I forgot this webby is primarily on windsurfing trainings...I'm so tempted to pen just spontaneous thoughts than note down technical details of every race. We did not have water training on Saturday as there was 0 wind. We had our surprise physical fitness test instead, which I felt, was simply no better than a normal day's training. We were tested on 6 events and my results are as below: 1) Pull-ups (max no. possible) = 4 2) Sit-ups (max no. possible in 2 mins flat) = 73 3) Back Extension (max no. possible in 2 mins flat) = 95 4) Bench Pull (Max weight, 1 rep) = 40 kg 5) Bench Pull (20 kgs, max reps possible, no time restriction) = 39 6) 5.3 km run (fastest timing possible) = 30.16 min Ok...my run is the worst event of all...in the team as well. That goes to show why there r much fats on my body and how much time I have on my hands to run...I tend to lose out to my buddy on events that require time to train or practice technique, in particular (5) & (6). I won the 4 other items hands down. We did the run on Sunday morning, followed by 3 hrs of water-training. The aches have not spared me even as I'm sitting here comfortably. From the physical fitness test results, I'm fully convinced that my 'smart' trainings have shown results. I hope this does not sound boastful as I really am not intending it to be so. An athlete who has limited time and energy, with a full-time job has no other option but to devise smart training methods as well as to know opponents' weakneseses. For me, it's easy because I have only one opponent in theory. I had noted down my variables which can be improved with time and constants which cannot be changed (e.g. personality or ingrained weaknesses). I had focused on those variables and improved on them and trusted in God for the constants to change me inside out. Both had worked. Worse thing was, I had gone thru' this test at one of my lowest fitness seasons, not to mention the rough day at work on Friday. I know I could have a lot better, esp the pull-ups & the run. Water-training: 4-6 knots; easterly strong current; easterly wind; cloudy Race 1: I had fought for an ok start, front-line getting clear wind, ok pumping speed. The shorter the start line, the less it matters whether you start at boat-end or port end. Just aim for clear wind and be on front line. I charged out, pumped real hard only to have Jon tack right in front of me. I shouted starboard but he stayed put, saying he doesn't know the race started. Ok...tough luck on me...I tried my best not to fall, jammed my board into his feet (ouch! I couldn't help it...), quickly tacked, and tried to gain lost grounds. I lost much grounds in this collision. Jon & I were the last of the fleet to untangle and chase the rest. I played the middle ground, felt out wind shifts, focused on my boardspeed and reached the upwind mark at a decent position. Many had played extremes and suffered. The wind is very shifty and that is a no-no, as much as the gains can be big, the losses can choke u too. In a race, consistency is the key! My downwind speed and pumping was decent too...I pumped hard, rode on the waves and I beat my buddy half a leg. When the wind is shifty, it's as important to gybe in the downwind as you don't want to be in a lifter. You want to be in a header as it will bring you closer to the mark. I definitely do not have the better sailing fitness so I just tried my best to play smart. Race 2: Same conditions...My BEST race in a few weeks. Good start and clear wind, I played out wind shifts and the test of a sailor's tactics is at the last tack to upwind mark. My buddy was actually ahead of me though at a bigger angle but further ahead. I figured the strong current will push me to the mark fast so I underlayed A LOT. I jammed straight to the mark & i even had to bear down a little. Then I knew that I could have underlayed 10 degrees more. Argghhh! But by then, my buddy who has devised a beautiful rhumb line to the mark had overlayed TOO MUCH coz the current pushed her down even much more. I was the 3rd sailor in the fleet of 9-10 sailors to round the upwind buoy. I continued my downwind mission with much gusto which could not outdo the boys. I lost out 2 positions to finish 5th overall. Not too bad...when usually I would fight super hard to get a good bottom position among the boys. ahaha... Race 3: Wind is more shifty and current is stronger than in previous races. We had at least 4 General Recalls and it was tiring waiting, looking, standing there, pumping across the line only to return to start all over again. Everyone was just drifting uncontrollably over the start line and I grazed my board against the Bedok beacon a couple of times. In addition, I had a terrible start and it spoiled my momentum throughout the rest of the race. I caught all the wrong shifts and ended up in headers most of the time. i was getting tired and did not bother to chase up. I gave up the whole race. Race 4: Same as above. Start was bad considering the super short start line and strong current. The fatigue had taken its toll on me and I was just waiting to go back to shore. This should not be the attitude of a good sailor, I must say. Everyone was tired and only Andrew was pumping. The rest were deadened, only I was more deadended I suppose. We didn't cross the finish line and headed straight to shore. I 'finished' beside my buddy who also, like all of us, sailed back to the club, which is a long long way away. How I looked longingly at the powerboat and wished I can be on it. Then it as home sweet home to my 24 inch pooh-pooh...not to mention a pooh cushy given to me by a Hot Chick. aha!

Today's ST...great news!!! Check out the fact that Sailing is the only sport that PM Goh gave his charge of winning a medal at 2008 Olympics. SAILING Banker Low will be 'fully at sea' soon By Marc Lim Sailing body chief to boost the sport after retirement LOW Teo Ping, president of SingaporeSailing, will be retiring from his job as managing director with Swiss bank UBS AG at the end of the month. Although there are many who expect the 55-year-old to ease into the quiet life of retirement, he insists that although he will be retiring from his bank job, he is far from retiring from sports. 'This is my third attempt at retirement and I am glad to say that I am finally successful,' said Low, who has been working in the banking industry for over 30 years. 'It will give me a chance to be led by my heart and not by my head. This will be an opportune time for me to pursue my other interests outside of the banking arena.' Low, who was appointed SingaporeSailing's president last June, will then be able to devote more time to sailing, as well as his other responsibilities. SingaporeSailing will take up to five days of the week, more than double of the time he puts in now. He is also a board member of the Singapore Sports Council, an executive council member of the International Sailing Federation and vice-president of the Automobile Association of Singapore. The extra time that Low has will allow him to guide SingaporeSailing to the next level in its bid to accomplishing its goals, one of which is to win a medal at the 2008 Olympics. And he wants to do it in the best way he knows how. 'SingaporeSailing needs to be very professional and business-like if we want to do well, so I plan to run it the way same I ran the bank,' said Low. 'We will continue to do our business as usual, competing at the highest standards in our region, but we will also embark on some R&D, which if successful, will bring us medals in the 2008 Olympics.' One way Low aims to increase the Republic's chances of an Olympic medal in sailing is to expand the broadbase development of sailors by working closely with the schools and sailing clubs and ensuring that there is continuity among the sailors. The adoption-and-linkage scheme is a programme SingaporeSailing has put in place to help tap the large group of sailors at the Optimist level, which average about 100 to 150 boats. Sailors can sail only in the optimist fleet from the age of seven to 15. With the aid of the adoption-and-linkage scheme, these sailors will either be linked to different classes of boats because of interest or other classes can talent-spot these sailors and adopt them. Other ways that Low intends to professionalise SingaporeSailing is by appointing a CEO to oversee the organisation and help strategise its efforts of achieving its goals. He also plans to implement a bonus scheme to spur the athletes and coaches to greater heights, much like that in a corporation. Likening SingaporeSailing to a pre-IPO company, he estimates that it will take about two years for the organisation to be in full gear. Till then it will be business as usual. Bigger and better A 69 per cent increase in participation, based on registration for next year's National Schools' Sailing Championships. The setting up of two additional fleets, bringing the total to seven, to ensure continuity and transition (in accordance with the adoption-and-linkage scheme).

An article that was among my emails. A good, motivating read. Choose Attitude! While I was out training last week with the famous Surfers Paradise Triathlon Club lead by the great Jenny Alcorn (World Champion Duathlete 1992), the thought came to me to write this article on an issue that may ruffle some feathers amongst our readers! As an age group athlete (and my age group just went up!), and someone who is now reasonably content to train for fun and fitness with a more mature outlook on sport (still competitive but not compulsive, wise enough to know when to stop, when to rest and when to sleep in - all the things that I did not do in my sporting infancy), I have observed attitude in athletes. Attitude is that steely determination, that terrier quality, the tenacity to continue through think and thin which sets some athletes apart from others. I have also observed the athlete who cuts corners, takes the short route, needs constant pushing from the coach or others, complains all the time, or always has an excuse for the underperformance. I have seen some of the most gifted athletes very short on attitude. They never make it very far in their sport. Some of the best athletes have fewer gifts and more attitude. It is my belief that even if you are the most gifted athlete in the world, without attitude, your gift will amount to very little. The big question then becomes, how do we get attitude if we do not have it? First, we have to want to get an attitude - badly - enough to upset a few of your friends and family, who will be disturbed by the change in you. Then you have to get out of bed, make your bed, clean up your life, do what you say you will do, and drop all words and thoughts of can't, won't and don't want to from your vocabulary, and in all areas of your life. Low attitude is a kind of general malaise - it spreads through us like a cancer to our home, work, thoughts about ourselves, and our sporting activities. One of the biggest myths espoused today is life should be this wonderful comfortable place where everything is perfect and we never have to do anything that makes us feel uncomfortable, or that we do not like. I have noticed this is my 10-year-old daughter. Our greatest growth often comes from the areas that we are most uncomfortable in. I contend, why not embrace the discomfort, because if we try to avoid it, one way or another, it will come to us. (Have you noticed this? Life happens.) People who achieve great things are renowned for having given up much on their path to greatness. Susie O'Neill and other professional swimmers (to name a specific group), have given up sleeping in, going out late (past 8 p.m.), eating whatever they like, and partying with friends for years and years. Growing strong muscles requires working hard weights - and that hurts! There are no short cuts. Attitude means that you will push through the training threshold, you will do the last set, you will choose to eat less junk food and get to bed early. Choose attitude, lots of it and be proud of it. Yes, it will get up someone's nose. Not everyone will like you for it. What really matters is that you like you for it, and like who you become and what you do because of it. This is attitude for your life versus attitude just because.

Smiley Flower...how it brightens up the Remains of the Day for me. Indeed, the remains of the day are the most beautiful. I had juz received a funky flower from my closest gal buddy, actually a stuffed toy flower with a very smiley face. It's so adorable and brightening, I can't help forgetting how horrible a day it has been till the flower arrived via super express courier. *Touched* The day had begun horribly for me with the 'No train services between Boon Lay and Clementi' sign taking dominion of my life. I was suddenly thrown into disarray and disorganization. I know not how else I can get to work apart from using the trains considering the long distance involved. Hence, in short, I travelled 2 long hrs (I'm still in Singapore, mind you!) to nowhere and finally reaching my office 1 hour late. My mood can't be worse. When thousands of commuters in human-infested Jurong area are stranded from the train services, guess what happens to the cab & bus services? That aside, I finally ran out of luck with wearing my all-too-obvious beach slippers in the office. I had my HR DIRECTOR warn me as gently as she can on NOT wearing slippers to work. I felt like protesting but refrained from fighting a losing battle, lost battle rather. I was only on my way to seeing the lawyers about some Broadcast rights issues. She could have conveniently sued me with her lawyers there and then. aha! Ok, I'll dress up tomorrow, I promise myself. I've also been feeling weak this whole week, spiritually, mentally & physically. It happens when I'm not soaked in the presence of God on Sundays. The difference is so tremendous that I cannot begin to explain. It does so much for u. I was at the gym again today during lunch feeling feeble and unmotivated. I juz forced myself to do some forearm, abs, triceps, calf and ankle exercises. It's amazing how work can sometimes take out the sensitivity in a person. Sometimes, I lose touch with myself when I'm buried with and under work. I don't know what to write in this journal. I cannot feel pain, love, awe and even hurt. Work sometimes numbs you. I guess that is why companies came up with this Leave system where you go away about 14 days a year on paid leave, you pay for a trip in an attempt to find yourself back, put your soul and spirit back into your physical shell, feel the pain, love, awe and hurt all over again...come back into the office and the next cycle begins. It reminds me of this process of toxification and detoxification. Sometimes the damage is so deep that the remains of the day (or is it night) becomes literally, remains. They are like ashes, proof of our mourning to the loss of our individual freedom. We literally give of our lives to the companies we work for. We subject ourselves to rules and more rules, hierarchy, instructions. Dimensions which were originally intended to stretch our potential now most limit us. Whatever you do, define your own dimensions within the confines of law, justice and love. Sounds paradoxical? Grace does not liberate you to do as you please. Grace liberates you to do BECAUSE you know God loves you. Grace is the most liberating DIMENSION of Love and freedom.

Heaven & Clothes...I did not see 'Earth' this morning. My wardrobe had collapsed, not for the first time actually. Things that I had a part in assembly usually do not stay assembled for very long. I'm never good in technical things, none the least paranoid though it gives me lots of shivers. However, I had thrown myself the challenge of putting together my new hi-fi together, just to show myself that I dare challenge my weaknesses. This time, I had to literally, pick up the pieces. Ok, Sunday's training: Wind was blowing SW, between 8-10 knots and current was pretty strong (Southeast direction towards Changi) at about 3 knots. We did a series of about 6 starts which we had to focus on 3 things: i) Timing ii) Pumping Power iii) Position The challenge thrown to us is to achieve all 3 out of which if we failed in one, would have failed in all. Imagine achieving perfect timing and snatched the best position on the line, but lack the pumping power, the sailor is still going to lag behind and face all the dirty wind from the sailors who 'zoomed' off. That was quite a good refresher for me. Next we did 2 mini Sausage races, this time, putting into practice what we learned in the starts. Starts are PARTICULARLY important and crucial for short courses as there is no time and not enough distance to catch up on the fleet. Short courses are too explosive and adrenalin pumping compared to say, marathon courses or long course racing. The comparison can be seen in sprint events where every second and millisecond counts. I did badly for the first race. I lost to my rival. I had gotten a bad start and wound up having problems adjusting to gusts. I even had a collision with Ben who later got knocked down by Chewy. I sorta lost the flow and gave up the whole race. It's often the case with short courses coz it takes more than a miracle to catch up. Every step is crucial and every small mistake is magnified. Second race: I beat my rival. I sensed the wind shift and sailed down to the port end which is biased. Ben, Harold and I got off from the Port end on Starboard but was caught off by Andrew who sneaked off Port-tack at Port end, caught a lifter and reached the upwind mark first. Seeing Andrew catch the lifter, I tacked early and Ben did so later and lost out. I slowed down due to forearm cramps and lamented how I could have done better. Somehow, the boys have no forearm cramp problems. aha. My rival caught up with me very soon and I played wave-riding with her. I gybed much earlier to catch the favoured current to reach the finish line. By then, I had pulled a big gap between us. I did not pump at all coz I was nursing my blisters on my palms. Only 2 things I did on downwind to win: Wave-riding and making use of currents. yay! Then the PERFECT STORM arrived...but George Clooney was nowhere to be found. We had a great de-brief where we discussed and asked many questions. I later sandpapered my board and sent it for re-decking. The selections are coming...my equipment's gotta be tip-top. I will be rigging up my Olympic sail this Sat and prepared to kick some butts. Stay Tuned.

Woke up with an aching body and a wry smile on my face. Secretly happy with life, with the things going the way they are, and the way things will eventually turn out. Give me some time to adjust...I thought...I've been missing the presence of God on Sundays twice in a row since. I'm juz feeling too tired to wake up at 7 a.m., trudge off to church and rush off to the beach. I used to be able to rush here, there and everywhere. Particularly in my undergrad days, schedule was tight and more tight. I lived on an adrenalin rush and a packed schedule, without which energy could not flow. Now...i wish life to be simpler, slower and I long to catch the sunsets. Have I aged? Have I become jaded and seared with life events or is it that I've readjusted my priorities and decided on what is really important and not. I believe in the latter as I know I'm still showing signs of excitement and joy at the simplest things. Read this article in The Sunday Times on Wu Qing Kang, a journalist with LianHeZaobao for more than a decade long. He's published 9 books, travelled to 60 countries, penned many songs, founded the 'xinyao' movement and blah blah...He claims he's a jaded pessimist, not really happy neither is he unhappy. He says that is the trait of a perfectionist. That is absolutely true!!! Perfectionism is the illegitimate son of Success and they never quite celebrate together, even though it could be a good companion on the journey. However, Perfectionism should not be an attitude assumed with pride, as this man has. It portrays a person as having an unsatiable appetite, a high achiever and of amazing intelligence. You almost wonder what exactly drives this person? Yet he said it all....he's not a happy person!! Perfectionism creates a byproduct of unhappiness and a crave for more...and it never ends! This results in an unhealthy taste for success as it is out to prove to people that he is confident, capable and successful. He's doing it to prove himself, in other words, he's doing it for others. He'll never be happy until he does things for himself. I wish for him joy and peace, having the knowing that God loves him, and is perfectly happy with him whether or not he is a success. Nothing is more precious knowing love, joy and peace so intimately, the assurance that the love of God is not directly or even correlated to one's performace, or lack of. His love is a 'despite of' and 'in spite of' giving. I endeavour to crave for success because I want to transcend my limitations, because I want to manifest God's anointing and giftings. I want to give glory to Him for empowering me. I crave for Excellence because that is whom I'm serving. Indeed, I have nothing to prove, no one to impress. I strive into rest...I work hard to be happy, whether or not I've written 9 books, travelled to 60 countries, drive a sportscar or have luncheons with Faye Wong. I pity those who derive pride and confidence in the car they drive, worse still, bought by their rich fathers (& I have many ARROGANT friends like that without which they are empty shells), ladies who derive acceptance and attention from men by the hours spent in front of the mirror dolling their faces. All these are very superficial...and seek to cover their hurts and inadequacies. Underneath, they are desperate to prove something, they are not at peace and they are insecure. People are real and let's shake off all these hypocritical dresses and see people as they are, not what they own.

Saturday's training: We had 5 mini races with varying wind conditions. Wind was blowing SW still and in the first 2 races, wind was light at about 5 -8 knots. In my practice, I realised that the anti-skid on my board was really wearing off. I could not rail my board at a good enough angle to be able to point. I decided to go back to shore to get my booties. I went out again, confident that I should be able to point well again but boy, was I wrong. Sighz, I did really badly in the first 2 races, coming in right at the back with no hope of redemption. Yup, I was really upset!!! Nothing could descibe my disappointment. Gusty light winds where u cannot plane nor maintain a good sheeted in, covered sail. I was constantly moving my body around, searching for a good position to stand, a good position to place my hands and feet. I juz could not find anything. Hence it shifted my focus on tactics to juz my body stance. That should never be the case when you are racing. Every move should be automatic and instinctive so you could devote your 100% attention to your tactics and wind-reading. That is why sailors spend hour after hour on the sea trying to perfect their techniques. I lost to my fellow lady rival in these 2 races for a lack of physical fitness in pumping. I juz could not muster any strength to pump the course. %^^$#@ Where did the benefits of my weekday trainings go to? Thank God the wind slowly picked up to around 12 knots where we were juz about able to plane comfortably on the upwind (but not on downwind unless u pump)...ahahaha...yes! I staged a comeback to win my rival in the next 2 races and occasionally packing myself in the boys pack. As the wind gets stronger, my position is increasingly farther behind the boys. Even though my board speed was relatively good compared to my rival who had a crouched stance, totally not beneficial to board speed. It is all the more important to straighten out your legs on the foot straps, hiking yourself on the harness right on the edge of the board. Straighten your arms and lean as far as you can, absorbing the crashing of the waves with your knees and ankles tt are already strapped to the edge of the board. Rail your board to 30 degrees or so angle so your board can cut the waves. Yes, it hurts your ankles a great deal to be hyperextended at such an abnormal angle. That is why a sailor should include ankle ex daily or frequently. Joints are small, important and yet susceptible to injuries. They are also more likely to be ignored. In the 3rd & 4th races, I made sure I had good board speed to make up for my lack of alertness in my starts. I was almost always late for the starts and not taking transits. I confess! Plus, I did not think a lot about tactics or reading the wind shifts etc...I literally followed coach q and found myself focusing on board speed and maintaining a good body stance. Lack of water time...sighz...If I had enough water time to fine tune my techniques, I will be able to focus on tactics. Reaction to gusts and lulls are a big problem for me. I juz cannot maintain the rail and speed with a gust/lull coming. Several factors r responsible for this. Fitness: If my fitness and strength are tip top, I will be able to maintain my planing stance and be mentally alert enough to feel out for gusts/lulls. Fatigue makes me too tired mentally to feel out esp when I'm abt to crumble under when the lull comes or be catapulted when the gust hits. Water time & experiece: Can increase my reaction time and I should be able to act b4 i react. By the 5th race, somebody not training with the National team was sailing the course with us and knocked me down into the water. He was on starboard and I was on port and I did not give way. Reason being he should not be in our course at all and we are having races. Pissed as I was, I caught up with the remaining of the upwind leg and after the second upwind, I was on par with my rival. I dropped my sail and there goes my win...I was too tired to fight for it. However, I was satisfied, very satisfied. I know how hard I have to work to fight for my SEA Games berth and how far I was from there. It's achievable. I juz lack the physical fitness and sailing fitness that can only come with water time and time spent in physical training. What I can do during lunch-time on weekdays are apparently insufficient. Another note...Life is still not perfect as much as we like it to be. We may truly believe that wonderful people exist and life is full of love and joy. A lot of times, it is not. People are starving in developing countries, women are being raped, children are forced to be slaves, men killed in senseless wars, students engaging in sexual and violent activities in school and outside school. Life is a horrible sight. It boggles me many times how people can get so cruel and illogical, selfish and violent. I refuse to believe it. I wondered about how some of my friends can marry men who show abusive and violent character traits. I get worried for them. What if they get abused later, or slapped or insulted in their friends' presence? I also read about how some men pass on Aids/HIV to their wives from their sexual activities with prostitutes. These, are totally senseless and selfish to the greatest degreee. As much as it is appalling in nature and unbelievable in logic, they are real. It takes the child in us to still believe that life is wonderful coz it really is. Adopt a childlike attitude, not childish....see the newness in old things, the excitement in a daily sunset...we cannot change reality, but we can change the way we SEE reality. Sometimes, people may not believe in you. Other times, some people may think that we won't amount to anything or go anywhere. Jesus died for no fool! Jesus hung on the cross in excruciating pain to redeem champions. Fools say in their hearts 'there is no God'. We overcome the odds not to prove something. I've decided long ago that I have nothing to prove, no one to impress. The overcomer overcomes to better himself and to show others that they are able, if they believe.

I walked past the playground this morning. I noticed a girl, of about 12 yrs old, struggling with her bicycle. I noticed she was struggling to balance the handlebars and barely pedaling. The bike struggled to create a momentum out of nothing as she focused hard on the road ahead, forgetting to pedal. This brought me to remembrance that it's the same with pursuing goals. Focus on the journey, not the destination. Focusing too hard in keeping yourself in the direction of your goals amount to nought if you forget to pedal. If you focus on pedaling hard and well, and occasionally checking your destination, you'll inevitably get there. Focus on the nitty gritties in your journey and you can be sure to have a good result at the end. God can only direct a moving car...keep moving... Went to the gym during lunch...I declared a long lunch for myself. aha! Firstly, TGIF. I did a good 60 reps of barbell for my lower back, pull-ups, 4 painful sets of 30 abs crunches. 30 min of treadmill & 20 min on the stepper. It was good...in the process, I engaged in visualization. I visualized myself windsurfing, sailing a perfect course and overcoming my weaknesses. I visualized myself beating everyone in the race and still coming out strong & fresh. Got a friend's wedding tonite...Goodwood Park Hotel.

Continued from the previous entry. 2) Perfection: It's a bad word. Humans can never achieve perfection lest we are gods. Perfection and its inability to achieve it results in guilt, self-condemnation and pride. It leads to unhealthy obsession and imbalanced definition of success. Excellence is the redemptive sibling to Perfection. Seek to attain excellence and do your best regardless of others' standards/expectations. Excellence means doing your very best in everything that your hands find to do. Excellence means not sparing resources to enable the best quality of work to be done. Excellence recognises human limitations and respects the efforts. Perfection demands more and more...it is unforgiving and uncompassionate. 3) Joy: It is not happiness. Happiness is a sort of shallow joy that is based on happenings that happen to turn out the way you want it to. Happiness is circumstantial but joy is not. Joy sneaks out right from the heart to brighten up the darkness, warm up the cold-hearted and give hope to the hopeless. Joy is confidence in a Good God regardless of bleak situations coz faith gives reason for joy to manifest. The joy of the Lord is my strength. Anything that is circumstantial always tend to waver and is unstable. You have to set your goals on what you believe in and the deep confidence in what you are called for. Joy will enable you to train when there seems there's no reason to. Joy will pull you out of disappointing times when you fail and flounder in races. Joy will catapult you from the pit into the skies. Joy will keep you focused and supply a strength to go towards the goal. 4) Humility: Talent will not, persistence & determination can bring you to success but humility will KEEP you there! The attitude counts equally, if not more, than the elements that bring you success. Most importantly, you do not want to lose your success overnight. You want to keep it and humility will. It encompasses teachability and an open mind. Jessica Crisp once said to me, "Always enjoy windsurfing and you will always improve." That comes from a 2-time PWA champion and 4th in 2000 Sydney Olympics, with more than a decade of professional and world-class experience. She knows what she's talking, I'm pretty sure. What she also means is that we are never good enough to have finished learning. Once that thirst never ends, we'll always improve. Someone who claims he cannot improve is puffed up, thinking he's good enough and it's boring. Robby Naish also said the same thing...that he's still enjoying the sport as he did 24 years ago. New tricks, new equipmemt, new conditions keep him stoked! He's humble enough to respect the ocean and its complexities. 5) Jesus: The most important element...Without Him, I can do NOTHING!!! Without Him, I am Nothing! Off to Bible Sudy...I miss the presence of God terribly...

My brain is saturated! Finally, work has been kinder to me today. Ironically, it leaves me bored, tired and even more lethargic. I received an email from a young 'disciple' who was talking ernestly about her frustrations, anger and confusion. Every word and adjective seems much of what I've gone through, either for positive or negative. I do not think that such questioning and introspective examination is bad, lest it leads to depression and hopelessness. Most times, it was during such moments of introspection that I recover myself, face myself in the nudest form and truthfully forcing myself to accept every wart and all. Over these many years of competition experience, I have this to say: 1) Expectations: They kill you! Yes, they do and not only that, rather ruthlessly. His brother's name is Perfection and they serve the same purpose and come from the same mother. Expectations placed upon oneself can do 2 things. They serve as a sort of Power to cause one to surge forward, and even to exceed beyond one's natural abilities and transcend beyond one's disabilities. The other purpose is that it also creates guilt and condemnation enough to brake one in his tracks. The point is that Expectations itself has great limitations and is self-inhibiting in nature. A person places Expectations on himself to achieve something so as to gain a better result or a trophy, to increase accolades and gain recognition. Most of the time a person thrives and surges forward most positively, attempting to achieve such internal and external rewards. The test comes when trials and failures seep in. Discouragement, disillusionment and dissatisfaction become the all-encompassing feeling. One feels that he cannot match his expectations and hence feels deflated. Sori...i've run out of time to continue this...I'll do it tomorrow. Meanwhile, I've received a Christmas card from a varsity classmate. She's my age, got married after graduation, had a son who's learning to walk now and expecting a girl due next Feb. I almost fainted! Am I late in life? I'm far far away from that stage of domestication. No boyfriend, no husband, no baby, no cries to attend to at night. Am I missing out on something here? Come Friday, I have yet another wedding to attend to. It's my Secondary School classmate. Half of my class girls are married. I've been giving out too many Ang Pows this year...Stop it!!!

Oh my...I'm still in the office yet again, and it's dark and rainy outside. I've been working late here everyday, consistently from the whole of last week and I was hoping it shall not repeat this week. My vampire lifestyle is back. I sneaked off to the gym during lunch-time today, did a good 2 sets of 5 pull-ups, 10 min run on the much-hated treadmill, hamstrings ex, calf ex, ankle ex and of coz, the gruelling abs ex. Ouch! Sunday's training: There was basically no wind! Negative to 0 knots and reasonably strong current. Shifty winds from N to NW. The youths were rigging up their equipment and testing them out afterwards. The others were rigging up what came back from Siam Cup a week ago. Chewy and I decided to do a couple of rounds of torturous pumping. We set off, wind blowing N to NW, heading towards a boat and back. On the way back, the wind shifted and I was caught in a mad whirlwind of lulls. I was moving backwards and sideways. Chewy was pointing up to get wind. I gave up! I felt yucky with myself. I complained to Chewy that my attitude is bad. I don't enjoy the session if it's not fun with such torturous conditions. C'mon, there wasn't anyone else out there! Trainings aren't supposed to be all fun and no pain. That is why training is called training. When conditions get bad, go out there and learn to harness the impossible. When conditions are perfect, enjoy it! A good sailor excels in all conditions, without complaints and murmuring. I determine to be that! First, I need to buy Coach a whip! Second round: Wind shifted to NW and we hit towards Siglap beacon. aha! No wind is my best wind...I kept pumping till I had momentum and when you have momentum, you would suddenly find wind which don't quite exist. They are actually created wind. The current was pushing me down hard and I tried pointing as high as possible. I reached Siglap with ease and we headed back soon. The wind shifted to become a beam reach and a storm pending, we hurriedly pumped back to the club. The eastern side of Changi, PA were already stormy and I knew then that any hope of storm winds is gone. Not when the rain comes b4 the winds. Not satisfied with the meagre amount of training, we went rollerblading. I was satisfied! My room has become a studio of inspiration! I've nailed up 8 8R foto frames of Olympic windsurfers, 2 remaining, scattered neatly all over my room. Just sitting there makes u feel inspired! You end up in this painful dilemma of wanting to go training or sitting there admiring the pix. I chose both! I picked up the dumb-bell, started working out my forearms, biceps; dusted my rubber tubing and started working out those shoulders. Push-ups were also the highlights of the inspired evening. In between huffs and puffs, I would sit there admiring the fotos, soaking in the Olympics spirit and visualizing myself sailing those good races. It felt so good. It feels good when you feel at home with your passion, your heart's desire. It feels good when you know that you are gonna make good decisions and people around you will support you. It feels good when you know that you are taking steps to achieving your goals, and not juz dreaming about it. It feels fantastically good when you know that God loves you, most of all! You love Him the most when He empowers you to do the thing you love the most. Your destiny and calling are tied up intimately with your passion and giftings. God cannot give you a destiny totally irrelevant to your interests and passion. God cannot snatch your dream from you like your childhood neighbour would to your marbles. God will not force food which you hate into your mouth. God CANNOT! He says that He loves you so much that HE would rather go to hell FOR you than to go Heaven without you. How much more...would HE not give you good gifts, good destinies, good callings because He is a good God. I've decided that no matter what happens, whether I lose every race and not achieve my every goal, that I'll still be full of joy. Life is still wonderful. God is still good. The sun still shines every morning and the birds still sing. The flowers still bloom and the rainbow still sneaks out after every drizzle. God is too good to enable little disappointments to dampen my joy and snatch away my zest for life. Jesus is likened to windsurfing. Everyday is a new day. The wind is never the same and the same combination never recurs twice. There is always something new to learn everytime you go out there into the ocean. Each time you learn a new trick, doing a better gybe, out-pointing your sparring buddy, you get super stoked. And the stoke never ever ends! You keep going out to feel more, hear more, see more...of the ocean and yourself. You learn to re-define your horizons everytime; paint your own twilights, sail your own course, harness your own winds with your own strengths. You have to turn the cube around to see the other dimensions and convince yourself that there's more than one dimension. Jesus is all-encompassing! His mercy is new every morning. He loves you a different way everyday, shows you new miracles and blessings everyday. He opens up the flowers when it is of blossoming time. He picks up the sun when it's time for sunrise. He turns the tide around at the appropriate times twice a day. He remembers to send some rain when the fields get dry and farmers worry. He feeds the caterpillars and teaches the mighty ants 'unity'. He flashes a rainbow across the horizons when the drizzle ends. He did not forget to colour the rainbow with 7 gorgeous colours in the correct order! He answers the prayer of a little child who wants a new bicycle. He dries up the tears of a forsaken wife betrayed by an unfaithful husband. He sees every need and answers every prayer b4 you even utter a word. If only you will BELIEVE that He is good!

Wow...it's been almost 4 days since I published something. Anyway, I was supposed to slow down over the weekends. I did! Not the best positive sign on the seas but yup, it was basically windless and non-happening as opposed to the windy hype on a couple of weekdays. SATURDAY: It started off as gusty with patches over the waters, though apparently visible from the dark wrinkles on the surface and lapses of 0 knot wind regularly. We had planned to practise our starts, considering the 4-5 of us making up a good number. We had initially sailed around, following Coach Q, desperately trying to sail at his super high upwind angle and speed. I had fallen victim to a good tip for a wrong time. My harness lines were at 7 fists distance from the boomhead, which Chewy swears by as reasonable for monsoon winds. I've never had my harness brought back so far , only to a max of 5 and a half fists. This explains my frequent catapults and slam-dunks where I'm the object and the ball. It hurts & most of all, you could lose your contact lens in the water as a result of the SUDDEN slam into the water or having suddenly dive into the water in all peculiar patterns in the most awkward instances. However, I was trying out the wrong thing at the wrong time, and could not get my FEELING back on this equipment today. I could not feel the ONE-ness I usually felt with the winds, waves & equipment. I felt totally unaligned with the Centre-of-Effort(COE) because my harness are so far back. In light winds, the COE is far forward and it steadily shifts aft the sail when the wind picks up. Hence I felt the non-alignment. However, it proved the point when I met sudden gusts and felt the harness positions near-perfect, able to feel no pressure on my front arm as well as back-hand. The stronger the wind, the more you have to PUSH the boom on your front-hand. And trust me, even a super strong forearm cannot endure long periods of pushing the boom, manually resisting 25 knots wind. You'll soon find yourself crippling especially at the arms, forearms, shoulders and basically, EVERYWHERE. In fact, 7 fists could be just the minimum guideline, according to Chewy, who's often a better strong wind sailor than me. Generally, as SJ tried so hard to explaiin to me something which I was also trying to explain to him, girls have more problems in strong winds relatively than in light winds. Coz girls lack strength which is so required of in strong winds. To be able to resist suddeng 25-30 knot gusts take a lot out of a sailor, and EVERYTHING out of me. When one is tired from resisting than attacking, this leaves no reserves for the sailor to think tactically. This is why a sailor has to be fit and strong AT ALL TIMES. The fitter a sailor, the more he can keep his focus on tactics and not having to think about how he can last through more pumping. Back to training, the wind didn't show up at the most crucial moments, when the buoys were laid and sailors neatly assembled near the coach boat. Sighz!!! What's new?! We did a windless sausage only to witness a miracle manifested by our Coach Q who weighs 85 kg and yet smoking all of us to a spectacular finish in this 1 knot wind. I'm totally baffled by this man who could do magic...he's easily 10--20 kgs heavier than all the sailors here but not giving mercy when it comes to boardspeed. I figured he had superb control of his board and sail, which is all the more important in no-lightwinds. I started near him, towards the pin-end of the start line which is indeed a good place to start because I had wanted clean air(which I got) coz everyone was crowding near the boat. It does not make sense coz the current was already strongly pushing us down Changi's direction. Starting nearer the pin-end enables me to make use of the current more as well as get the clean air. However, his superb board control just smoked me, and he's not even pumping. Afterwards, we practised a duck gybe plus turning into upwind. I even missed the buoy....not generating enough speed. Coach Q's manouvre was fluid and quick. I shouted to him to do a slow motion again coz I had blinked my eyes. aha!!! Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the 1994 Asian Games Gold medallist!!! I now know why I'm not there yet! ahaha...We went back to shore after we found ourselves mosving backwards and sideways more than forwards. I did 4 sets of pull-ups, 4 reps each set, after much boo-ing from the boys, who of coz easily did 15-20 reps each time. SJ was telling me how weak I am to just do 4 blah blah blah...I got so angry but it did help me finish the set. He did that on purpose. He could do well as a coach than a music teacher, I betcha. I also did a couple of bench pull (standing version) at 20 kgs, 15 reps. I did one for strength endurance, 10 kgs, 60 reps. Some triceps ex and others just to make myself feel like I've done a lot. It was shopping time after that. We had a drink outside for a while, chatting with Haro and Coach KY for a while, and coming up with silly ideas as usual. Then it was off to our favourite Herbal Chicken escapade. Boy, was it crowded...we circled the carpark thrice before getting a space. We ordered a whole Herbal Chicken, Fried Oyster and dumplings. We spent half the evening devouring the chicken, drowned in our own perspiration and happiness. Then it was off to Sim Lim Sq to shop for my notebook. I saw 3! Yup, most of the shops were closed as a result of the time we invested devouring the chicken. I was deciding between buying a new desktop or a notebook. A notebook will come in handy in my travels in future while a desktop will be kind to my pocket. I'll see how. Then we zipped down to IKEA to buy foto-frames for the 8R fotos from the Sydney Olympics. I bought 6 glass frames while Chewy bought 3. I also bought a 4R metal frame. We hunted around for a CD rack and finally we found one really cool one with a cement stone as the base. It could contain 104 cds and it's high, silver-greyish in colour and I didn't have to take long to decide. We bought one each. That, I must say, was my best buy of the night. I placed the silver frame on top of the rack and can't help thinking how matching the colours were, my hi-fi, rack and frame. SUNDAY: I struggled to wake up at 7 a.m. to go to church and failed miserably. My eyes just could not support my heart's desire. ahaha...I went back to sleeping and am now drinking my second cup of coffee. I had slowly overcome my fears of assembling electronic and home decor stuff. My break came when I overcame my fears and paranoia to assemble my hi-fi all by myself. Next, I had fixed the channels on my tv all by myself too. Now, I'm super competent in sawing off battens on my own. aha!!!! The pride of a girl who was innately technically-paranoid! I still display the initial irritation and frustration if I have to fix something, be it on my equipment, home appliances or computer. I simply hate it and am paranoid of it. I would postpone it long enough for my patience to run out b4 I seek help. Anyway, I hope there'll wind today, if not, I'm bringing my running shoes there as a back-up. Stay Tuned!!!