My brain is saturated! Finally, work has been kinder to me today. Ironically, it leaves me bored, tired and even more lethargic. I received an email from a young 'disciple' who was talking ernestly about her frustrations, anger and confusion. Every word and adjective seems much of what I've gone through, either for positive or negative. I do not think that such questioning and introspective examination is bad, lest it leads to depression and hopelessness. Most times, it was during such moments of introspection that I recover myself, face myself in the nudest form and truthfully forcing myself to accept every wart and all. Over these many years of competition experience, I have this to say: 1) Expectations: They kill you! Yes, they do and not only that, rather ruthlessly. His brother's name is Perfection and they serve the same purpose and come from the same mother. Expectations placed upon oneself can do 2 things. They serve as a sort of Power to cause one to surge forward, and even to exceed beyond one's natural abilities and transcend beyond one's disabilities. The other purpose is that it also creates guilt and condemnation enough to brake one in his tracks. The point is that Expectations itself has great limitations and is self-inhibiting in nature. A person places Expectations on himself to achieve something so as to gain a better result or a trophy, to increase accolades and gain recognition. Most of the time a person thrives and surges forward most positively, attempting to achieve such internal and external rewards. The test comes when trials and failures seep in. Discouragement, disillusionment and dissatisfaction become the all-encompassing feeling. One feels that he cannot match his expectations and hence feels deflated. Sori...i've run out of time to continue this...I'll do it tomorrow. Meanwhile, I've received a Christmas card from a varsity classmate. She's my age, got married after graduation, had a son who's learning to walk now and expecting a girl due next Feb. I almost fainted! Am I late in life? I'm far far away from that stage of domestication. No boyfriend, no husband, no baby, no cries to attend to at night. Am I missing out on something here? Come Friday, I have yet another wedding to attend to. It's my Secondary School classmate. Half of my class girls are married. I've been giving out too many Ang Pows this year...Stop it!!!