29 May 2001, Monday Songs of Silence: In the day, I lose myself out there in the sea. In the night, I come to find myself back! In the night, you don¡¯t even know the sea is there. Darkness. And you even think it¡¯s so still that the sea is nothing more than a big patch of darkness. Till you walk nearer and listen more intently, you¡¯ll hear the waves crashing gently on the seashore. If you strain your eyes a little, you can even outline strips of light reflected off the surface from the moon. Listen even more intently and you discover a rhythm to the waves; look closer and you see a piercing light in the somber darkness. Can you hear the sea singing songs of silence? I do¡­it¡¯s a song punctuated with crashing waves and howling winds. On other nights, the waves are gentle and the wind¡¯s a shy breeze. Tonight¡¯s song is silent as of other nights. Overcome by fatigue, speechless from my daily weariness and overwhelmed by routine, I sought to find my voice again. Putting aside the reasons that put me here and shrugging off the single-mindedness I was supposed to bear, I seek to listen to my heart, once more, like a child would. I strain to take note of every sound I can hear around me. I listen to the stall-owner¡¯s voice and what she says. I hear the motorbike¡¯s roaring engine. I hear the footsteps of some passers-by. I hear the rustling of leaves and a plastic bag taking off into the dark. I could even hear muffled voices in the distant, occasionally disturbed by shrieks of laughter. I struggle to remember it, lest I forget and lose the feeling. I attempt to remember the day¡¯s activities while savouring the hardship and pondering over the routine of life. After all, this will make up several chapters of my life. Finally, I realized that my song is still silent. It is meant to be silent, I figured. In silence, there is peace. There is a knowing and a focus. In silence means I can sing as though there are no yesterdays or tomorrows. I can create my tune and make up my choir; choreograph the piece and design the lights. In silence means I can hear better. In silence means I can pick up lost thoughts and reflect further on others. In silence means I can sing songs of silence. Whatever you do, be yourself¡­and be what God designed you to be! Labour into rest and struggle to be at peace with yourself.

25 March 2001, Friday PAY IT FORWARD¡­think of an idea to change the world, and put it into action. Trevor McKinney, a 7th-grader, son of a single parent Arlene McKinney (Helen Hunt), changes his world and the people around him with an idea¡­Eugene Simonet, the teacher, throws this idea to his social studies class, and challenges them to think it ¡®possible¡¯ to change the world. Trevor conjures the idea of ¡®Pay It Forward¡¯, brings a bum home, gave him money to buy clothes and lets him sleep in the garage. This man's life is changed by the boy¡¯s kindness¡­the kindness spreads, and spreads. Meanwhile, Trevor thought he had failed and targets Mr Simonet next. He attempts to bring Eugene and his mother together, half in fear that his natural alcoholic father may return, and half hoping Eugene would replace him. Arlene is faced with a man in fear! A man whose past haunts him, emotionally and physically. He sought for familiarity and stability in his life, never got involved with girls and never questioned beyond what he knows and what he has, even though they are bad. He withdraws himself before he even stood out. He used big words to hide his simplicity, quietness to hide his silence. He fears being somewhere he¡¯s never been before and panics when confronted with his fears. Arlene confronts him one night in his apartment, barged in demanding, ¡°Do you look down on me? Coz I don¡¯t talk like you do or read the stuff you read¡­don¡¯t talk to me like that! He says ¡®But I always talk like that, words are all I have.¡¯ Why, why, because you think your face looks like shit? I don¡¯t care about your burns, Eugene, if they are what they are¡­whatever happened to you, you look good to me!! Eugene confessed, ¡®I¡¯ve never been here before¡­¡¯ and starts being defensive, ¡®You don¡¯t see me! MY life is familiar. My life is manageable and everyday, there¡¯s a thing I do¡­it¡¯s all I ever know. With THAT, I¡¯m ok¡­without it, I¡¯m lost.¡¯ Arlene asks if all he WANTS in life is his god-damned manageable routine and she doesn¡¯t believe it. She kisses him and he pulls away. She said she¡¯s tried her best and he says it¡¯s not about her. Yes it is, she says, something is being offered to you here but you don¡¯t want it, maybe you¡¯re afraid to get rejected but I can¡¯t reject you, you¡¯re too quick for me. Eugene protects himself with his routine, that which he ever knew safe. Choosing loneliness and familiarity over love and change, he buries himself in his insecurities. Trevor sees him more than he sees himself. He makes him see beyond duty, to listen to his heart and follow it. The next thing he did was to appear at Arlene¡¯s house and makes love to her. It was more than baring himself and his burns to her, it was a shedding of the past, a reconciliation of desire and change, a redemption of a man given to his fears and insecurities. Almost as if to test his love for her and his ability to change, Arlene¡¯s alcoholic husband returns. Arlene looks for Eugene to explain why she¡¯s taking the alcoholic man back. Eugene was provoked to remember his past, why abused women, like Arlene and his own mother, would keep abuse a secret, and what good it does to the children and Trevor. He poured out his story of how his alcoholic father would get down on his knees in tears, begged his mother to take him back, and how she always took him back. Eugene left home when he was 13. He came back 3 years later and tries to bring his mother away. His father hits him semi-conscious and sets him ablaze. Eugene remembers the look in his eyes till today, that look of immense satisfaction of burning up his son. He breaks down¡­Arlene is sorry for him and Eugene blows up¡­he tells her not to be sorry for him, he begged her to just prevent that from happening to Trevor. She promises it won¡¯t happen to Trevor. Eugene pointed out ¡®All he has to do is NOT love Trevor!¡¯ and walks up his apartment. Arlene knew she¡¯s made a mistake by then, the beauty of hindsight confronts the impossibility of reversing a decision. The next time her alcoholic husband became violent with her, she chases him out of the house. Her fears that he may never forgive her again stopped her from initiating reconciliation with him. It¡¯s hard for some people who are so used to things the way they are, even if they are bad to change. And they kind of give up, when they do, everybody kinda loses. Eugene swears to Arlene that he doesn¡¯t want to be one of those people he¡¯s talking about, or become one. I don¡¯t want to spend another second of wasted air without you. Please don¡¯t let me stay trapped in this forever. I don¡¯t want to spend another second without you. That moment of intense desire and romantic passion was juxtaposed with Trevor¡¯s poignant death. He died for what he believed in, even if it means doing it on a second chance, even if it means that it seems overly idealistic and it only happens on an utopia, that by paying it forward, he can fix a person¡¯s life¡­he just wants to see if he can change the world!! It¡¯s like a big chance to fix something that¡¯s not like your bike, you can fix a person. Because people can¡¯t always see what they need¡­A remarkable young man who¡¯s learnt how to overcome fear and rejection to achieve what he¡¯s dreamt of. Fear is not ONE person¡¯s responsibility, it¡¯s everybody else¡¯s. All of us have a duty towards the next person, to help them overcome their weaknesses and fears, and this world will indeed, change!!

9 May 2001, Tuesday We started the day off with a warm-up run and afterwards at 9 a.m., did some intense abs exercises, grip hangs & the ‘vampire’ squats. The abs exercises were the highlights of the day, targeting at the upper abs, obliques and lower back. The radical exercise was the obliques ex…we lie down sideways, criss-crossing out legs, one on top of the other. Get a partner to sit on your feet and you would do the sit-up exercise sideways, using your obliques to come up. 30 reps each side. J My palms were already sore from windsurfing and the fact that we had to hang on the thick, iron, rusty bar for 2 min creates a headache. J After land training was done, we were back for a rest plus lunch…later, the waves visited on the wind’s behalf and we went swimming & body-surfing instead. It was rather fun swimming in the surf and relaxing the body after a day’s work-out. We also saw a number of teams out there swimming together, replacing windsurfing training with a relaxing swimming session. J We had dumplings delivered to our hotel for dinner. It cost us only $25 for 4 boxes of dumplings. 12 May 2001, Saturday Full-time training is a lot more painful & tough than I had expected in every single aspect. I came to a revelation at how much ‘hard work’ & financial security plays in a sailor’s performance, all other factors a constant. Looking at the Chinese sailors here is a good example. All of them are salaried sailors, meaning it’s a job for them, hence putting them on equal grounds. Those top sailors who excel are those who train the hardest, work the most, put in their heart/soul in every single training & are ambitious. Everyone does the same training day in and day out but how HARD one works is a deciding factor which one can decide to control. Yet because the Chinese sailors are salaried, they have to press on despite feeling fatigued or not-in-the-mood to train, just as we have to go to work regardless of how we feel that day. Singapore sailors are moved by passion for windsurfing, hence when fatigue sets in, we are reluctant to continue pushing as we are no longer enjoying the sport then. We know we are not obliged to train when we are in great pain & fatigue. Yet this ‘pressing-on’ is crucial to building up an endurance which in a long time frame, is foundational in making us strong sailors. Moreover, I’m constantly worried about my finances…my family’s financial situation and how I’m not contributing to my family. I’ve not had a salary for 4 months since I turned full-time and many times, I wonder for how many more months I can train in peace, knowing that my savings are running empty and no money’s coming in on a regular basis & in sufficiency. Hence it’s not just a physical and technical struggle in full-time training. I am confident that I can and more than willing to handle the physical pain, technical understanding but the fuel that can continue to drive me on in the long term is the assurance and knowing that all other aspects of my life are taken care of. Effective full-time training is a cumulative program. Atmosphere is as important as the content of training as training in a group of good windsurfers makes it instinctive for one to assume the correct techniques, motivation and for good observation. We naturally climb up higher rungs without even knowing it. Training with others make the high training load more bearable, as the team spirit is there and pushing each other on. In this lifestyle of eat-sleep-windsurf, I think mostly windsurfing. I seldom daydreamed except when I was fatigued. I thought about what I want to achieve, how I can push myself more and further, I thought about the various techniques I need to work on and stayed alert to my goal. Knowing that I am still a foot-note in this region pushes me on…to train long & hard, it’s painful but worth it. I celebrate the fact that I am given the opportunities to extend my horizons, to push further my pain barriers and crash beyond current physical/emotional limits. There is a sort of indescribable peace in the simplicity of my dedication. I appreciated the single-mindedness of training hard during the day and holing up in my bed at night. To give up means to go back to work, which is a much easier way out because professional windsurfing is a hard, hard job (if there’s even a salary). To press on means I have to endure pain in every inch of my body, everyday. To push through barriers means I press on in moments when I feel I’m about to crash and to punish my body even harder when I don’t even have an ounce of strength left. As long as I have goals to work for, I’ll always have the fuel to drive me on & up. I can be told I only have a 1% chance to win, but I have to believe and I have to fight!! When I believe and I try, I’ll realize that I’m much better than I know; that I have unrealized capacities that sometimes only emerge in crisis. This is what drives me on…living for this cause; pursuing God’s call & knowing Him more intimately every moment. 14 May 2001, Monday: Journey to Shantou from Shanwei to visit my distant relatives: They were all so happy to see me…some were in tears. I’ve not done something like this for anyone but for Mom. It was a tumultuous journey to begin with…when uncle was telling everyone how I am ‘wu sim’ (got heart), I was kinda emotionless. Coz I din go there coz I really miss them or really want to see them. For goodness’ sake, I wasn’t born when they were in S’pore. Moreover, my generation will be the lost world. I went there coz I know Mom will be happy. That’s all! In fact, when I was there, I didn’t feel any emotion nor feeling of intimacy with any of them. Logically, I know that the cousins, uncles, aunties are all directly related to me. There’s definitely a gap. I felt more like a tourist than anything else…I was intrigued by the pigs, the photos, the ancestors’ stuff, the ‘living room’ (which they told me is the best place in the hse), the furniture, the lifestyle etc…I was really nothing more than a sociologist, perhaps. Interested in their lifestyle, thoughts, ideals etc…but I felt bad that they felt emotional towards me…I cannot augur any emotion in me, not towards my cousins too. My journey to Shantou was very exciting. Ahaha…after I reached the Shanwei bus depot, I was touted by many men, some on motorbikes & others on foot. They asked where I’m going etc…I told them. Immediately one of them told me he can get me to the bus, comfortable etc…private bus somemore. Only $80. (I know it only costs $45). Then he came on his motorbike but I refused…thinking I have to sit on the rickety bike for 3 hrs. He claimed that he’s only sending me to catch the bus. Somehow, with other rough men, they bundled me up the bike, together with many other men pushing me along…I got up, sititng sideways in my denim skirt & big haversack (containing the few kgs of tidbits & 2 pieces of clothing for the night). I sat on it for 15 min…I kept asking him if he’s for real, where he’s bringing me to, knowing that he’s lying etc…then we alighted & he made me climb this little hill…up on to the expressway itself. Well, we stood on the x’way waiting…under the hot sun…waiting…for a passing bus to shantou. I didn’t quite know how the real bus looks like but I was oredi in a ‘fix’. He told me to prepare the $80…but I said I’ll only pay when I’m in the bus. A few buses didn’t stop. Then finally the most dirty looking and rickety bus stopped…he paid the rough guy some $$ & I got up. Meanwhile, he pulled me down, asking me for his $$. I took out a handful of $$, containing only $44 & gave it to him while forcefully making my way up the bus while he was still pulling me down. Then he counted & realized that it was less than what he was supposed to receive. The bus moved off & I saw him running hard after the bus, shouting for his $$. Aha!! No way I’m getting tricked by him k…cheating me of $ & making me wait under the hot sun for passing bus. I was already cheated by this man. Anyway, I immediately confirmed if the bus was going to Shantou. It was a passing bus that goes to many places, Shantou being one of them…& u can drop anywhere u like. I saw many pple alighting on expressways. Strange. The guys in the bus were out of this world…not the common china man…too rough & dirty. Ahah…the guy accompanying the driver ignored all my questions. I still didn’t know where the bus is alighting me in Shantou. Shantou is real big. Anyway, the seats were actually beds, very narrow & double-decked, real dirty & crude. From the outside, it looks worse than a prison. Ahaha…but I never knew I could be on one. I juz sat upright, sideways, behind the driver thru’ out the 2 ½ hr journey. The guy would juz spit out of the window, or splash the tea water on the floor leading to the door. Everything will go there…aiyah, very dirty lah. The ride was very rough…so are the people. I knew everyone was staring at me. Finally, 1 hr to Shantou, this man came to the front & spoke to me in Teochew. He was helpful & asked me where I’m going. I didn’t know where to alight etc…I called 3rd uncle & put him on the line with this man. They arranged to drop me off at the train station & told the driver. THANK GOD!! 17 May 2001, Thursday We had our ‘SEA Games selections’ AGAIN…and I dare say it’s the worst selections I ever had coz we had 7 races in one afternoon from 1:30 p.m. to 5:30 p.m. Back to back (one immediately after another; no rest) races in 10-15 kts wind, half-mast waves…by the 6th & 7th races, I was pooped & fell in several times. I had done well in the first 4 races, finishing juz less than 10m after Meng in the first few races. I didn’t expect to have so many races so I worked my heart out in the first few…and got too tired by the 5th race. Andrew sat out the 6th & 7th races & QH took over his board. And the best part is, the race course was HUGE…Olympic size…we couldn’t see the buoys from anywhere except nearing the mark itself. Not to mention trying to spot the Upwind mark at the Start line. It was a trying day for me…we also had land trg at 6:30 a.m. yesterday as well, doing 3 sets of pumping, sit-ups/back extension & frog jumps. We rested in the morning…in fact, lying in bed till lunch-time. Got down to beach at 12+ p.m. & back in hotel at 6 p.m. Ching decided to sleep at 8:10 p.m. while I was trying to get out of reality (ouch!) by watching Doraemon. I followed suit & woke up only at 7 a.m. QH gave us a break for the morning today…yay!!! Even now, we r still lying/sitting in bed, our backs too sore to enable us to move around much. I’ve had a cup of coffee, some biscuits & drinking cereal now…oh, and having my facial mask on. Hehe… 22 May 2001, Tuesday 13 days away from being home-sweet-home again. What a wait…3 of us are counting down day by day…missing home & talking about what we want to do when we are home. We were in Guangzhou the last 2 days, staying one night at the airport hotel (bagus!!!), giving us an excellent excuse to take a break while sending our pals off. We really pampered ourselves coz it cost us $438 a night & we took 2 rooms. We are spoilt now…returning ‘home’ to our crappy hotel took some getting-used-to. Ahaha… Shopping in Guangzhou was quite alritez…I thought I would not need to spend much here…true but not in GZ. Hence I borrowed money from Jon for shopping & we call him Ah Long ‘Seng’ now (coz his surname is Seng). Ahahaha…so many stuff to buy & feeling so happy. I bought myself a pair of Teva sandals, a pair of Merrell trekking shoes , VCDs (Driven; Enemy at the Gates, Lao Fu Zi & Pay It Forward) & 2 Giordano tops. I also bought a pink Minnie Mouse air sofa for Ruth & Joan (my lovely nieces). Ahahaha…I’m sooooooooo happy with my best-buys…hehehe…& secretly proud of myself for getting them at such bargains & yet, they are genuine stuff. I was intrigued by the 45 degrees print on the Merrell shoes (my boyfriend’s sail no. is 45) which thoroughly matches my 37 degrees board shorts. We went for non-Chinese food while we were there…ate Mac’s & Pizza Hut. Ordered pizzas & spaghetti, chocolate drinks, Cappucino etc…wonderful!! Makes all the suffering more worthwhile after all. On our return journey back ‘home’, we endured a 4-5 hrs long bumpy bus ride with a flood jam towards the end. It was spectacular & I was so engrossed I forgot to take pictures. The flood was a sight, as we saw china-men cycling in knee-high floods, with one hand holding an umbrella (it was raining). These people are very fit indeed! Ahaha…moreover, my coach-mate was not the more considerate sort of girl. She would jab me in my side everytime she reaches into her bag for more melon seeds. And when she talks on her mobile phone, I would instinctively veer away from her as she’s practically SHOUTING into the phone. At times, she would take out her bracelet and start thumbing on the beads. Yes, she must be a Buddhist. And she must have been worshipping the ‘karate’ Buddha-of-Fury or she wouldn’t have known how to jab coach-mates in their sides. After some time, I would lean away from her as her legs begin to widen and her arms start to open up…I figured she could be feeling warm and hence, airing her underarms. *evil grin* J Btw, 3 of us were seated on the first front seats. We were also entertained to Chinese Karaoke. I had a double bonus treat!! My coach-mate was singing along to the Father-Mother songs. They love songs with father, mother, nature themes. Titles range from ‘My mother’s sheep-skin coat’, ‘The Mongolians’ to ‘My most wonderful Father’. My coach-mate apparently is an ‘IN’ girl as she knows all the songs and I could hear the audible singing from my left. Scenes always include the sky, sea, buffaloes, naked young boys splashing in the rivers, Sheep, Mongolians and family scenes. If not for the spectacular flood, I would have been bored from the Karaoke songs & my coach-mate.

CHINA TRAINING 15 APRIL ¨C 5 JUNE Monday, April 15 2001: QH found a hotel for us...already one of the better budgeted ones but still crappy. Let's mention that there's no use for the phone since we can't call out or use it for the internet, there's no cleaning services at all since we paid at a 'discounted' rate. Then, the TV is blur, no kettle etc...some of the plugs don't work so i can't boil water initially. I resorted to buying a scrub and scrubbing clean the bathroom...and tried clearing the remnants (cigarette butts, stuck hair, dirt etc) of the previous guest. It proved to be futile so we bought cheap slippers to wear in the room. We went out this morning and came back with pails for every room, washing powder, clothes hangers, china slippers etc...I spent all my free time cleaning the room and arranging/airing furniture. I feel like I'm a chambermaid now. But crappy hotels do have its positives...they let us leave our equipment at the entrance and we rigged up at the hotel compound this morning. Then we carried the sail/board and walked about 200m to the training site, having to watch out for 'horny' vehicles along the way. It was quite exciting. I never tried walking so far with my board & sail b4 in typical china traffic... Monday Afternoon: We set sail this afternoon after settling many matters in the morn...we were about the only ones out on water today. All the other elite sailors were resting and engaged in land training later since the wind was considered 'too light'. We sailed with several Shandong Junior sailors, very young kids...it was about 5-7 knots and the waves were already knee high and more. At times, I could only see Andrew's mop of hair...My first upwind was a mess because I can't quite point with such big waves. You also do not want to fall into water since the no. of jellyfish there is, trust me, much more than what Penang has to offer. They are also HUGE jellyfish which you don't want to mess with. Downwind legs are really thrilling as the rollers can get very high and sometimes nothing at all. When the wind is about 20-30+ knots, the sailors say the waves are more than mast high...and very cold. Yup, the water is cold...about 17 degrees i think. I can't wait to try the more-than-mast-high waves & 30 over knots wind... The China Olympics is postponed to 21 April. Guess what? Chujun and the rest who were training on shortboard have all switched to Formula racing. They are into NP sails and Starboard. Wow!! What are we waiting for...Oh yes, when we came back to shore, the sailors were all into their land training. Wow...As usual, i felt that we looked like blobs of walking fat when i saw their lean, muscled bodies. In fact, andrew was rite when he said we look more like coaches since we r 'fat'. ahaha...The girls were using weights which our strongest guys used and their guys were using weights which our strongest guys never used before. I think QH is being ambitious when he said we can share their weights etc...they are simply of weight-lifting standards. We are set to start on the 'pumping machine' tomorrow at 6:30 a.m. :) Tuesday 16 April 2001: We had our first proper training today. 3 parts to our training today. we started at 6:30 a.m. & found the whole place infested with sailors running. we did a 3-4 km run for warm-up and proceeded to do 3 sets x 3 min of pumping on the pumping machine. wow...my first time and it was a good trial. There, QH pointed out our mistakes & etc...i FINALLY totally understood it. we intend to go back s'pore & get some welder to craft it out...it really helps a lot. then we proceeded to breakfast at 7+ a.m. we rested for an hr b4 we r out at 9 a.m. for part 2. we ran again for warm up...the same distance. then we did 4 sets of painful ex. 1) the hanging grip 4 x 2 min. all 3 of us drop down from the thick, rusty bar abt the same no. of times. very tough. ahahaha...the chinese sailors really hv forearms as big as my biceps. 2) squats 4 x 50 reps. 3) 4 x 3 min of pumping on the machine. it was very tiring. we went for lunch. rested for a while and at 12+ p.m., rigged up and went out to sea. My upwind & downwind improved by leaps & bounds indeed coz i now got my pumping technique correct after trying it out so intensively on the pumping machine. soon, abt 40 over sailors joined us so now, it's like a mini china open. 20 April 2001, Friday For some reason, I juz could not use the GRIC in shanwei. QH asked one of his zhejiang gals to bring me to the Internet caf¨¦ in a town nearby. So I resorted to saving all my emails in a disk & copy/paste on the emails to send out. So, I¡¯ll be saving all my emails in Word doc & pasting on emails. Sorry the emails I sent were all messy & everything. We went there abt 9 p.m. & the shop was closing at 10 p.m. Plus, I didn¡¯t want to go back too late as I was alone. I asked Weiyuan (the ZJ gal to go back first coz their bed-time is 9:30 p.m.). I was done at 10 odd and caught a ¡®beep beep¡¯ motorbike only abt 10 min later & it was almost a ghost town. Then I saw a ¡®beep beep¡¯ (the local small motor ¡®taxi¡¯) but he initially didn¡¯t want to take me as he was sending 2 of his children home. But I was desperate and it was pitch black liao¡­hehe, he took me & I sat beside his kid and the other younger one was under my feet. Ahahaha¡­it was really funny!! I put my arm across the kid beside me as he looked like he was flying off already. I felt worried for him. Only abt 1 year plus¡­and the bike ride was rough. I tipped the driver oso. I felt exceptionally grateful when I reached our hotel; I looked around at the quiet dark streets and imagined some Chinese pontianaks jumping out from the bushes; some mad men looking for rape victims or wild dogs devouring me for supper. Ahaha¡­Nah, I wasn¡¯t scared lah¡­juz can¡¯t help keeping my imagination from running wild. I muz tell myself NOT to think too much; my classic flaw. We are done with Part 1 trg 2day and we are pardoned from the Part 2 as there is no wind. Hot air is building up & unlike S¡¯pore, the weather works differently. We did our warm-up run and then 3 sets of 3 min pumping. I was punctured right from Set 1; simply too worn out from y¡¯day¡¯s long training. This morning, Andrew went ¡°GOOD!!! No wind¡­aching sia!!¡± I¡¯m glad I¡¯m not the only one¡­but they were not as bad as me on the pumping machine. QH said we had persevered for quite some days already so we deserve the rest this morning. We¡¯ll sail only this afternoon. You don¡¯t know how RELIEVED I am¡­I had my DIY facial mask on now, might as well, I saw 2 pimples threatening to manifest on my face. Finally, I have time to sit down and have coffee. This is my first cup of coffee since I reached here as we always have 3 trgs a day. Phew!! ³ÔÁË¿àÖп࣬·½ÉÏÁ콱̨¡£ 27 April 2001, Friday San San has just won the China Olympics Selections. She crossed the finish line about 15 min ago at 4+ p.m. 27 April. I was on the boat watching the races. She was phenomenal!! I have definitely found my favourite sailor and ¡®idol¡¯ now¡­no doubt about it. Ahhaa¡­she beat Huang Ying to it and I can¡¯t wait to know the final results in October. That will be really exciting. 2 months and 16 days into my full-time training since 8 Feb, I think I¡¯ve changed a great deal as a sailor. We¡¯ve had winds ranging from Force 1 to Force 5, flat water to waves as big as ¾ mast high since we came. It¡¯s really exciting¡­I¡¯ve not seen anything like this. San San is superb in strong strong winds and she¡¯s really pulled back into fifth gear in today¡¯s 3rd race (1st) after getting 5th in the first 2 races today. She was lagging behind Huang Ying by one point with a last race to go¡­She¡¯s definitely won it and delivered yet again. Watching it was inspiring and energizing while the men¡¯s races were superhuman. They raced like there was no tomorrow! Ahaha¡­The wind ranged from 8-12 knots, measured by your SWF wind gauge. Yesterday we¡¯ve had winds 18-22 kts in the 3rd race and lighter winds in the first 2 races. The sailors can rest now¡­finally! It was as competitive as the Olympics, changing leaders every single day in every race. QH made me so tired yesterday¡­I was aching so badly and so tired that I slept from 8:30 p.m. till 7 a.m. this morning. Guess wat?? QH fell sick today¡­he¡¯s paralysed in bed the whole day today while we were on the Zhejiang boat watching the last races. He had apparently caught a cold when he went out on Andrew¡¯s equipment y¡¯day in the Force 5 winds¡­hehe, I told Zhou Zihou & Shi Dong that we made him so angry he fell sick. Hehe¡­these 2 Hainan coaches are the funniest characters I¡¯ve seen here. They would always survive mast-high waves in their tiny rubber dinghy. They¡¯re the best! Ahaha¡­the Zhejiang coach would also like to speed on his old, tattered powerboat and shooting right up to shore with a swoosh! Ahaha¡­ Was pooped out y¡¯day. Never felt so tired in my life, not even during Singapore Open, not on my normal trgs¡­slept at 8:30 p.m. till 7 a.m. this morning. Totally aching and in pain¡­every inch of my body cries out in protest and suffering. It has been blowing the last few days we¡¯ve been sent out to the slaugher. Yesterday we skipped the 6:30 a.m. trg coz QH wanted us to reserve energy for the 9 a.m. & afternoon trg. And I thought he was being merciful¡­yikes!! We sailed in 13-15 kts wind from 9:00 a.m. till 12:30 p.m. The waves were big, already about half-3/4 mast high (1.5 metres) in this considerably light wind condition. Hence, it was tiring having to control and fly through waves etc¡­and I finally discovered what is ¡®planing¡¯. I¡¯m definitely planning faster than ever¡­discovering a grace I never felt b4. The feeling is so amazingly fulfilling. Planing has never felt so streamlined, beautiful¡­riding waves has never been so thrilling and fun¡­ I must have eaten 5-6 bowls of rice during lunch¡­NO JOKE¡­I really ate so much! Then after we went back to the hotel, I juz can¡¯t help but fall asleep, even if it was for half an hour b4 I went out again at 3 p.m. This time, I dragged myself to the beach. Whitecaps everywhere and I was cold from the cold wind blowing right into my nostrils. My wetsuit did not feel thick enough¡­it was blowing Force 5¡­18-22 kts wif nice big waves. I was still VERY VERY tired¡­I was numb to the point that I didn¡¯t have the strength to tell Coach if I can skip the afternoon. Sighz¡­but I started laughing when I couldn¡¯t push in my batten coz I started trembling in fatigue. Ahaha¡­he helped me rig up and there I went¡­into the torture chambers. I didn¡¯t get slammed and I did enjoy flying thru¡¯ the waves and planning at high speeds on the reach¡­upwind was painful as I¡¯m juz not so adept at it yet. I hope VERY SOON, I can sail in winds up to 30 kts in ease. If Huang Ying & Masako can do it, why not me? Today QH let us rest for the morning. Juz came back from tim-sum breakfast. I¡¯m too tired to do anything anyway¡­juz feel like sleeping thru¡¯¡­I dunno if I can tahan the afternoon session. Actually, I really quite miss home. It¡¯s my 13th day here and I cannot quite imagine another 37 days here, knowing trg load will intensify daily. I don¡¯t want to think abt the pain and fear, gotta take one day as it comes!! Fear will drive out all my energy. Our return flight is on 5 June. And we are not done with April yet, oh man¡­help!! Li Ke (QH¡¯s wife, also ex Asian Games champ & 4th in 1996 Olympics) said a good athlete will do more than what the Coach set out¡­but I can¡¯t even say I can cruise thru¡¯ what was planned out, how can I do more¡­ Well, now that I¡¯ve been thru¡¯ this, there¡¯s nothing else I cannot endure! Really¡­I can tahan all the ¡®ku¡¯ anyone can throw my way. It¡¯s 9: 12 a.m. now¡­so tired¡­gonna sleep again! All the daily trgs in S¡¯pore (while I was full-time) added together are still not enough to tire me as the trgs here could for one day. Saturday, 28 April Ker wan has been playing golf over the weekends at Shanghai while he was here for work. I was jealous. Ahaha¡­.China tv here is showing lotsa Beijing 2008 Olympics¡­wow¡­they are really serious about it and I¡¯m already feeling inspired. I spent the aftn today in Huang Ying¡¯s room. She was the 1998 Asian Games medallist (lost to san san) plus Huang Ying was telling me about her races wif san san and when I hear the same story from diff sailors, I tend to learn a lot. But I¡¯ll always ask QH to comment on anything I learn as I don¡¯t want to contradict his teaching. Even Li Ke¡¯s comments are good. However I¡¯m not confident of the fotos I took out at sea as the boat shakes A LOT¡­coz of the big waves¡­I bet most of them would be blur¡­can¡¯t help it. But I hope some of them will turn out nice nonetheless. Now that we¡¯ve rested for 2 days in a row, I hope we¡¯ll train tomorrow actually. With every new thing I learn everyday, I can¡¯t wait to go out to sea to practise or to manifest in spirit during land training. I also hope to challenge my endurance & determination everyday in training; be it in pushing through higher limits or doing an extra rep or doing the last rep stronger than b4. I told Li Ke that at this moment, we can¡¯t dream of doing 6 sets when coach orders 4 sets coz I would be struggling with the 4th set. Ahaha..but I said I¡¯ll try when I¡¯ve reached a comfortable fitness level. Ahaha¡­but most importantly, I¡¯m learning the athlete¡¯s attitude¡­which is to really be mechanic about training and do w/o complaints, to push through despite feeling that I¡¯m about to die. 30 April, Monday It¡¯s 11 a.m. now & Juz done with Parts 1 & 2 of trg 2day. Oh man¡­it¡¯s painful! For the early morning ex, I went thru¡¯ it still feeling the hangover fr last nite¡¯s drinking. Last night, I struggled back to hotel & puked my entire dinner out in the toilet. They juz like to ¡®gan bei¡¯ everything & I had kenna a few drinks incl one cup of red wine concoction which was lighter than the normal beer. So I was KO last nite but woken up by the darn mosquitoes several times. Oh yes, it was in the midst of drinking that I called home to say ¡®hi¡¯. J For part 2 trg, I saw the entire comet family, incl the many stars, sun & moon. Ahaha¡­we had 3 days¡¯ rest & now we are paying for it. We did 4 sets at the 9 a.m. part 2 trg of 3 ex, not incl a warm-up run, (many times) sprints while weaving in/out of unruly traffic & minimizing inhalation of carbon monoxide. Then we had the pumping ex, abs & frog jump. I even conversed with the stars, counting how many there were in broad daylight. Many times I juz want to crumble onto the grass but get scolded by QH to stand up. I oso ate lotsa tidbits so I¡¯m paying for it now. There¡¯s not much wind now but I figure we¡¯ll definitely go out & do a few hrs of hard pumping. It seems that we are forever struggling with each day¡¯s trg coz I realized that QH is adding an extra set to each day¡¯s program, hence pushing us. I think to be positive, my fitness is definitely improving coz I can do every ex properly, reducing rest time & doing each ex harder. QH is out to make us so fatigued that when we rest b4 a race, we can spring to a higher dimension of fitness. I was juz commenting to QH that zhejiang girls¡¯ forearms r very big; I think same size as Andrew¡¯s¡­juz look very thick. All of them are about 60+ kgs, tall oso. This morning, we saw them do 100 pull-ups¡­they can do as many sets as they want as long as they finish 100 reps. Wow¡­power! We still hv not kenna 100 pull-ups in our trg YET. Oh, this morn, QH was saying he muz train our tummies till ¡®mei mei¡¯, meaning lean & only abs, not blobs of fat. Ahaha¡­I was very happy to hear that. Coz all his athletes got nice 8 abs (guys). I think he¡¯s very determined¡­ I¡¯m feeling excited about training¡­coz the race is over & we can now focus on training, training, training¡­moreover, I went to Shanwei town y¡¯day. Bought a lot of tidbits for relatives as well as other stuff. Plus, I bought a regular XIAO DING DANG soft-toy for only RMB35. I¡¯m SO HAPPY to have xiao ding dang sleeping wif me every nite. Hehe¡­in Cantonese, he¡¯s called xiao ding dong! Hehe, like a mad guy. He¡¯s so fat & cute!! & he can fly when he puts up his aero-wings on his head!! It¡¯s 1 p.m. now¡­juz back from lunch. QH was saying that his hope is for me to get the breakthru¡¯, to get the GOLD¡­and for the boys to come back wif medals. They¡¯re too distant from the Thais & Indo guys¡­hence can only hope for a medal. QH urged me to have the confidence that I can get the gold as light wind conditions certainly favours me, my weight & height etc¡­ I¡¯m so excited!!!! I¡¯m growing to love training & pushing, knowing that EVERYDAY, I¡¯m pushing myself to a higher dimension; bettering myself; strengthening my character; trusting in God a little more & feeling His tangible grace day by day. I certainly miss church a great deal¡­I certainly miss the wonderful presence of God which I cannot get in such intensity here tho¡¯ I do have it when I worship Him. I¡¯m beginning to understand wat San San said abt me beginning to start LIVING when I start pro windsurfing. Coz all the time, we r pushing thru¡¯ limits & climbing to higher ones¡­it¡¯s up to me how much I want to suffer now & reap the rewards later. It¡¯s satisfying knowing that I¡¯m fully responsible for my own results, yet at the same time, scary. A good sailor will not give excuses for poor performance. If he didn¡¯t train hard, he won¡¯t get good results. Oh, did I tell u wat San San said to me juz b4 she left¡­On the prize-giving night, san san came up to me & talked to me¡­wow!!! Guess what she told me?? She told me to email her the SEA Games results & she says that she knows I can do it¡­get the gold & let her know I did it. I laughed in amazement at what she was saying & she juz nodded her head & said ¡®yes, I know u can¡­¡¯ & ¡®I saw u running hard that day¡¯ & then shook my hand. U can¡¯t imagine the encouragement I felt from that few sentences. Enough to pull me through the toughest times!! She¡¯s trained harder than anyone else to get the results she deserved!