13 September, SEA Games The race starts on Monday and will end on Saturday, latest Sunday (spare day). My event sees only 3 competitors, Thailand, Indonesia & Singapore. The fewer competitors mean that the tougher it is...it'll be more of a tactical race than anything. I was lying 1st after the 1st day but dropped to 2nd place by today. I sailed badly on the 2nd day but recovered enough to come back stronger on 3rd day. Thai sailor is ahead of me by 5 points, and I’m leading the 3rd girl by 3 points. It is stiff and almost impossible for me to catch up to win the gold unless I come in 1st in the next 4 races and Thai finishes 3rd or gets disqualified etc. Today is a reserve day. we have 2 more days of racing, 4 races left. So far, the points and our positions are as follows: Thai: 1, 2, 1, 1, 1, 1 Singapore: 2, 1, 3, 3, 2, 2 Indonesia: 3, 3, 2, 2, 3, 3 Tactically, I need to secure a Silver first and if I do win the Thai, it’s a bonus. I still have to keep a look-out for INA. The lesser points win…If we run 8 races and above, we are allowed to discard 2 races. On the first day, I had blazing form as I was thoroughly in peace and in rest. I surprised everyone when I was 1st on score tally. Pressure came in and I crashed on the 2nd day, as everyone was expecting the gold medal from me since. I was not in rest then and was full of anxiety, and even came back with bad blisters on my hands. 3rd day, I went out praising the Lord and worshipping Him for His goodness etc…and sailed with the peace I had on 1st day. But I made some stupid mistakes which cost me one win. I could have won the 1st race. Seems like a miracle is needed if I should get the Gold. Thai would have to do really badly and I would have to sail really well. I don’t know how this is possible but my trust is in the Lord. Praise God for every result I had… I've been reading yr emails and praising God for the victory (in tongues etc) that He already acquired for me and is inside me. Yes, I'm conscious that it is not by my training or own strength that will get me the Gold medal. I shall remove every fear and concern that I may disappoint and have confidence in the Lord. They are indeed strong and Thai girl has juz returned from competing in the World Champs. She also went to the Olympics last year plus all the major events, while I didn’t and started full-time training only in Feb. They seem like impossible competitors to triumph in the natural, BUT i will go forth in the strength & confidence in the Lord. God is in covenant with me and He is not capable of failing me!!! My trainings can only bring me a short distance but His grace will get me the victory!! I will praise the Lord at all times...and find courage and grace in HIS sight.

2001 KL SEA Games...20 August, 2001, from Bayu Beach Resort, Port Dickson, Malaysia Decided to go to hotel manager's apt to download my emails tonite, since it's our off day! yay!!! Had gone out to Seremban town this afternoon, with Naomi, Stanley Tan and 2 coaches. After we sent Stanley off at the train station, we proceeded back to Bayu resort, but only after some drinks across the road. Then Naomi & I went for a comfortable 43 min run nearing 8 km in one of the villages nearby called Desa Rusa. There is a local primary school and some nice long houses in them, mostly comprising of Malays & Indians. And it was dinner-time and now, typing emails. On today's papers, it was stated 19 days away from SEA Games...and boy, it hasn't begun to sunk it yet!! However, it has, almost subtly, when I discover that sailors are becoming generally quieter and more serious, though more fatigued. For me, I'm only getting slightly more worried, though i know I shouldn't, and juz rest/trust in God. I'm getting worried abt the diminishing and depleting wind conditions. This week has been a challenge, the wind ranging from 0-4 knots max, not to mention short gusts that come and go. Yesterday, we were pumping around Olympic-sized trapezoid courese in 0-1 kt winds, and strong current. I could hardly muster the physical strength to create momentum. I lost out to the boys by one whole round/sausage. Coach scolds me for lousy performance and the 'what-if-it's-race-day' comment, myself feeling super lousy for not feeling good & not being able to psyche myself up in this no wind condition. My mood drops with the wind strength. When pumping becomes the sole means of propulsion and board momentum, it takes the life out of u to juz make yr board move. It's ok in the Girls' fleet as everyone would be on almost equal grounds in terms of physical strength. Maybe it's my own frustration...I'm praying they won't start races in the SEA Games in this 0 gusting to 2 kts wind. It's no WIND-surfing...prob PUMP-surfing. I hope we'll be racing in 6-8 kts wind at least... I have learnt a great deal abt professional windsurfing from Coach during this trip. Firstly, equipment: He taught us how to love our equipment, set it up 'perfectly' and etc...every unnecessary knot would be done away with and every dirt is wiped away. I would sweep my hands over my board after each session to clean it of dirt, sand etc...every part of the equipment is perfect and tuned to the finest mm/cm. I now know how much a difference it makes, that extra cm or adjustment to the downhaul/outhaul/footstraps. How to personalise a sail and know how to tune a sail to sail optimumly. I would know if my outhaul had loosened by itself when I'm pumping or if my boom slipped by one cm. I'm learning...and feeling excited. Secondly and more...that'll be too much for me to write...:) We'll be returning to Singapore on 30 Aug, next Thurs to be precise. Collecting our blazers etc the next day, we would fly up in style on 2 Sept, prob moving into the Games Village. The ST journalists (Tse Chueen & 2 photographers) had came by last Thurs/Fri, juz to take pix of us eating dinner, doing laundry and training. They really bother, I thought!! But this is part of the stress that's beginning to seep in...the press, expectations, the results, whether we r peaking etc...and sometimes, the 'what-if-i-don't-make-the-cut' thoughts. I heard there was an article yesterday abt us...We train twice a day, 2-half-3 hrs in the morning and another of this in the aftn. We would leave our equipment on the beach, under the trees b4 we launch again after a short lunch of sandwiches (and instant noodles...the bread is simply not enuf...we say, ang moh no brain, give us so little). Plus, our head coach was worried we will put on weight when SEA G starts. Surely not for the windsurfers...finally, a little of my abs are showing. aha! I was telling the sailors that we ought to learn each other's sports so we can understand each other more. I know sailing so they should learn windsurfing too. Otherwise, we cannot meet each other's needs on simple things like food and rest. By the way, 2 days ago, I had carefully placed my equipment under a tree during our lunch break. An hr later, I found 8 coconuts nicely placed on my sail...I looked up to see a 10m tall coconut tree, and realised my wrong choice of tree. Thank God that there was no hole, only some coconut prints and scratches...I think it was a miracle!! The coconuts were the usual size and they dropped together with the leaves. It muz have been divine protection. Count my blessings...I was usually careful in choosing trees but that day, I was particularly tired and looking fwd to going back to my room, hence... I thank God for Naomi here...at least I have someone to talk to, to click with. I realised how that is a blessing after all. This trip is already a hundred times more comfortable than my China trips. Coz sometimes it gets really boring, with juz training the whole day, and I would juz hole up in my room at night, after dinner. Yes, I do appreciate the single-mindedness of training, as it was in China (much worse in China actually). Most nights I would juz snuggle up in my comforter, sit on my bed in nice cool air-con temps, read books, write notes, play music, watch VCDs...and reflect on my life, and training. When I've though thru' almost everything possible, sometimes I would go over to Naomi and chat (or vice versa, depending who gets bored first). Then we'll exchange notes abt sailing, windsurfing, sailors, coaches, God or juz plain gossip. aha!! Time actually flies past faster than I imagined. We are gossiping less now, and juz holing up in our rooms, kept company by our thoughts, prayers and reflections. I guess the reality of the race is getting nearer to me and I'm feeling it. I know better than to entertain it too much so I bought 4 more VCDs last night...classics like BEN Hur, Evita, Little Buddha & The Hurricane. Previously, I watched Swordfish, Kiss of the Dragon and Angel Eyes...Pirated vcds r making the cinema a dwindling business. It's raining now...Quite a rare phenomenon in PD...I hope it doesn't make the wind go away. It's definitely one of the coldest nights thus far. A great change from the blistering heat! Munching on Penang tao sar biscuits which Ker Wan bought for me. Great stuff, good & cheap. Was really glad he came by to visit me as well as to race. Certainly felt the support thru' the efforts and trouble which he took.The 4 hour driving each way, hotel expenses and bringing things up for me (instant noodles, milk, ST, etc). I'm so blessed...now I'm raring to go all the way for the last part of my training. All or nothing!! Meanwhile, I'll be coveting for your prayers...for a miracle in the GOLD medal and that I'll be in the right gust/shift at all the right times, and that I'll be supernaturally endowed with strength & wisdom. That it will be Jesus windsurfing thru' me and I will glorify Him. Living for this cause...