to begin telling here but she's the No. 2 windsurfer in Japan, not to mention a pretty face decorating the bronzed muscled arm of her pin-up poster boyfriend who's possibly called Superman. We made a pact in our last email, to be joint No. 1 & No. 2 top windsurfers in Asia. Our ambition is to rout Masako Imai and Lee Lai Shan out of their decade-old dominance in Asian windsurfing. ahaha...I must have been dreaming to agree with her. aha. However, nothing is impossible. AMEN?! Faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains. I forgot to mention that I've broken the no-gym curse today. I finally went, having discovered my flu was better and caught my nose from running away. I didn't go all out though I finished 3 sets of exercises which include what I call 'complex' move, prescribed by my strength trainer, Dr Ben Tan. I also did other stuff like forearm exercises using a barbell, abs, calf ex, ankle ex and pull-ups. I found myself gasping for breath at times as the flu always threatens my cardio fitness rather than strength. But I felt the focus back again, as did my lunch-time gym workouts. I found myself in occasional flights of fantasy, clad in lycra blue bodysuits with my red undies on the external. Supergirl! ahaha...It must have been a childhood-deprived fantasy with the too-much school work that I am now dreaming of becoming a superheroine. It's amazing how fantasizing about your innermost dreams can put a spring in your step and a sparkle in your eyes, albeit no one around you knows what you are thinking of. I think the scariest thing is not about being unable to fulfil one's dreams, but the LACK of dreams in one's life. Occasional indulgence in the impossible is beneficial for one's faith as God does not see us through our natural eyes. The eyes of faith leaps across human impossibilities and crosses the deepest chasms. I drew strength from the story of Joshua and Caleb. They spied the land of Canaan and reported in faith that it was a land flowing with milk and honey. This is the report of men of faith. The others trembled and saw themselves as grasshoppers in the land of giants. One group saw blessings while the other saw evil. The difference lies in 'vision'. Conquer fear or it'll conquer you. It's 6:30 p.m. on a midweek and I'm still comfortably seated in my office...I struggle to mention this but it is really midweek. Ought not I be doing something fun, like going for some jazz, movies, dance or even meeting up with old pals? I've just been too caught up in my recent obsession at home. I've been writing notes into my windsurfing log book, getting enough rest, reading books and dreaming... And yes, there's been articles running through Straits Times the last weeks up till Monday. Articles that talked about the Singapore Open, Tudor and our local windsurfing scene. Today, we saw the helmsman of SingaporeSailing Federation being elected into the ISAF Committee. Wonderful!

27 November 2000

Flood!!! With work, that is...Just taken time off from training to go down to Johor Bahru over the weekends for my church Young Adults' Camp. It's done good to me, I must say though I was surprised that I gained returns which I did not expect to have. The predominant feelings I came back with are really "love, friends and support". I went there expecting more spiritual stuff like "anointing, refreshing, supernatural power and wisdom". None of these happened, I guess that is what makes God, God...He knows better what I need. True enough! I rushed off to the beach as soon as I set berth in Singapore. I was greeted with 18 knots of good fantastic wind and choppy waters. 4 of us, Coach Q, Coach Tan, Chewy and myself went upwind and downwind twice. I did well for the first round though I didn't follow them...I was wondering why they sailed low...I was enjoying pointing high with tremendous speed. I was surprised at my speed and sturdiness as I wasn't yet recovered from my flu. By the way, I was swamped by a virus, both biologically and technologically. I fell to the flu virus and my home pc to the navidad.exe virus. Hence, I could not update my webby as much as I would love to. Anyway, I was railing so hard my ankles hurt a lot...but I really had fantastic speed which I know that I already had the Anointing I had sought from God in the camp. As I said, I had expected anointing, refreshing, power etc...I had somewhat manifested those without being aware of it. I was sick during the camp, half-hearted during the games, and participating in 40% of my full capacity. Yet I was able to pump like a monkey during the downwind to beat everybody else. Then Coach T told me my downwind speed has improved, (surprisingly). ahaha...I thought he was gonna laff. He also called me later in the night to reiterate that my overall upwind and downwind speed have improved, significantly. I must say that it's a sudden thingy. God does such things, you know. He's deposited the anointing and wisdom in you to have you manifest it when you are least conscious ot it. Then you'll know that it's "Not by might, nor by power, but but His spirit." So that we may not boast in our own strength but give Him the due glory. Coach T was also saying that he wasn't slow then and I remembered that I was always never able to catch him in strong winds. He uses a raceboard which has a faster boardspeed than mine. This means that my planing skills have shot up. My downwind was good too...in fact, relatively better than my upwind coz I was riding all the waves and pumping the sail like a monkey with the masttrack aft. Plus, my angle was good. The second upwind was bad, ironically. I started drifting uncontrollably after the first tack and nothing I did could salvage the problem. Maybe the angels were pushing my board. aha! Oh yes, check out the article on our coach http://web3.asia1.com.sg/archive/tnp/6/sports/npso81.html He's been here only a few weeks but I feel that much can be done for us in the next couple of years. I insist on being hopeful!!! I missed my lunch gym routine today...still not feeling well. I've got loads and loads of work waiting for me anyway. I'll write more later, about the camp. The new friends I made and stuff... it'll be a long one. stay tuned!

23 November 2000

Do I want to be doing something just because people think it's cool, hip and fashionable? Do I DARE to want to be myself, even when it's not gonna add to my accolades, feathers in my cap or popularity? Do I dare to accept myself for who I am and who I want to be? I've decided quite long ago that fame and popularity is not worth pursuing, that any ambition in this life is not worth pursuing, IF you have no love. You can give without loving but you can't love without giving! It's not about being religious and being irrelevant to the world, it's just about being true to self and your values. I'd rather stay true to my values even if it means I'm not indulging in the popular activities. I've decided that all which I do, if I feel no peace nor love, I'd not do. Not because I HAVE to, because I WANT to...coz Jesus' Love is exemplary...HE gave up everything for me, He's the only One who died for me, suffered at the hands of those He created. He GAVE His life, His life was not taken away from Him. He's the Only one worth living for! He did not suck up to the Pharisees of His day...submitting to peer pressure and out to add to His accolades. He simply lived His call and God exalted Him! Self-effort brings you only this far but God's exaltation endures forever. Love does not envy, does not lie, is not self-seeking, is not rude...if you do not have love, you do not have God...because God is Love! Yet you can have God and not have love...Some people stay faithful to their partners because they HAVE to...reputation, rejection, etc...no matter how faithful they PRETEND to be, they have violated the purity of love. Faithfulness is really about a CHOICE, a choice to be faithful even in a tempting situation, a choice to stay faithful despite being mocked by 'friends', a choice to be faithful to one's integrity and to God. Above all, they want to be faithful because they Love their partners. I'm numb to the ways of man...there's nothing new under the sun and I believe there is not a point when the situation is beyond one's control. A person's life today is a culmination of choices, good and bad, right and wrong. Let's live for Jesus...pursue Love, pursue His Presence!

22 November 2000

Caught a wist of Honour last nite at the movies. Brave fronts, gritted teeth and unbelieveable guts were the order of the nite in "Men of Honour". The story of a nigger farmhand who aspires to be Master Diver in the U.S. Navy had his dream fulfilled. Not a simple ambition when he had to overcome tough racial discrimination and prejudice to become the first African-American black in U.S. history to graduate from Navy School. Graduate he did not, he excelled and overcame, and became the Best! Poignantly, he achieved his dream almost at the expensive price of losing his lovely wife and son. He was rightly accused by his wife, Jo, of living only for himself and how she only demands a Little out of him, which he was not even willing to spare. Dreams, per se, are selfish. Sometimes people are accused of letting life slip by him, as he told Jo in reply to her statement that her dreams are much simpler and much less...i.e. to be a doctor. He had a point...small dreams in a simple lifestyle seems fleeting and big dreams make one's life appear noble and purposeful. Both of them are right and wrong...the idea is to strike a balance...not to get obsessive of the dream. Kiwi Bruce Kendall (2-time Olympic windsurfing champion) once said "Conquer your dream or your dream will conquer you!" It's important not to let the dream control one's consciousness such that one forgets the more important things in life, the non-perishables so to speak. Nonetheless, this movie shows this one man's courage, determination and single-mindedness which we can't help but admire and embrace. His dream was inspired by his late father's last words to him "Dun give up on me...BE THE BEST!" He was reminded of these words by the wooden radio which his father gave him, engraved on it "ASNF" -- A Son Never Forgets. With these, he pressed on toward his dream, against all odds, even when everyone around him rejected him, jeered at him, mocked at him...He endeavoured against all principalities of unbelief as if just to prove that they are wrong. He stuck on what he believed in and believed in himself when others did not believe in him. He made diamonds out of junk and rainbows out of raindrops. Ultimately, it was the simpler things in life that caused him to realise who and what he was fighting for. When he turned and saw his wife and son in the courtroom, as he was fighting the fight of his life to get reinstated back to active Navy duty, he turned to the judge and said that he understood traditions, he was standing there for a Tradition, called 'HONOUR'. This, silenced the tongues of cowardly men and stirred the hearts of everyone else. He saw the bigger picture through the loving eyes of his wife and son. He managed to grow his dream out of selfish ambition to encompass his family, country and values. Love helped him do that...that his wife's unceasing support, love and belief are by no means, tiny pillars. Unconditional Love changes a person for the better, solidifies his values, sharpens his perspective and and unveils revelations in his mind. The Honour of Love makes men of honour as well.

20 November 2000

ok...i'm as gloomy as the weather! Stuff going thru' my head is threatening to tear up my sanity as well as logic. I was supposed to be very very happy with the way things are moving for my sport yet, things are that not ideal with a close girl fren of mine. I'll spare the details as I'm aware that being too frank does hurt some people. Been busy the whole day with work...taking time out to breathe now. Phew! Skipped my lunch gym routine, sparing the cold I caught yesterday, what with the rainy weather and temperamental wind conditions. I'm caught on the low point of the day now particularly relative to the high I experienced this morning. I'm expecting my friend to come back to me to say that I've hurt her even more blah blah blah...sighz...help!!! Anyway, I learnt that Expectations kill! Simba in The Lion King once was told of his past hurts to 'put his behind in the past' ahahahaha...yup. Put your butt on your past troubles and sit on it. Either that or you can put the past behind you. It works both ways. I'm excited about the future...another friend leaked a secret to me just as "Hebrews" (a colleage of mine who is a 'he' and brews tea everyday so I nick him Hebrews) came by to offer me a cup of tea, that she's resigning her job in an ad company to be a vet nurse. Wow! I was secretly and sincerely happy for her that she's got what she's always wanted to have and do. This, no doubt is success and being happy. I'm glad that she had the courage to pursue her hearts' desires. Sighz, still trying to rid this gnawing feeling of mixed guilt, anger, hurt and bewilderment all in the same breath. Lord, take my cares and make me whole.

19 November 2000

Planing time!! We had 4 hours of solid planing today...sunny and windy, what else can I ask for? Albeit the chops, the planing was enough to lift my spirits and rekindle the windsurfing passion once again. I just had an emotional outing to my close friend's wedding in the morning, seeing her married with the man of her dreams gave me relief, joy and much anticipation of more good things to come for her. She's had a rough journey at times, and thoroughly deserves every love she can get from this man. Back to windsurfing, it wasn't the overpowering and catapulting conditions, juz a nice long afternoon of consistent 11 -13 knots with predictable chops. We started out sparring with our coach which resulted in mere tagging along and 'following', which I must admit, frustrated me a great deal. He wasn't telling us where to go and longing to watch his techniques, simply have to follow him, not concentrating on my own board speed but making sure he's always the leader, no matter how slow he is. We sailed around Siglap, Bedok and made our way back to shore. We were supposed to have a series of 'starts' practices after which we would go on upwind, focusing on railing and sheeting in the sail. Apparently, we had many problems with the wind and the buoy while we conveniently planed up and down waiting. We 'watched' him stay on the line, start without us knowing when he started, so i never failed to lag behind. We would sail for a while b4 we tack and plane on a broadreach back to the start line. We did that several times b4 the powerboat died right there on the sea, despite many desperate tries. By then, I was totally bummed. I was falling all over the place, from my board, over my sail and under it as well. I'm ok on the move, but trying to stay stationary on the unforgiving chops took its toll on me. I was secretly glad that we are not doing any more starts, which I wasn't learning anything anyway...aha! We planed for the next 2 hrs...till the wind died and I went back shore more bummed than I expected. I felt I had been planing much better today...firstly, with my harness lines aft sail, I literally felt no tug or pressure on my hands/arms at all...I was totally relaxed!!! I was sheeting in very well, able to point well when I want to and bear away when I need to. I only had one good gybe...sad! The rest were pretty much chicken gybes or failed ones. My daily gym workouts have saved me from early fatigue...allowing me to concentrate on my techniques and stance etc...previously, I would have bummed out after 2 hard hrs of sailing. I managed at least 4-5 hrs this time. yay!!!! My gym work-outs are manifesting the benefits. Plus, what also contributed much was my weight loss *everyone clap along...yay yay yay!* which definitely made me much lighter on the plane as well as plane earlier. I was having much problems in upwind in choppy conditions, however. I juz could not find the equilibrium--i either under-rail or over-rail (board almost flipping over). Frus! Plus, the waves keep my board into a constant zig zag route which I was trying hard not to get into. I couldn't straighten my legs, hence pulling the sail too far down towards me and killing the wind flow. yikes!!! I very much prefer the planing in strong wind/choppy conditions. To say the least, I don't have to stress out my forearms that much...upwind's a sheer torture on my forearms whatever the wind strength...it's either pumping or fighting against the gusts with your forearm. I very much prefer the former as the pulling motion is via self-will whilst pushing is because-I-have-to. Towards the last half an hour, my gybes were only executed 1/3-way though my spirit is willing my flesh was literally very weak. aha! After that was dinner with my secondary sch pals, one of whom was getting married in a couple weeks' time. I should like to think that it's up to us to choose what to think about, focus on and talk about. If all we think about is how scared we are about this, that, that's all life's going to be. The company we mix with is as important as faith can be imparted, just as much as fear and negativism. Let's choose to be full of faith, hope, courage, resilience, tenacity and love. Then Ling passed me a booklet "More than Gold" which features 20 Olympic and world-class Christian athletes who excel in sports for the glory of God. That is what they live for, breathe for and suffer pain for...to glorify the name of Jesus!!! This will best complement the CD version that I bought b4 the Sydney Olympics season. Soon, I will share a couple quotes when I've gone thru' it. Meanwhile, gotta recuperate from the 5 hrs of hard planing...gym again tomorrow! Try to smile ok...

17 November 2000

TGIF!!! I broke my usual lunch routine to the gym today. Phew!!! I'm giving myself an unofficial break...will pop by the gym after work instead. Somehow, I feel like having a food-court feast today...ordered chinese rice with lotsa stuff on it, sweet potato soup, teh-xi, 2 bananas & 1 papaya. I suspect it was y'day's 3 showers in a day that instictively make me want to stay in today. The storms were too much for me. I got showered the moment I came out of my shower after my workout. I had done some weights ex & hopped onto the stepper machine for some cardio. Juz as I dried slowly & almost painfully, by the office air-con did I get wet again from the pour after work. But I HAD to go, I was meeting Stephanie for dinner. We had a great time catching up...not restraining myself telling her any deepest matter in my mind even if it means only half an hour before Bible Study. I shared with her about my dilemma regarding my windsurfing stuff. As usual. In return, she saturated me with words of faith, hope and love. Better than the human sympathetic ear a thousand times. Somehow, God's spirit and words in the right season changes u...enlarges your vision and deepens your tenacity. It roots me in my vision, my calling and my destiny! The service was excellent, as is every other service. The worship brought tears to my eyes and strength to my heart. The song "Power of Your Love" gave a revelation that it is the LOVE of God = Power. The Power that enables me to soar with Him, into higher heights, bluer skies and greener pastures. Knowing HOW MUCH GOD LOVES ME is the empowerment to greater miracles and everything else. BANG!!! Pastor Prince continued with more Bang! He continued expounding on the Grace message and reminding us of the miracle wonders that happened last Thurs when the chijmes sang by themselves. Angels were with us literally. I strongly believed that one of them tripped over the musical instruments. aha! Tomorrow's my close 'sister's wedding at City Harvest Church. I've been grappling with the issue of marriage and babies. I've increasingly more friends who are getting and are married, some with kids, at 24 yrs old. *gasp* I love the idea of having a kid to chase around the house, a reason for me to start buying toys and playing with them, with my child of coz. The endowment of the most noble title "Domestic Engineer" would be sweet...I would wake up every morning to my child's 'adorable' cries for milk, later preparing breakfast for my dear hubby, see him off to work with my baby in my arms. Cook make-believe 'Tubby-Toast' with my child, cycle around the house and even make funny shapes with Play-doh. We can head down to the baby pool and frolick with the baby floats and rubber duckies. But! I've unfinished business at the moment...while all my friends are chasing the C dream and vying to be the No. 1 Rat, i'm still pursuing my lofty Olympic dream. Many of my friends who began with me in windsurfing have all dropped off and gone on to what they THINK as pragmatic and 'mature' aspirations. It seems to me that the Government has decided on our fates: 7 yrs old-- Primary 1; 13 yrs old--Sec 1 16 yrs old-- O levels; 18 yrs old--A levels 19 yrs old--University or National Service after which one works 5-6 days a week till he is 60 yrs old. It's time to withdraw that CPF. There's nothing new under the sun or anything unique to gaze upon. And when one deviates from this cycle of life, one rebels against the norms and people ask you 'how', 'why' and 'after that?' I often wondered about this phrase we see all too often on Quotable Quotes "What would you do if you knew if you could not fail?" We'd rather avoid answering that. What is most scary is not about not being able to fulfil one's dreams, but the lack of a dream. Hence, it is easiest to follow a set pattern as it is a 'PROVEN' path...trodden on and well cemented. The road less travelled would be avoided, ignored and mocked upon. Yet many agree that it is not the destination that matters as much as the Journey. If one travels on a commonly-travelled journey, one sees what the next person has seen, smelled and tasted. There is no variation nor anything new. Why settle for second best when you can have the best?! Go for it! I urge you...follow your heart...sometimes you need to leave your head behind for our thoughts have been conditioned to the set dimensions of society. God is calling men and women of this day to Pursue Him, His Presence and His Ways! Listen to your heart!

15 November 2000

It's 5 p.m. My second posty for the day. Match-sticks under my eyelids now...ate lunch really late so the drowsiness is taking effect now while it's worn off in other people. How embarrassing! I've tried stuffing myself with tidbits, the prawn crackers and now the spicy tapioca I got off the vending machine in the wonderful, tummy-saving pantry. My abs (if there are any) are rioting now...kinda achy and not so keen to let out a habitual cough. It sends the ripples down...Anyway, just heard from Wanqi that there wasn't wind at the beach and hence, no training. Also heard from Chewy that there was a storm that never quite came yesterday, which I imagined a bunch of grown-ups chasing storm clouds but never got the groove. Phew! At least it wasn't that bad afterall, for me at least, the unable-to-sail-during-lunchtime-sailor. There's gonna be a department steamboat dinner for no apparent occasion tonite. I'm not going! Not that it's gonna upset my training plans but I do need to get down to typing my Olympic Campaign very very soon. I suspect someone injected general anaesthesia into me coz I'm feeling like I'm gonna faaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllll assssssllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppppp. *slap slap* But anyway, I had a lousy time at the gym this afternoon. Not exactly lousy in terms of my training but the company was immature. There was a bunch of over-grown kids (possibly sec sch boys), overgrown in size (one was 6 foot 3, I'm pretty sure) and undergrown in thinking. They hogged the space and the weights, jammed up the audio airwaves (talking too loudly and all) and clogged up my mind. I do trainings on alternate days between the major muscle grps and the minor muscle grps. Today happened to be the major-but-not-that-major grp of muscles. I did some complex stuff with the barbell with 18 kgs (usually 20 kg) which is lighter than usual coz I tweaked my neck this morning. This complex thingy included squats, biceps, triceps, shoulders & forearms at the final haul. I hate it beyond description. Then I also concentrated on forearms with the 7.5 kg barbell, giving me the whine at the end of my 15 reps. Of coz there are the unforgettable abs ex, ankle raises for a sexy-look on the calves and obliques ex. I hanged myself literally too...with my hands of coz, to stretch and strengthen my lower back. Then off I went to buy a new bottle of moisturizer and chicken chop kuay teow. I feel more and more focused every single day. Every trial there is strengthens me, are as food for my nourishment. The obstacles laid along my Olympic route boosted my hunger and cemented the desire. It makes me come to terms as to HOW MUCH I want it and HOW HUNGRY i want to be. The underdog is where I want to be, says Christoph Sieber (the Sydney Olympics Gold medallist). That's where I want to be too...a place where I would not over-stress myself unduly nor place the world's weight upon my shoulders. I'm not Hercules eh. Meanwhile, I'm one day nearer to the fulfillment of my dream and when that day comes...I hope it comes! aha!
It's raining cats & dogs now...and it's only 10:15 a.m. It's a sign that the long-awaited NE Monsoon is biding near...time for the boardshorts & lycras to arise from their rest in the wardrobes. Suddenly, there are many 'full-time' sailors at the beach...where the wind is, they shall be. While they are happily sailing in the seas, I'm pumping iron in the claustrophobic gym during lunch-time. That's the best I can do, given my limited resources. This morning's MRT ride was one of the very unpleasant ones I experience periodically. There was this Indian man seated next to me, dressed unkemptly in a football jersey that's so old, there are bubbles on the sleeves. He was of course, unshaven and totally oblivious to social graces. He was reading his copy of Streats, so was I and my neighbour to my right. There should not be a battle for elbow space as long as one is zi dong enough not to spread the newspapers out to the maximum. Apparently, he did not. To add pain to my neck, which I was sure was sustained in my untidy sleeping posture the night before, there appeared to be something else sticking out in between his legs because his leg space intruded into mine. I instinctively inched away from him, elbows, legs and every part of the body that belonged to me. I had to snug close to my female neighbour to my right, hoping she doesn't mind the unwelcome warmth. As if I wasn't irritated enough, he was clearing his throat every one minute, making sure everyone in the carriage, and maybe the next, would be forewarned of his presence in the train. The clearing-throat action was not the usual soft, embarrassed sort but almost in a magnified tone enough to knit my brows further. Not to mention that he was soon nodding in his sleep, and increasing his leg-space dominance. I had nowhere to put my legs! I was concerned that I was soon to be spotted with a Uni-brow as I was getting increasingly irritated. Then...he started coughing!!!! I had my last straw...I got up from my seat, content to stand through and receiving sympathetic glares from fellow ladies commuters who noticed my uncomfortableness. My morning adventure...not the least exciting...

14 November 2000

MORE THAN GOLD...just decided on the title for my Olympic Campaign...this shall be the title to carry the whole thing thru' Woke up to a revelation that I was late for work...terribly. To say I rushed through is insufficient, I literally flew through my tasks & the next thing I knew was that I was in a blue cab...I 'awoke' in a sedated consciousness to find the horrendous, unworthy bill of $22 for this ride that's cripped by traffic jams. I ran through my mind how to argue myself out of the bill and how I should attack a cabby in the most gentle way. I paid up anyhow. aha! I mumbled to myself how I should really move out of my house and how I will never take a cab again! Time flew at work & now, I'm sitting here, musing over the philosophical stuff of life... "It's not about the Bike"...a quote from Lance Armstrong...the man who won the Tour De France twice, the second time after he lauched a brilliant bounce-back from testicular cancer. Brilliance is probably an insult for not only is it a show of courage, maturity, strength, resilience, focus and belief, it is also a performance of the triumph of a vulnerable human being against the darts of the devil. I can't say that he triumphed with the faith of a believer neither can I understate his amazing human resilience. As much as I wish that he could give all the glory to Jesus, proclaim His wonderful name and pursue His wonderful presence, I'm undeniably touched and moved by his being. His best moment in life was not on the bike, as he said, breasting the finish tape at the Tour, but it was that sacred moment of the birth of his son. It made the Tour seem so small, says the Winner. There are many many instances in a day that can make the greatest success seem so small...the birth of a child, the blossoming of a flower, the rising of the sun, the yawn of your newborn, a boy's joy with his first bicycle and even your little girl's first rough drawing saying 'i luv u'. Very often one gets distracted during the journey. Eyes fixed on the destination, he forgets to embrace the moment! Smell the flowers, hear the birds singing, say 'hi' to the uncle who sells chicken rice and even hide a love note in the jacket of your loved one. Forgetting to enjoy the moment is an insult to the Almighty God. That Life itself is not worthy to smile at, that there are no blessings coming along or that there's too much stress. More often than not, that stress is self-endowed. Only pride can do that. Let go & let God...God promises never to allow the righteous to be moved, AFTER one casts his burdens unto the Lord.

13 November 2000

Alrite...waiting out for a Meeting to discuss stuff in the Singapore Open that's happening rite at the end of the year... However, meanwhile, I'm losing my groove as I'm thinking too much. Bogging myself down with 'what ifs' and 'but-s'. Sighz, as much as I'm keen to lighten my countenance, I juz can't find the strength to do so, and even if I do, it'll look reallie fake. Either that or people may think I have neural spasms on my face. So I'll juz pretend to be 'introspective' and 'deep' in thoughts. Previously, I mentioned I was in an emotional roller-coaster, now I'm not sure if it could be a hormones VS emotions battle or could it be spirit VS flesh battle. Whichever it may be, Psalms 55:22 says that "Cast your cares unto the Lord, He shall never allow the righteous to be moved." How it refreshens me like cold water to a weary soul. I've already finished one packet of Butter-coated Sunflower seeds and not really craving for more coz it takes its toll on the relevant fingers. My fingers will be fine by tomorrow for another sunflower seeds-attack. I'm not sure if this is the right way to diet as I did not feel hungry since my gym workout during lunch-time. Got to ciao...
Alrite...waiting out for a Meeting to discuss stuff in the Singapore Open that's happening rite at the end of the year... However, meanwhile, I'm losing my groove as I'm thinking too much. Bogging myself down with 'what ifs' and 'but-s'. Sighz, as much as I'm keen to lighten my countenance, I juz can't find the strength to do so, and even if I do, it'll look reallie fake. Either that or people may think I have neural spasms on my face. So I'll juz pretend to be 'introspective' and 'deep' in thoughts. Previously, I mentioned I was in an emotional roller-coaster, now I'm not sure if it could be a hormones VS emotions battle or could it be spirit VS flesh battle. Whichever it may be, Psalms 55:22 says that "Cast your cares unto the Lord, He shall never allow the righteous to be moved." How it refreshens me like cold water to a weary soul. I've already finished one packet of Butter-coated Sunflower seeds and not really craving for more coz it takes its toll on the relevant fingers. My fingers will be fine by tomorrow for another sunflower seeds-attack. I'm not sure if this is the right way to diet as I did not feel hungry since my gym workout during lunch-time. Got to ciao...
Reality bites! OUch!!!!! I won't be touching any sand for another 4 and a half days and for now, I gotta be content ogling at the foto-posters I made out of the Sydney Olympics. Christoph Siber (Austrian Gold medallist) & Alessandra Sensini (Italian Gold-medallist) are seated with me at my office cubicle, reminding me of the lofty, elusive Olympic Dream daily. I seem to be on an emotional roller-coaster rite now, tossing through and from Dream-state and Reality, not sure which is which occasionally. I think they are synonymous in the most basic meaning of the 2 words. Anything which can be visualised by the mind and eyes is tangible, hence Reality. The Bible says that 'blessed is he who walks and sees by faith, than by sight. Many times people live Reality in a dream-state. They float through life without truly living. This is an inferior lifestyle to living one's Dream in Reality, even though they are most likely the ones to be jeered and mocked at. To live or to be alive...a complex question as much as it is simple. As Hamlet said, "To be or not to be, THAT is the question." I had answered my own questions long ago, only to have someone snatching them away from me. I can't say that it doesn't affect me because it does. It hurt deeply. Now, some are questioning me the very questions that I've answered long ago and seeing MY answers on other people. Cheated and betrayed by my own kind? It's like some other kid in my neighbourhood taking my marbles away from my hand. As determined as I am in pursuing to manifest my answers in my own life, I am as determined to help that 'others' in their manifestation of their dream. I owe everything to Jesus and He lived His life for others, that they may live. I shall love my enemies and feed them bread. Shalom!!!! :)

12 November 2000

1-4 knots, NE-E wind: Our long-awaited wait for the coachy has finally ended on a good note of relief. We had our very first session with him and I must say that I'm hopeful to a great extent. We didn't do solid super trg to burn our brains and arms out but enough for him to watch & catch us at our worst. Everyone was amazingly hardworking today! aha! We sailed from Bedok buoy to Keta and then to Padang, back to Bedok. I just wasn't warmed up enough nor pumping well on the reach in particular. i was in 3rd psn, slipping to last 3rd at the end of the leg. I was frustrated at how my pumps do not increase board speed and it appeared to be a waste of my strength. I let it go...tired, frustrated and hot! I experimented with my daggerboard but came out inconclusive.I didn't succeed in the wave-riding either. yikes!!!! Determined to do better in the next 'race', I came in 1st in the fleet of 8 in the next upwind from Bedok to the boat. I basically pumped my brains out, that's all...I think towards the end, I sorta closed my eyes and pumped, pumped pumped...It worked anyhow. I was very happy, frankly. This, is my best wind condition! Rather, no-wind condition. :))) When others can't seem to move, I can! ahahha...After that we were screaming for iced water and we did smuggle ourselves into ECSSC for rehydration. The debrief afterwards was very beneficial. I figure I should really improve tons under this man, certainly I really ought to think about how I can increase my water time in addition to wkend trgs. Meanwhile, wkday gym trgs should suffice. Arrggggggghhhhhhh!!! It's back to work again...and lifestyle as a vampire. It's amazing how quickly the wkends slip by, leaving me looking fwd for the next wkend to arrive. Nonetheless, it's back to routine in the office again...work work work...& to be among all the other TELE-tubbies in my company...Well, in case you think I'm terribly plump, purple and have an antenna up my head, nope! ESPN where I work is a sports channel so we are all teletubbies figuratively. Thank God I have some butter-coated sunflower seeds to keep me company b4 the wkends come, and still brooding over the gigantic Pooh bear which my team-mate did NOT buy in Shanghai. :P
Woke up to an overdose of caffeine I took the nite b4...at least, thankfully, i managed to sleep eventually. The marble cheesecake was still floating around in my tummy, as is the coffee. I can't believe how I can stretch time...I'm definitely late for first service in church (NEW CREATION CHURCH http://www.newcreation.org.sg) so I thought I'll go for the second. & I'm still sitting here typing up...Anyway, just penned an email to Yasuko, my Japanese windsurfer friend, telling her that I've ordered for her brand new equipment blah blah... also that I long to be Supergirl like her. aha! Anywayz, one article caught my eye in The Sunday Times today. Rather, one particular pix...that of a bikini-clad China-Chinese-'Singaporean' table tennis player in the Sports section. I thought I was seeing things. I wondered about how she has RE-defined sports and sports apparels to be this? There was an argument about how generally Singaporeans do not favour foreign talent representing SIN in major competitions. I belong to that group that's NOT supporting the idea of foreign talent. Basically because I also belong to the group of LOCAL talent, local meaning 'by birth' & not immigration, that desires to be developed and nurtured to world-class standards. How simple can my reasoning get? In fact, I felt ZILCH when I read about some of 'our' table tennis players reaching the semi-finals in the Sydney Olympics. Simply because I can't help but think that they are not 'Singaporean' though they may be Singaporeans legally. They are not very Singaporean in the way they speak nor behave, I think. Being 'Singaporean' means more than just living in Singapore, eating chicken rice and taking the MRT. It also means more than wanting to play table tennis...or for her case, wanting a medal or wanting to play table tennis?? She could continue to play table tennis back home but may not win medals, conversely true if she's 'Singaporean'. Is it a passion for the sport or a passion to pursue fame & $$? Think about it...we cannot rely on shortcuts forever, simply. My 2 cts for this morning...got to rush to church now and then to the beach...

11 November 2000

Good wind...FINALLY! It's been a while since I had a chance to pull my mast track all the way back. Initially the wind was gusty and patchy...those sorts that I simply hate. It's like the type of wind where u think someone is holding on to the wind tap & turning it on and off...the sorts that suddenly increase by 5 kts and threaten to catapult u. Well, I got catapulted and slammed er, 3x or more...not as bad as my fren Ching whose catapult resulted in 2 broken battens & a broken ego. I was not much better, grunting most of the time as I climb back up on the board. Plus, it didn't help that my wkday gym trg always manifest on my first wkend windsurfing, not to mention the sudden shocks the gust give to my tight forearm muscles. I was cramping up a lot there. Thank God, the gusts dropped and the wind became more consistent throughout. It was blowing around 15 kts steadily. Boy was I enjoying myself by then...a bunch of us sailed up to Padang, broadreaching all the way, pulling through occasional patches of lulls. Soon u will be able to predict when the lulls come and quickly open up your sail & get yr feet off the foot-straps. We did that twice till we launched a 'search & rescue' mission for a 'missing' team-mate. We realised that he's been missing since the storm. Ben & Harold went off searching towards the easterly direction & I headed towards the ships, half expecting to find him stuck under a ship's hull or anchor-line. Nah, I was actually worried sick for him. I prayed for his protection and hoping NOT to find a mangled mess of flesh, sail, mast & foam. Later I found out he's actually gone back to shore to drink water. I was fuming mad plus relieved all at the same time. There goes our training & the wind...the wind died as I was searching & I ended up at PA ordering new sets of MOD equipment for the Japanese sailors. How convenient, I thought! This Jap friend of mine is a Supergirl, as I call her. One of the rare windsurfers who bother to pen out emails and share her goings-on etc...Back to my 'training', the wind died, expectedly...to a 0 kt or less...ahaha... However, I was feeling more than satisfied with the planing and good sailing I did. I could hold off the big boys in the winds and not letting some of them catch up with me. I was sheeting in nicely and reacted well to the lulls without slowing down too much. Those old long harness lines helped a great deal, as did the new postions I placed the upwind footstraps. I reached the upwind Mark, Keta buoy 3rd among the 6 of us and maintained this psn as we hit Padang buoy in a straight reach. I tried to minimise the bouncing but couldn't. I will have to figure that out later. Also, I thought my harness lines outta be further back in the stronger winds but din have the time to fix it. Coz 90% of the days we have reallie light winds so my equipment is set to light wind conditions. Of coz, my sail was too full initially for the gusty conditions even when I pulled tight everything possible. Overall, I was happy with the free n' easy session today as I felt much stronger. My gym trgs r manifesting good results, despite the initial cramps. I could still pull off 4 chin-ups after that...which was quite a record for me! ahahaha...i'm indeed very motivated to focus on my physical trg as it makes so much difference to my endurance. Not to mention my diet's got to work or I'll sink very soon even with a life-jac on. Looking forward to tomorrow's session as we are meeting our chinese coachy for the first time. Either his English improves or our mandarin...aha! Hope he can formulate a good physical training program for me to work on in the weekdays so I can make full use of the wkend water trainings. Minus the typical chinese mentality of work and life, I would suck every piece of windsurfing knowledge out of him. I hope coachy & sailors can click well, on and off water. I certainly do not look forward to the regimental way of training in China where you sail coz it's better than working in the farm or that your family cannot afford to upkeep another child. The politics and sociology of sports...arghhh...I'd rather not expound on this for it'll take more than a thesis. Meanwhile, I'm suspecting that my toes are hurting a little...ouch! More later... &

10 November 2000

Just been reading about Barbara kendall & Teddy Huang's adventures. To say that I was fuelled and fired up is an understatement. I'm stoked juz reading and imagining. I would usually be tired out after a hard week's at work. Somehow, passion and energy can be so easily bounced off & rubbed off, from one shoulder to the next. Words indeed allow one to climb into one's skin & walk around in it. Not to mention the feeling of overwhelming excitement, as if I'm sailing with them & hovering in spirit-form. My heart is indeed overwhelmed. I had longed to be able to post lotsa race reports like barb can. However, it's not always easy when I have only such limited race experience, where the no. of overseas races can be counted easily between my 2 hands. It would seem almost embarrassing to write anything about my training sessions or post my innermost thoughts. Yet, it came to my mind that no one's too insignificant to be ignored, no dream too small, no question too dumb, no effort too little. Went to work today with a heart full of joy and expectations. My heart was basically overflowing with the knowing that "I can really do all things THROUGH CHRIST who strengthens me". This reminds me of an ad that I saw, "What will you do if you know that you cannot possibly fail in?" I automatically started thinking of the things I want to do, or think I CAN do. There are so many things to look forward to if one tries to find it. I looked forward to luncheon with one of my windsurfing gals, Wanqi. We had a simple lunchy, laffing and poring over the fotos that I just collected. My prized possessions from the Sydney Olympics. I was basically trigger-happy over 13 rolls of films. Blew up classic shots of Olympic windsurfers to decorate my room and office. Pictures tell a million words, at least, words that would be incapable of explaining what I felt in those times. My best moment, as I reminisce, was during the Prize-Giving Ceremony, held in front of the beautiful Opera House at Circular Quay. As the National anthems played, the flags climbed steadily up the poles, the winners on the podium awe-struck and the audience inundated in the reality of it, I felt that THIS is indeed, THE one moment in time. THIS is what the Olympics is all about. THIS is more than an everlasting memory ingrained in me. Notwithstanding the Olympic hype and celebration, the impact of the meaning of the Games hit me more than a 100 kt typhoon. The winners must be feeling a myriad of feelings: joy indescribable, numbness, relief and unbelief. Yet others pained by a dream unfulfilled, others elated beyond description. It must have been more than a combination of these feelings. Years of physical abuse, commitment, sacrifice, effort, concentration and work cannot be narrowed to a single feeling. It must have been more than this. It is a sacred time for the winners to celebrate, with millions others, how their sweat & tears translate into such a glorious moment. It is a time to celebrate why they raced, who they raced for and who they are. It is too easy to be there and cheer along...and dismiss the non-medallists off as purely non-medallists, few know the sacrifices they went through to be where they are, and the pain they endured to pursue their passion & dream. Few heard their cries of hopelessness and fear and few dried their tears. Probably no one has felt their most intense pain gnawing on the inside of them as they feel the medal slipping by, and dreams remaining elusive.