Waterworld Magazine Nov '03 - Windsurfing Windsurfing is not a sport! It is opium, obsession and enslavement to wind and speed. A healthy addiction that marries the soul and ocean to a life sentence, a windsurfer experiences ultimate freedom. An antithesis maybe, but there is something about dancing on the ocean, skipping over waves and heading into the twilight. Some say it’s magic, others say it’s stress-relieving. Yet others claim it builds up muscles. Windsurfing is all of these and much more. It is what you want it to be, what you want to be, and allows you to be what you want to become. It is about being oneself. Many new and radical sports offer adrenalin of all sorts, thrills and spills and fellowship with nature. Windsurfing represents the past, present and future in every way. It was said to be invented in 1968 by Jim Drake (a sailor) and Hoyle Schweitzer (a surfer). They received the very first patent for a sailboard which they named ‘Windsurfer’. Today, windsurfing is a multi-million dollar industry and is featured in the Olympics, Asian Games, Southeast Asian Games and other major continental competition. Windsurfing in Singapore Most of the action takes place in the seafront off the East Coast park, and windsurfers can be found at PA East Coast Sea Sports Club and Pasta Fresca Sea Sports Centre. PA ECSSC boasts of the biggest windsurfing club facility in Singapore, hosting the largest windsurfing membership as well. Organizing races do not come cheap, requiring boats, manpower, tons of logistics, skilled windsurfers and yes, wind. Throw in prizes to enthrall people to race, the cost begins at $10,000 for a simple local race. Several windsurfers are fortunate to be ‘team riders’ for some of the equipment brands, raising the commercial value of gear and publicity competition. Windsurfing is about variety, flexibility and universal. Disciplines include the Formula, slalom, wave, freestyle, Olympic, raceboard, Super X to name a few. Much depends on the local wind and water conditions that determine the type of windsurfing one engages in. In Singapore, local windsurfers do Formula, shortboard, Mistral One Design Olympic class and freestyle. Our waves rarely go higher than a ripple, hence windsurfers are typically bound by the largely-tame conditions. Travelling is a must for the wind/wave-starved windsurfers. Some make annual pilgrimages to popular windy havens like Maui, Bintan, San Francisco, Vietnam, secluded parts of Malaysia such as Jason’s Bay, Kuantan, Penghu island in Taiwan and even Boracay island in Philippines. Women in windsurfing – winners or widows? Too tough, too hot, too dangerous, too scary and too expensive…these are the reasons ladies often use to explain why they should not windsurf and why they should engage in more friendly sports like aerobics, jogging, badminton and tennis. Their reasons are valid as windsurfing in its purity is indeed tough, dangerous, scary, expensive and yes, you come back with a glowing tan. In my full-time windsurfing days and racing experience almost over 10 years, the hardcore women windsurfers are usually winners, not widows. Women windsurfers who are winners in major competitions, such as Olympics, Professional Windsurfing circuit, Asian tour, US/UK tours and Formula circuit are rarely widows. Women windsurfers – read ‘hardcore’, are a rare breed, exclusive only to the hardcore male brood who spend all their time in the water, and the rest of the time also in the water. They understand freedom, fanaticism, adrenalin, athleticism, strength, creativity and technology. They sometimes have no time for shopping and their nails are frequently chipped from tinkling with rough equipment and terrains. Their skin is deeply tanned, they own calluses on their palms and have moisturizers, sun-block lotions and DIY masks as constant companions. Sexy bikini lines decorate their backs and they have more board shorts than evening dresses. Women windsurfers are a capable lot, gutsy, brave and independent beyond the average marking. We know how to enjoy life, race, travel, pursue our dreams and win! Women windsurfers do not survive non-windsurfing partners, as it bears too much on their egos and esteems. They’d rather be windsurfing widows and continue in their search…for wind and waves. More often than not, the male to female ratio can be almost 20:1, leaving the ‘widows’ up for grabs, first-come-first-served basis. As windsurfing is a finesse and tactical sport, few women windsurfers are too-muscular nor tempted to take performance-enhancement drugs. The hardcore women are drawn to the lifestyle, the adrenalin, the dream and the utopia. Same reason the men are drawn to them…few widows remain. Winners galore, on and off the water. Sponsorship is hard to come by…for men and more so for women. With my SEA Games Silver medal success and later on, Asian Windsurfing Tour Ladies Champion titles, Local Overall 2nd Ranking and others, I became the team rider for The Windsurfing Shop, Timex, Oakley, Cobian & Dakine. There are hardly more than 5 ladies who race regularly in Singapore, not least to say that it is common for women windsurfers to find sponsors, as there are just too few around. More often than not, they windsurf recreationally, cruising on the sea, enjoying the sun. Ask them to race and they will say ‘too tough, too difficult, I’m not good enough’. As a result of the few women racers, we race with the men in Open categories, same starts and same course. Usually, I am the only woman windsurfer in the Open fleet. There is just not enough women to form a fleet. Thank God for the strong foundation in my earlier days, I could earn top 3 positions in most, if not all the races, giving me a 2nd position ranking in the Formula Open class for this year. The rest are men. And no, I am not a windsurfing widow…I’ll be marrying a windsurfer 2 months from now. The Road Less Travelled In my full-time windsurfing days a couple of years ago, I lived a dream of windsurfing everyday, travelling and racing. Then it was the 2001 SEA Games and windsurfing has been a regular feature in major games (Olympics, Asian Games and SEA Games). Short of training in Hawaii, we travelled to the most unlikely places to windsurf and race, such as China. I had also raced in Pakistan, Japan, Hong Kong, Malaysia, Indonesia and the Philippines. Certainly not the most ‘commercial’ of windsurfing havens one would read in windsurfing magazines but we had great winds and big waves. Daily trainings under my China coach then include runnning at 6:30am, breakfast at 8am, Gym training or windsurfing training 9am-12pm. We’ll have lunch and another windsurfing session from 2-5pm. It was pure pain, hard work and numbness to adrenalin. Nonetheless, the dream one holds of perfecting the moves, achieving superhuman physical fitness and the satisfaction of winning races enslaves one to the cause. Strangely and almost bizarre, I was enjoying the mundane routine and looking forward each morning to push myself beyond my limits. Each day when tough training knocked me out, I would lie in bed blissfully fulfilled, aching from head to toe, happy that I had given of myself, done my very best and spent every ounce of my strength into a God-given calling. I relish the idea of pursuing a dream, aware that some go through life not having a dream. The scariest thing is not about leaving one’s dreams unfulfilled, but in not having one. I was training with a fierce Passion-the kind that causes some to excel beyond anyone else – dulls one’s sense of fatigue, pain, and the need for pleasure or even physical well-being. There is no greater honour, no greater pleasure than to represent your country.

Last few days have been a flurry of emotions…not least feeling the extremes of emotions, great joy for a wedded couple-friend and immense sadness for a friend killed by a speeding powerboat on a lake. As if there is not enough going around the world to remind us to cherish our loved ones, to cherish what we have and thank God for all that is in this world, I have to be robbed of a friend to be struck with that slap. Vangie Palacios, is a dynamic and inspiring travel-journalist, and responsible for organizing most windsurfing and surfing competitions in the Philippines. She passed away on Friday, 3 May, 2003 on Lake Caliraya, Manila, when she was hit by a speedboat while swimming alone. She was killed instantly. The backbone of the Philippines’ windsurfing scene, much doubt remains now if our fellow Filippino windsurfers would be able to continue windsurfing without thinking of her. I can’t, for sure. Her mobile phone no. stays in my mobile phone, no, I’m not deleting her number. I wore black today, and if I have enough black clothes, I will do so for the week. It’s my way of saying ‘Vangie, I miss you and I wish your spirit peace’. It was a brief one week spent in fleeting moments of her company, during the Asian Windsurfing Tour in Boracay, Philippines. I remember her as dynamic, well-educated, spontaneous and warm. I read about her travel journals, and one of them, of her 30-day travel to U.S. with her husband, Art. They were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary. The camera, which she so fondly called Juliana, captured the finest moments of her life. Aptly so, they were vibrant, varied and vivacious, and very Vangie! She was a travel-journalist, photographer, windsurfer, surfer, fine friend and all the vocabulary in the world will fail to describe her. It all seemed so surreal. I was just emailing her 4 days ago, when she informed me about an almost-sponsored windsurfing race in Jeju, Korea. She told me she was taking a weekend break, to go windsurfing at Caliraya Lake. She was supposed to reply me about certain details, and wrote off in her last email, that she'll be back! Well, she didn't keep to that promise. Many will mourn for a loss of a dear friend, many others will mourn for the loss of an inspiration which we can so easily overlook. Rest In Peace, Vangie! God bless your family.

5/10/2002 BUSAN ASIAN GAMES: RACES 1-3 Races hv been underway here in Busan & race 3 has just been completed today. Yesterday wind was good, from 15-20+ kts (gust) & there were some surprises. I dunno where to start reporting the results. To begin with, Andrew has been very consistent in all 3 races, coming in 6th, aha...he beat Taipei old man (7th) to retain his 6th psn. In his class, Mistral lightweight, psns change in every race. Today, 0 kt in morn & we waited several hrs b4 it blew ard 8-12 kts in super gloomy weather. CHN 1ST, HKG 2ND, KOR 3RD, JPN4TH, THA 5TH, SIN 6TH. Mistral Heavyweight: INA 1ST, CHN 2ND, JPN 3RD, HKG 4TH, THA 5TH. Yesterday, results were different. We saw the CHN lady Yin Jian doing badly, being 5th overall after 2 races. Dunno what happened to her, whilst Tha gal was 3rd. HKG San san won both races, Masako sits 2nd. Meng, Cho doesn't look like he's gonna win, with mostly 4th & 5th places. HKG ho chi ho is fighting hard with CHN Zhou Yuanguo & finally today, Gao Chuanwei in Raceboard LW! , came in 1st after patching his board till 9 p.m. last night. Everybody raced in epoxy-patched raceboards. Received bad feedback for its fragility in such rough conditions. I had smuggled myself into the Press boat these 2 days, after disguising myself as a Photographer & Journalist. The boat brought us right next to the pin end buoy of the start line. I'll send out some good photos when they r ready.

10/2/2002 WEDNESDAY TYPHOON in Osaka & Long-waiting game! More shopping, there were nothing much coz there were only sweaters & more sweaters. really, it wasn't that cold. and i'm frustrated from always having to put up with stuffy-non-air-conditioned buses coz they think it's cold out there. gosh, i'd rather be cold than hot. that reminds me of the 40min bus ride to the airport this morning. i didn't sleep well coz i was too excited abt today. aha...firstly, I walked 15 min thru' underpasses, streets & lots and lots of staircases to the bus-stop. The airport bus 68 came, i was greeted by this grouchy old man who grunts & scolds. i got thru' the paying-bus-fare part, then chose a seat 3 rows behind him. realising the air-con wasnt on, i asked him to switch it on. oh there started the ranting and raving...he's probably scolding me in his native korean vulgar language. he switched it on and after half a min, switched it off again. Oh ok, so this means 'switching on the air-con'. I stopped requesting for the air-con obviously. i continued the near-fainting journey, half in fear if indeed, this bus goes to Gimpo airport. You know, u feel more uncertain when you have a very un-assuring driver. I really almost fainted in the stuffy bus, feeling really hungry and still in a sleepy stupor, I struggled to stay perky. Well, I did reach the Gimpo Airport, Praise God! I quickly checked in and on my way to STARBUCKS, bumped into 3 girls who were screaming & struggling with each other for some reason. Finally, the police was called in to maintain sanity at the Departure Lounge. Then I joyfully ordered a Grande Cappucino with lots of Choc & some cinnamon in it. Nothing beats a nice big cuppa in the morning with the newspapers & a sandwich. It was time to check in and I took the Airport Limousine bus to the Domestic Departure Hall. I found my seat beside this ang-moh guy who looked like he was busy doing homework. aha...I read more newspapers & soon, we reached Busan Domestic airport in an hr. It's the Airport Limousine bus again to the Intl airport. There i had my best surprise of the day. Yasuko's flight is to be delayed for 4 hrs! Praise the Lord! It's a cruel, long & starving waiting game. I cant leave because I do not know which hotel she has booked. Anyway, I am really looking forward to meeting the windsurfers and sailors, incl the officials, coaches & jury from the rest of the world. It'll be an awesome gathering.

30/9/2002 CRAPPY CAPPUCINO Greetings from Seoul! The first thing that happened to me was to get conned of a cuppa lousy cappucino. this is my second time & i hv not learned my lesson!! darn! Koreans make lousy coffee, period! For the same price, i could have lingered happily in Starbucks, Coffee Beans or Seattle's. Anyway, i attempted the Jungang Flea Market after my Dunkin Donuts breakfast in the subway...it's not a Flea market, as u would think, it's really a wet market, Korean-style. And I saw, *gasp*, dogs in cages, whining & next to the bunch of caged dogs, as if to remind them of their impending doom, were displays of frozen dog legs, RAW! How poignant! I almost dropped my camera...the scene seizes me like hyperventilation as i struggled to relate DOGS to Makan! I tried to take pictures but the owner waved me off, i pointed to the dogs & the man continued to disallow pictures. I didn't persist, in case i had to keep the dogs company in the cage. But i took one photo of the dogs in the opposite ! stall. I walked around more, but certainly, lunch was not on my mind. i went back to Downtown seoul when the raw smell got into me. i'm impressed at the rate of improvemt, there r street concerts here everynight. their arts & ways of expression for youths r amazing. juz last night, i stood frozen to the ground watching bunches of teens dancing on the permanent stage. it was awesome as it's not juz swaying but some of the boys were breakdancing & flipping & somersaulting perfectly to the rhythm. I do understand how local sports, arts, dance & theatre r really not happening. I visited the local bookstore today...and there were books of the individual footballers. Not to say that their ads adorn the streets, mags, everything! Then i went to Korean Air to confirm my air tix & to mark that bus-stop which the airport express bus would move from on my map. Till I fly to Busan to check out the Asian Games, i'm juz hanging around, watching lots of tv. Theyhad the Opening ceremony last night & as usual, i only saw the Koreans coz that's all they showed. The only reason y i'll come back kor is the snow skiing. YUP!!!

29/9/2002 So Seoul only... I did some more touristy things these 2 days & boy, it's a lot a lot of walking...practically hours. Yesterday, I took the subway (basically, i take the subway to EVERYWHERE coz it's sooo cheap! tho' not the easiest to figure out but a hundred times easier than Tokyo's) to Gyeungbokkung Palace & Independence Gate. The palace was not impressive, looked rather fake as it was purposely built as a university project & it's nothing compared to the Vietnamese & Chinese palaces which were really really awesome. I digressed to the Korean Folk Museum...and guess who was up in Korea's history? Yes, the Korean World Cup & the Kor football team! It was quite an awesome sight. A bunch of boys kicking balls in the historical annals of the country. It speaks a lot abt what the country thinks abt sport amongst its priorities. Then I took the subway to the Sodaemun History Prison Hall. I think the Korean War is either not as horrendous as the other wars or that the museum architects are not up to it. aha. It was ok lah, ended up taking photos of myself using the timer. Hope they turn out. Late afternoon, I took the subway to the reputed shopping belt called Itaewon! Well, there're too many tourists there, too many blacks, ang-mohs and ang-moh fast-food. Then there are consistent bunches of Harley-bikes vrrooming up the 'happening' street so often I don't find them unique anymore. My hunger resisted & I ended up at Steff's Hotdog for dinner. And I bought 4 more World Cup t-shirts in addition to the 2 I already bought. Exhausting the 2 streets, I returned back to my motel in the big pouring cold cruel rain!!! The raindrops here seem much bigger than those back home, and at least 10 deg colder! It was Sat night, so there were nice movies to watch on tv. there was this show starring Eddie Murphy, pretty funny...and those asian games highlights here & there often. But in Korea, u juz tend to think Kor is winning in every sport & in every competition coz that's all they show. I've bought the Korea Herald sometimes but still, Kor wins everything. aha. This morning I woke up really excited because I was going to reward myself with a hot Cuppa Cappucino & choc muffin at Coffee Beans. Then I'll head for the biggest church i.e. Yoida Full Gospel Church, in the world, right here in Seoul. It's headed by Rev David Cho Yonggi. Hmmm, it's really big!! Everything but the seats are big. The cross must have been 50 ft high....and I understood only 'Hallelujah' & 'Amen' in the entire worship & sermon. Yup, it was in traditional korean. I spent my time taking photos of the congregation, the church building & occasionlly flipping thru' my Korean Phrasebook. No chance to explore other parts of the building as the human throng is simply too powerful. There were tons of traffic police directing the human & traffic, obviously i forgot to mention the traffic jam as i was reaching there b4 the service. I proceeded with my itinery which was to head for the Han-Gang river cruise which was supposed to take me to this windsurfing area. I had an hr plus to kill b4 the ferry sets off. Ate lunch out of a Snack Car (a mini-bus) and waited...watched the children feed the pigeons & chasing them... The ferry was kinda of a disappointment. There was this rowdy grp of people who were taking photos during the entire trip & i was forced to abdicate my seat to somewhere photo-taking-free. There was no wind...so the windsurfing was quite a sad scene. Then i walked an hour to the Chamsil subway...half an hr later, back in Myongdong. Next 2 days, I planned it to be relaxing...finish last-min shopping, check out the Hwang-hak Flea Market & come back. Tues, I'll just hang out at my shopping area, shop somemore & pack up. Wed early morn, I'll hv to take the 10am domestic flight to meet Yasuko. I really dunno what to eat for dinner...aha. and it's real crowded outside.

27/9/2002 SEOUL SOUL! Greetings from Seoul. The Asian Association for Sportt Management Congress was a big surprise! right fm beginning, every day was a surprise. u know nobody picked us up from the airport? ya, we waited 2 hrs & finally, called up the hotel, nobody made a reservation for us & we ended up taking an hr public bus to the Olympic Parktel hotel. WELCOME TO SEOUL! of coz, more surprises to come. on second day, they packed us off to Busan for this Scientific Congress which we didn't know we were attending. aha. then they left us there to return to Seoul on our own. Addy didn't want to make himself more confused and so, remained in Busan. I found my way to the Railway station with a Jap friend & took too-too-train for 4-half hrs back to Seoul. My cheapskate motel is ok lah..juz lock everything tight lor. but i suppose anyone can give a slight kick & the door will fall. i slept well in the motel after all & felt used to it aft one night. aha. it's ok coz location's best!! Yes, now i found out many nice places to go...i've planned my itinery & am very happy! i'm juz opp to this really happening shopping area which i only found out tis aftn. i ventured there for lunch & didnt expect it to be so happening as it looked boring fm the street. aha. was i wrong. anyway, last night aft i got outta internet shop, i cont shoppin in that Namdaemon street market. i was trying to buy a good & cheap leather jacket. in my 2nd shop, this guy was really nice & striked up conversation. it was the same one that really fit me & really good leather (cannot burn when u light a fire on it & very smooth). in the first shop, it cost s$325. in tis second shop, i asked for leather that cost ard s$100 (actually not that possible coz it's ex right). dun hv...so i walked out. then that guy called me back & offered me s$125 for that same long black italian leather jack. i tried it again & ok, bot it. i'm not leather expert lah but it's the best price i came across, even in china or aus, usu at least s$200. juz now i walked into giordano & their leather jac is also going for s$300+. i think i got a good deal lah. also bot a nice brown denim 'jeans' for s$57. the cutting is good on me, coz all my life i can never buy a pair of 'jeans' or pants that look nice on me, aha. so i bot it. looks fantastic wif the leather. anyway, aft my kfc lunch (yes, sick of kor food!) at the shopping area opp my motel, i followed my itinery plan i.e. Namsan National park & Seoul Tower & Namsan traditional korean village. it was juz to the right of my motel. it required a steep one-hr plus walk up to the peak. despite the 27deg ok weather, i was perspiring lor...and it wasn't breathtaking! aha, i asked this man to take photo for me. then i sat there to rest my legs while looking upon the bunches of 5-yr-olds running & screaming. it seems that the kids hv lots of excursions, coz i see them everywhere i go. but they r so cute. then i bot the tix to bring me up to Seoul Tower. well, i was disappointed the elevator only brought me up to one-third of the tower, which my Timex watch measured only 235m altitude. the peak is supposed to be 456m in altitude. sigh. 'up there', it wasnt fantastic too. aha. Tokyo Tower, i remembered, is 100x more breathtaking. well, i should hv been there at night. but then again, no way am i gonna climb 1 hr plus up the steep stairs in pitch darkness. i forgot there's a cablecar to bring us to the tower directly. but...i trust the car, not the cable. i'd rather walk. then i went to the tourist info counter, chatted a while & got them to help me change my Busan flight. done. went on to the Namsan Traditional Korean village which was 45 min walk away. i found it after a little bit of getting-lost here & there. reached there in 1 hr. well, it really wasn't fantastic. some koreans were filming there & the actor, who was decked in a beard & traditional costume, pointed to my oa! kley & gave his thumbs-up. aha. definitely, in this hot weather! aha. Tonight i'll check out in entirety this shopping area opp my motel. it's quite happening. Bought a pair of Polo socks for s$1+ coz last night i was desperately trying to dry my only pair of socks with the aircon. lesson learned. tomorrow i'll check out the ChangYonggung Palace up North fm my motel. There's supposed to be a series of shows there the whole day, incl those Changing-Guards thingy. aha. Then if i hv time in the day, will travel South to the War Memorial Museum. In evening, go to the famous shopping belt called Itae-Won. Sunday will be church-day. aha...the World's biggest church is here in Seoul and that's Yoida Full Gospel Church at Yoida. After service, I'll take a boat cruise (called the Hangang River Cruise, an hr) from Yoida to Ttuksom where there's supposed to be a Windsurfing area. I hope to windsurf a couple of hrs there. Monday will be more historical & educational stuff again...check out the Sodaemun Prison, Independence Park etc. Comparing Japan with Korea, i like japan many times more. the culture is richer & more happening. the people are more bold, entrepreunerial & charismatic. ya, i'll finally meet yasuko, my jap friend, at busan airport after a series of non-communication. i wont get a phone here after all. think there's no need. internet shops r everywhere. Finally, at the Korean Traditional Village phone booth, i managed to get my korean windsurfer friend on his handphone. i learnt from the girl at the Tourist Info booth that i need to add a 0 in front of all mobile no. cheh...no wonder. And i called my bf ker Wan & he was Shanghai airport, squeezing his way to check-in half an hr b4 the plane was flying off. ha, that's the typical China-adventure there...here's not as bad. I told him to spit to claim his territory & be more aggressive in jumping queue. hopefully he's in the plane now. aha.

Golly...it's been almost 4 months since i updated the good ol' Blogger. So much has changed, as always. Thank God for changes as they represent new-ness, virility, birth and challenge. It would have been a self-punishment if I try to list the changes in these 4 mths or to explain what had trespassed. The best would be to say what's on my heart right here, right now. Out of the overflowing of the heart the mouth speaketh and the fingers typeth...aha! The major blessing would have to be my wonderful partner, the only man in my life (oops! 2 actually...the other Most important man being Jesus aha)...no doubt we are thriving in the knowledge of love, life and living. It can be tough with 2 very different people put together but the plus-es are awesome. It's much more than just bringing the very best out of each other, we can even bring out beautiful qualities that we never ever knew existed in ourselves. Loving is not always easy and it can be the most frustrating thing when things just go by Murphy's Law. The rewards are greater than the trying times. My man has proposed over the the Vesak long wkends in nearby Bintan. I was surprised with a gorgeous solitaire diamond ring. Wow, there goes his budget for a full set of sail and board. Poor thing! aha...Moving on, we are planning for a nice church wedding and dinner to be held at the end of '03. I have all sorts of crazy ideas for that ideal wedding. Better not start dreaming again... The next good thing must be wrt windsurfing. What many would think to be stupid to drop out of the Asian Games, I would say to them 'you know nuthin about what I was going through so shut up!'. I tire of explaining myself out of this image of 'giving up', 'self-exaltation' or 'making u-turn'. It was none of that. It doesn't matter to me what people think because I have nothing to prove and no one to impress. Things are certainly getting better...thanks to The Windsurfing Shop, I received my first set of Formula equipment: Gaastra Nitro 3 9.0metre, AHD Formula Diamond 170 litres. Life has never been the same again. We've had 3 races over the last weekends. We didn't have the best fun and the strongest wind but it was great just racing. I look forward to 2 more races in the next 2 months. They are Singapore Windsurfing C'ship (20-21 July) & Pesta Sukan Windsurfing C'ship (August). I'm sooooo happy...I just bought a KONA U.S. Mountain bike & love biking during my lunch-time. I'm following a triathlon training program i.e. swimming, biking & running. When it's simply too hot to run, I'll pick up the bike & go. Meanwhile, Ker Wan & I have been shopping for a new bed. Yes yes, planning for wedding but I confess the impetus to plan isn't here yet. It's probably scheduled for end next year. Stay tuned to our invites.

4 March 2002 Monday WOW!!!!! Work work work... Today was my virgin day at work, finally!!! It's a whole new package of new beginnings, as my friend-visitor had pointed out, beginning with brand new furniture and brand new colleagues and brand new work awaiting me. As of all 'Day 1s', I was (not) busy dusting my new furniture, gently hounding the clerk for stationeries, hounding IT dept for quicker delivery of my computer, making quick mental lists of what-to-bring-to-office-next-day (e.g. tissue box, Pooh bears, CDs, AWT poster, photos?, vitamins, pen holders, more stationeries, cereal, and others), making frequent socialisation visits to my new colleagues' workstations, and making more mental lists of what-to-brings...:) My boss is a nice gentle giant...and we call him Paul. Far from being the celibate apostle Paul in the Bible, this man is a typical leader, albeit spiritual and amazingly open-minded. So much so that I sometimes forget to give him the due respect, in the sense of over-friendliness and casual-ness. You always feel like giving him a pal-y pat on the shoulder except that he's too tall for your reach. Nice man...:) I like my little corner in the big office, not too far from the toilet, pantry and exit, yet not too near for passers-by' scrutiny. I have enough work space to focus on my career and enough space to be spaced-out when I'm mentally fatigued. Basically, everyone trusts everyone to do their work, and work-outs too. What's so wonderful about working here is the proximity to the sports facilities...I envision taking a short jog to the gym, jump-start those dormant office muscles, jog back to my office, quick thorough shower and back to slogging. I'm excited!!!!! Yippee!! Or, take a brisk walk to the swimming pool across the road, swim 2km, shower, walk back...another wonderful work-out. I'm just plain excited about the new life, a new routine, a new focus...I look forward to the challenges that will come on me and I can't wait to pounce on those new projects like a hungry wolf. Lunch-time work-outs never fail to rejuvenate my energy and re-focus my mind. I'll be back for more...stay tuned!!

26 FEB 2002 Tuesday WEEK OF BLESSED BEGINNINGS This week began with a Bang! The healing virtue of Jesus zapped me on the Sunday service and healed me of a one-mth plus nagging pain in the left side of my back. Praise God!! It was a morning of back healing and the stiffness I usually felt was immediately gone. I could now bend backwards, which I could usually not do before. Thereafter, I knew that this week will be a week of blessings and miracles. The next miracle was manifested juz the very next day. I was down for a 3rd round of interview at my potential work place...the usual routines went on...and after leaving, felt the victory was far. Then I received a call from my boss-to-be to say I got the job. Praise God! Put your trust in God and see if His blessings will not overflow and flood your life. I think it's quite unbelievable to land a job in exactly 1 mth of hunting. I wasn't even hunting really hard...sent out not many resumes. Not that I was lazy, but I was expecting something on my way...and juz rested in His grace, and brainstorming about my 'lil business venture'. I'm still not sure if I should really import those silk handbags and if I will have time to sell them to make a profit. My spirit says 'amen' and my work schedule says 'maybe not'...I'll pray about it and make a decision.

21 Feb 2002, Thursday 5 MONTHS ARCHIVE It's been nearly 5 mths since I last filled in my e-journal. It felt like 5 weeks. The more I have to write, the less I wrote. Such is the irony that I am forcing myself to make a check, face myself and archive the past. Yes, archive the past so that I can move on...Maybe I was hesitant to archive the past, harbouring a secret hope to revive dreams unfulfilled, or that the skeletons in the closet are haunting me anew. Finding a topic to begin with is a tough task, just as I do not know what is the cause and what the result is. Sometimes we do not know what we really want, to reach there only to find out we want something else. Or, we stumble upon something we never dreamed we'd do and feel the Oomph we would associate with a dream fulfilled. I conclude that life and all its complexities are made more complex when we attach technical terms to it. They are really not always what it seems to be. We reach a goal only to feel empty and aimless, or contend with 'at least I've been there and done it' or 'Just do it'. We move on to find a new goal and trudge on the journey, neverending journey with an insatiable appetite. Take an interview I attended today at a Marketing firm for example, the ad says 'Marketing Executive' and I went ahead with the interview with blistering results. We were told there'll be series of shortlisting and we'll be informed if we are shortlisted by next Tuesday. Not more than 10 minutes had gone by when I received a call inviting me to a second interview tomorrow. I was ecstatic! Praise the Lord! I placed a ring to my sister who was more certain than certain that this job is no more than a Salesgirl post. The signs were verifying themselves to me indeed. I felt guilty of doing my best in that interview. I had made sure to present the most positive body language that employers look for, spoke well, charming smiles, projecting a professional, confident and pretty image. I went an extra mile to present the Manager with my full resume without being asked. I had assumed what was not to be my career goal to be mine i.e. Salesgirl. This is a petty example. Professional terms are not what they seem to be and when we discover the truth, we become guilt-ridden and sorry. Terms are superficial and superfluous. They restrict us with its definition and prevents us from stepping beyond its boundary. I choose to admit my ignorance than to pretend knowledgeability. Back to the archives of the last 5 mths of my life...I'm happy, and relieved to be able to keep it archived forever. It has been blessed with blissful joys and marred with malicious evils. Since gracing the podium of victory during the SEA Games, I also stepped into the chasm of being-backstabbed and accused. Thank God I survived the valley of shadow of death. I've since reached the end of my wits with regards to my windsurfing career. My coach had quit in a huff just weeks after the 2001 SEA Games, allegedly unhappy over his salary and treatment from the Fed. We all knew how he felt and knew how he was treated all those time...but each time, we would get stepped over with more professional reasons which the authorities and journalists would agree with, or pretend to agree. The vacuum could never be filled and for these 4 plus months, I was training every single day, diligently, alone in the huge seas. Each time, I was greeted with a 'we are doing our best' and 'it's not easy to find a coach'. When I get called up to lone meetings, I was lashed at, verbally. I was accused of instigating journalists to popularise windsurfing and to accuse them of not doing enough. I was accused of creating unrest among the sailors and having a personal agenda. I could not defend myself, given the fierce anger ripping me apart, I could only say 'I don't know why you are doing this to me?' and fight to contain tears that threaten to emerge from under my eyes. Malicious gossips were even spread that I did not resign from my previous company to train full-time. That I was probably sacked and turned to the solace of sports. Well-meaning journalists have called me to advise me to opt out as the Fed thinks negative of me. I cannot begin to explain what I did not do...I was simply training diligently daily and gently probing about training plans and keeping tab on development. I was not given quantifiable selection criteria and my selection was based on 'evaluation' by dinghy people who claimed to understand windsurfing. 4 mths had passed, and the coach's visa was still pending. Training stints could not be confirmed. Training with Asian countries who are also training for the Asian Games who don't speak our language, I wonder how effective it will be. Coincidentally, the Thai training trip was promised a couple of days after the national body was tipped off about the lack of training plans. I was told to pack up and fly off the next week, if possible, in a day's notice. I do not understand the urgency when I've waited for more than 4 mths, plus, Thailand is a place where we are welcome to go ANYTIME of the year. They seemed to have picked up on the idea only now. I was to have missed Chinese New Year and a holiday trip unless I buy my own ticket back. Just when I was named on the Training Squad did I withdraw from the selections formally. Journalists followed up on their own stories about me and what I set out to do from the beginning. I must not be giving up, it seems. I knew in my heart that the best they've done, or so they claimed, is not good enough. The double standards are more than glaring and even the dumbest person can deduce the facts. I was told I need not have a coach in order to train for Asian Games. Then why are there coaches for every dinghy class? It would have been a disgrace to represent my country with sub-standard preparation. It would have been an insult to the Games itself. My goal was to race with a medal-winning chance, not to just have fun in the Opening Ceremony and to boast I've been there before. I have better things to do, honestly. If I'm not ready, I will not run the race. Better to admit my weakness than to boast of assumed capability. In any case, I knew I wouldn't be selected, I'll be dropped conveniently along the way, according to their 'plan of unpreparedness' for me. Thanks but no thanks. That decision had bugged me...especially after I've read how the journalists interpreted that and developed their stories. On my way back from Vietnam holiday, I was suddenly gripped by fear of facing reality once more. A fear of having to defend myself for something I've not done; for having to be public with a personal struggle/issue. One has to tell the story differently when telling it to the public. It's just not the same. Each of us have a public responsibility...to always appear to be that hope in the midst of hopelessness; the strength in a mire of fear and the ray of light in pitch darkness. There's nothing to write about giving up, re-focusing, change of priorities...hence, I was forced to admit that I'm not giving up racing YET. Hence, the clear assumption would be that I will still race in the next SEA Games and beyond. I have to say yes...don't we all have this civic duty to give hope to our fellow citizens? I hope to spend some time with myself...probably a month of rugged backpacking in the northern hills of Thailand. In my seclusion, I will write more chapters for the BLOGGER. Ciao!!

13 September, SEA Games The race starts on Monday and will end on Saturday, latest Sunday (spare day). My event sees only 3 competitors, Thailand, Indonesia & Singapore. The fewer competitors mean that the tougher it is...it'll be more of a tactical race than anything. I was lying 1st after the 1st day but dropped to 2nd place by today. I sailed badly on the 2nd day but recovered enough to come back stronger on 3rd day. Thai sailor is ahead of me by 5 points, and I’m leading the 3rd girl by 3 points. It is stiff and almost impossible for me to catch up to win the gold unless I come in 1st in the next 4 races and Thai finishes 3rd or gets disqualified etc. Today is a reserve day. we have 2 more days of racing, 4 races left. So far, the points and our positions are as follows: Thai: 1, 2, 1, 1, 1, 1 Singapore: 2, 1, 3, 3, 2, 2 Indonesia: 3, 3, 2, 2, 3, 3 Tactically, I need to secure a Silver first and if I do win the Thai, it’s a bonus. I still have to keep a look-out for INA. The lesser points win…If we run 8 races and above, we are allowed to discard 2 races. On the first day, I had blazing form as I was thoroughly in peace and in rest. I surprised everyone when I was 1st on score tally. Pressure came in and I crashed on the 2nd day, as everyone was expecting the gold medal from me since. I was not in rest then and was full of anxiety, and even came back with bad blisters on my hands. 3rd day, I went out praising the Lord and worshipping Him for His goodness etc…and sailed with the peace I had on 1st day. But I made some stupid mistakes which cost me one win. I could have won the 1st race. Seems like a miracle is needed if I should get the Gold. Thai would have to do really badly and I would have to sail really well. I don’t know how this is possible but my trust is in the Lord. Praise God for every result I had… I've been reading yr emails and praising God for the victory (in tongues etc) that He already acquired for me and is inside me. Yes, I'm conscious that it is not by my training or own strength that will get me the Gold medal. I shall remove every fear and concern that I may disappoint and have confidence in the Lord. They are indeed strong and Thai girl has juz returned from competing in the World Champs. She also went to the Olympics last year plus all the major events, while I didn’t and started full-time training only in Feb. They seem like impossible competitors to triumph in the natural, BUT i will go forth in the strength & confidence in the Lord. God is in covenant with me and He is not capable of failing me!!! My trainings can only bring me a short distance but His grace will get me the victory!! I will praise the Lord at all times...and find courage and grace in HIS sight.

2001 KL SEA Games...20 August, 2001, from Bayu Beach Resort, Port Dickson, Malaysia Decided to go to hotel manager's apt to download my emails tonite, since it's our off day! yay!!! Had gone out to Seremban town this afternoon, with Naomi, Stanley Tan and 2 coaches. After we sent Stanley off at the train station, we proceeded back to Bayu resort, but only after some drinks across the road. Then Naomi & I went for a comfortable 43 min run nearing 8 km in one of the villages nearby called Desa Rusa. There is a local primary school and some nice long houses in them, mostly comprising of Malays & Indians. And it was dinner-time and now, typing emails. On today's papers, it was stated 19 days away from SEA Games...and boy, it hasn't begun to sunk it yet!! However, it has, almost subtly, when I discover that sailors are becoming generally quieter and more serious, though more fatigued. For me, I'm only getting slightly more worried, though i know I shouldn't, and juz rest/trust in God. I'm getting worried abt the diminishing and depleting wind conditions. This week has been a challenge, the wind ranging from 0-4 knots max, not to mention short gusts that come and go. Yesterday, we were pumping around Olympic-sized trapezoid courese in 0-1 kt winds, and strong current. I could hardly muster the physical strength to create momentum. I lost out to the boys by one whole round/sausage. Coach scolds me for lousy performance and the 'what-if-it's-race-day' comment, myself feeling super lousy for not feeling good & not being able to psyche myself up in this no wind condition. My mood drops with the wind strength. When pumping becomes the sole means of propulsion and board momentum, it takes the life out of u to juz make yr board move. It's ok in the Girls' fleet as everyone would be on almost equal grounds in terms of physical strength. Maybe it's my own frustration...I'm praying they won't start races in the SEA Games in this 0 gusting to 2 kts wind. It's no WIND-surfing...prob PUMP-surfing. I hope we'll be racing in 6-8 kts wind at least... I have learnt a great deal abt professional windsurfing from Coach during this trip. Firstly, equipment: He taught us how to love our equipment, set it up 'perfectly' and etc...every unnecessary knot would be done away with and every dirt is wiped away. I would sweep my hands over my board after each session to clean it of dirt, sand etc...every part of the equipment is perfect and tuned to the finest mm/cm. I now know how much a difference it makes, that extra cm or adjustment to the downhaul/outhaul/footstraps. How to personalise a sail and know how to tune a sail to sail optimumly. I would know if my outhaul had loosened by itself when I'm pumping or if my boom slipped by one cm. I'm learning...and feeling excited. Secondly and more...that'll be too much for me to write...:) We'll be returning to Singapore on 30 Aug, next Thurs to be precise. Collecting our blazers etc the next day, we would fly up in style on 2 Sept, prob moving into the Games Village. The ST journalists (Tse Chueen & 2 photographers) had came by last Thurs/Fri, juz to take pix of us eating dinner, doing laundry and training. They really bother, I thought!! But this is part of the stress that's beginning to seep in...the press, expectations, the results, whether we r peaking etc...and sometimes, the 'what-if-i-don't-make-the-cut' thoughts. I heard there was an article yesterday abt us...We train twice a day, 2-half-3 hrs in the morning and another of this in the aftn. We would leave our equipment on the beach, under the trees b4 we launch again after a short lunch of sandwiches (and instant noodles...the bread is simply not enuf...we say, ang moh no brain, give us so little). Plus, our head coach was worried we will put on weight when SEA G starts. Surely not for the windsurfers...finally, a little of my abs are showing. aha! I was telling the sailors that we ought to learn each other's sports so we can understand each other more. I know sailing so they should learn windsurfing too. Otherwise, we cannot meet each other's needs on simple things like food and rest. By the way, 2 days ago, I had carefully placed my equipment under a tree during our lunch break. An hr later, I found 8 coconuts nicely placed on my sail...I looked up to see a 10m tall coconut tree, and realised my wrong choice of tree. Thank God that there was no hole, only some coconut prints and scratches...I think it was a miracle!! The coconuts were the usual size and they dropped together with the leaves. It muz have been divine protection. Count my blessings...I was usually careful in choosing trees but that day, I was particularly tired and looking fwd to going back to my room, hence... I thank God for Naomi here...at least I have someone to talk to, to click with. I realised how that is a blessing after all. This trip is already a hundred times more comfortable than my China trips. Coz sometimes it gets really boring, with juz training the whole day, and I would juz hole up in my room at night, after dinner. Yes, I do appreciate the single-mindedness of training, as it was in China (much worse in China actually). Most nights I would juz snuggle up in my comforter, sit on my bed in nice cool air-con temps, read books, write notes, play music, watch VCDs...and reflect on my life, and training. When I've though thru' almost everything possible, sometimes I would go over to Naomi and chat (or vice versa, depending who gets bored first). Then we'll exchange notes abt sailing, windsurfing, sailors, coaches, God or juz plain gossip. aha!! Time actually flies past faster than I imagined. We are gossiping less now, and juz holing up in our rooms, kept company by our thoughts, prayers and reflections. I guess the reality of the race is getting nearer to me and I'm feeling it. I know better than to entertain it too much so I bought 4 more VCDs last night...classics like BEN Hur, Evita, Little Buddha & The Hurricane. Previously, I watched Swordfish, Kiss of the Dragon and Angel Eyes...Pirated vcds r making the cinema a dwindling business. It's raining now...Quite a rare phenomenon in PD...I hope it doesn't make the wind go away. It's definitely one of the coldest nights thus far. A great change from the blistering heat! Munching on Penang tao sar biscuits which Ker Wan bought for me. Great stuff, good & cheap. Was really glad he came by to visit me as well as to race. Certainly felt the support thru' the efforts and trouble which he took.The 4 hour driving each way, hotel expenses and bringing things up for me (instant noodles, milk, ST, etc). I'm so blessed...now I'm raring to go all the way for the last part of my training. All or nothing!! Meanwhile, I'll be coveting for your prayers...for a miracle in the GOLD medal and that I'll be in the right gust/shift at all the right times, and that I'll be supernaturally endowed with strength & wisdom. That it will be Jesus windsurfing thru' me and I will glorify Him. Living for this cause...

It's been a long time since I wrote my journal...I'm speechless from the abundance of things brimming in my heart. The sailing contingent will be leaving for Port Dickson in 2 wks' time, more than one month in advance of the SEA Games. Once again, I'm feeling the anticipation of home-sickness. Packing my bags is an easy task now, having all my gear in travel packs constantly, and in generous supplies to last for a long time. We've had 3 races in the last few weeks, mainly the China Open, Raffles Marina and National's. Technically, my performance was best in the China Open and I was mentally razor-sharp. My lack of experience was glaring despite having some good showings. Pumping was vigorous and technically correct. Fitness was peak and mentally aggressive. The diarrhea I got from Beijing set me back in the subsequent 2 races, having to struggle in a weak body, headaches and more aches. Pumping was at an all-time low...:( Otherwise nursing lethargy and fatigue, there has been some press conferences and interviews...We also had our suits tailored and other preparations seen into. Meanwhile, I'm tuning into the Spirit more and more, being increasingly aware of my inadequacy and the largeness of the task. I need His grace and empowerment!!! Painfully aware of my humanity and limitations, and achingly hungry for the Gold, I am standing on Mercy ground. Will keep our preparations constantly updated at PD. :)

17 June 2001 Sunday, LIAN HE ZAO BAO (Chinese newspapers) featured my picture beach-starting and mentioned about the SEA Games. We've also had the PA Windsurfing C'ships over the weekends and it was very successfully organized. Personally, it was a wake-up call to my unpreparedness for the upcoming SEA Games as well as a reality-check. This race was almost like a mini SEA Games where Thailand, Malaysia & Singapore sailors raced. I had lost to a 15 year-old Thai girl while our top male sailor lost to a 12 year-old Thai boy. It was a wake-up call to Singapore windsurfing. Despite having trained in 20 knots wind for the last 2 mths and lost in touch with light wind pumping were excuses not good enough for me. We were also blunt from racing, our last race being last held in March. I was absolutely far from being near my peak, or even where I was in March. I just am not pumping-fit right now and I know how much I need to do to catch up. We are 83 days away from SEA Games and I cannot begin to explain how engrossed I am in this endeavour. I literally think, sleep, eat, breathe SEA Games...I'm very excited and I hope I can have an underdog's chance at the Gold medal.

31 May 2001, Thursday It was blowing up to 28 knots today!! Most of us were overpowered and I saw vertical figures on the water and they were not masts, but sailors uphauling. Aha!! I managed for about almost an hr until disaster fell. My sail was already flat, mast extension No. 6 and fully tight. Upwind was ok as I was trying hard to use my body weight to hold down the sail. I wasn’t powered up but I was moving. DW planning was another disaster as the power on the sail was tremendous. I could not hold it at all and kept getting hauled up into a catapult. It was literally ‘Bumps & Jumps’ the whole stretch. I guess I was one of the worst victims, having ripped my sail apart just below the boom in a Broadreach planning catapult. I fell hooked into the harness and as I pressed the boom down, the sudden pressure slit my sail left to right. It didn’t help that my 2 year-old sail was already crisp and torn in many places. Today was the day it had to go…I tried desperately to sail the long distance back to shore but sailing upwind to shore (off-shore wind) is no mean feat with a torn sail. The wind couldn’t catch any wind at all…finally I moved a little and started to wave my hand for assistance. Finally, the Zhejiang coach saw me, anchored a buoy and came over to help me. Express-derigging on the boat and we went off to rescue another Hainan girl in distress too. We then went back to shore. Coach was also back and he went out again to look for the boys. Both of them came back early, totally exhausted by the strong wind. I was not to think that I was gonna have holidays the next 2 days as Coach instructed me to use Andrew’s training sail while he will rig up his competition sail. 2 June 2001, Saturday I’ve heard that there has been storms in Singapore about once a week, a 20-knotter. We’ve had the Force 5s here too, about 5 times a week J…yesterday (1 June, Friday) we had 22-23 kts wind & today the 15-18 kts wind. Yesterday’s wind was ok…but I got too tired after 2 and a half hrs of training so I left for shore 20 mins earlier than the rest of them. Today e had no choice but to press on through the whole session because it is a centralized training (‘he lian’) with all the other provinces. Coach QH had specifically told us to persevere thru’ all the races. We had 4 races, a huge triangle-sausage course. We went out at 1:30 p.m. and came back at 5 p.m. Oh dear, all my strength spent!!! The waves were mast-high near the upwind mark. I didn’t sail well at all…I was ok only in the first race but punctured early. Sighz…the wind got stronger in the 3rd & 4th races, prob 18 to 20 kts. On the port tack, I was hooking on my toes to the foot-straps with all my might as the huge waves would always threaten to overturn your board and bear you down as you crash down. When going down a wave, I would put pressure on my feet, railing the board even more and close the gap so I can climb up every wave. The more you can carry out the actions over as many waves as you can will determine your board speed. Nearing the upwind mark, the waves were mast-high and always impossible to rail the board. In such cases, I will use my toes to press down the rail of the board to prevent flipping over. Loosen outhaul a little to gain speed to climb the waves. This is because when you are on the crest of the wave, there’s less wind and more wind when you are riding down the wave. I don’t want to lose any board speed at all. On the starboard tack, it’s disastrous as you are sailing at right angles to the waves. I got flipped over once and it’s totally painful to be wiped down by the huge waves. On the downwind legs, everyone is pumping in the 20 kts wind…where do they get so much bull-strength? QH said we probably won’t sail tomolo since it’s a Sunday but who knows…I don’t mind sailing since we have nothing to do. We will be packing up on Monday & then leave on Tuesday morning. Btw, we will definitely be bringing our equipment back to Singapore. Loads of stuff to carry again. I had a small adventure this evening. The boys & me went to eat Mutton & Beef steamboat. After a short but intense dinner with a live gas stove sitting on our table, we walked over to the internet shop but it was packed. Only Andrew had a PC but after waiting for half an hr and seeing the queue and feeling bored, I was the first to leave. I bought a pack of ‘gua zi’ (melon seeds) along the way and decided to take a 15-20 min stroll back. I would go to the BBQ stall to look for my fren. ¾-way to my hotel, a scooter passed me and it was that BBQ girl riding pillion. She shouted at me, stopped and she told me to hop on behind her. So I did, china-style, I was the 3rd passenger on the tiny scooter. Aha!! The guy riding the scooter sent us to the BBQ stall outside our ‘club’. I hung out there a while and business was pretty brisk, being a Saturday. As I dazed at the sea, she poked more chicken wings into sticks, with her bare hands. Ahem! I’ve never agreed to her kind offer of a treat even though she would always offer. Thank God!! They certainly don’t look clean to me…typical road-side stall hygiene is zilch! Aha! Then we got the wheels moving and shifted the stall to Mystify Island Hotel (beside ours). I don’t know why…maybe the tourists staying in the hotels would bring them more business. Then I got on the scooter to go ‘dou feng’ (sight-seeing) with them. They said they were going to this Dongzhou place…very fun. “Zhuo wen” (sit tight) & off we went…riding thru’ rocky roads etc…when we were halfway thru’ an empty patch of land, rather, sand, it started to drizzle. Oh dear!! Scooter woes…got rain no go..ahaha!! so we turned back and before we reached their stall, it was already raining. They had to ‘shou dang’ (close shop) and go home as a result of the rain. I went back to my hotel. So I’m sitting here watching TV, eating gua zi (melon seeds) and typing.

29 May 2001, Monday Songs of Silence: In the day, I lose myself out there in the sea. In the night, I come to find myself back! In the night, you don¡¯t even know the sea is there. Darkness. And you even think it¡¯s so still that the sea is nothing more than a big patch of darkness. Till you walk nearer and listen more intently, you¡¯ll hear the waves crashing gently on the seashore. If you strain your eyes a little, you can even outline strips of light reflected off the surface from the moon. Listen even more intently and you discover a rhythm to the waves; look closer and you see a piercing light in the somber darkness. Can you hear the sea singing songs of silence? I do¡­it¡¯s a song punctuated with crashing waves and howling winds. On other nights, the waves are gentle and the wind¡¯s a shy breeze. Tonight¡¯s song is silent as of other nights. Overcome by fatigue, speechless from my daily weariness and overwhelmed by routine, I sought to find my voice again. Putting aside the reasons that put me here and shrugging off the single-mindedness I was supposed to bear, I seek to listen to my heart, once more, like a child would. I strain to take note of every sound I can hear around me. I listen to the stall-owner¡¯s voice and what she says. I hear the motorbike¡¯s roaring engine. I hear the footsteps of some passers-by. I hear the rustling of leaves and a plastic bag taking off into the dark. I could even hear muffled voices in the distant, occasionally disturbed by shrieks of laughter. I struggle to remember it, lest I forget and lose the feeling. I attempt to remember the day¡¯s activities while savouring the hardship and pondering over the routine of life. After all, this will make up several chapters of my life. Finally, I realized that my song is still silent. It is meant to be silent, I figured. In silence, there is peace. There is a knowing and a focus. In silence means I can sing as though there are no yesterdays or tomorrows. I can create my tune and make up my choir; choreograph the piece and design the lights. In silence means I can hear better. In silence means I can pick up lost thoughts and reflect further on others. In silence means I can sing songs of silence. Whatever you do, be yourself¡­and be what God designed you to be! Labour into rest and struggle to be at peace with yourself.

25 March 2001, Friday PAY IT FORWARD¡­think of an idea to change the world, and put it into action. Trevor McKinney, a 7th-grader, son of a single parent Arlene McKinney (Helen Hunt), changes his world and the people around him with an idea¡­Eugene Simonet, the teacher, throws this idea to his social studies class, and challenges them to think it ¡®possible¡¯ to change the world. Trevor conjures the idea of ¡®Pay It Forward¡¯, brings a bum home, gave him money to buy clothes and lets him sleep in the garage. This man's life is changed by the boy¡¯s kindness¡­the kindness spreads, and spreads. Meanwhile, Trevor thought he had failed and targets Mr Simonet next. He attempts to bring Eugene and his mother together, half in fear that his natural alcoholic father may return, and half hoping Eugene would replace him. Arlene is faced with a man in fear! A man whose past haunts him, emotionally and physically. He sought for familiarity and stability in his life, never got involved with girls and never questioned beyond what he knows and what he has, even though they are bad. He withdraws himself before he even stood out. He used big words to hide his simplicity, quietness to hide his silence. He fears being somewhere he¡¯s never been before and panics when confronted with his fears. Arlene confronts him one night in his apartment, barged in demanding, ¡°Do you look down on me? Coz I don¡¯t talk like you do or read the stuff you read¡­don¡¯t talk to me like that! He says ¡®But I always talk like that, words are all I have.¡¯ Why, why, because you think your face looks like shit? I don¡¯t care about your burns, Eugene, if they are what they are¡­whatever happened to you, you look good to me!! Eugene confessed, ¡®I¡¯ve never been here before¡­¡¯ and starts being defensive, ¡®You don¡¯t see me! MY life is familiar. My life is manageable and everyday, there¡¯s a thing I do¡­it¡¯s all I ever know. With THAT, I¡¯m ok¡­without it, I¡¯m lost.¡¯ Arlene asks if all he WANTS in life is his god-damned manageable routine and she doesn¡¯t believe it. She kisses him and he pulls away. She said she¡¯s tried her best and he says it¡¯s not about her. Yes it is, she says, something is being offered to you here but you don¡¯t want it, maybe you¡¯re afraid to get rejected but I can¡¯t reject you, you¡¯re too quick for me. Eugene protects himself with his routine, that which he ever knew safe. Choosing loneliness and familiarity over love and change, he buries himself in his insecurities. Trevor sees him more than he sees himself. He makes him see beyond duty, to listen to his heart and follow it. The next thing he did was to appear at Arlene¡¯s house and makes love to her. It was more than baring himself and his burns to her, it was a shedding of the past, a reconciliation of desire and change, a redemption of a man given to his fears and insecurities. Almost as if to test his love for her and his ability to change, Arlene¡¯s alcoholic husband returns. Arlene looks for Eugene to explain why she¡¯s taking the alcoholic man back. Eugene was provoked to remember his past, why abused women, like Arlene and his own mother, would keep abuse a secret, and what good it does to the children and Trevor. He poured out his story of how his alcoholic father would get down on his knees in tears, begged his mother to take him back, and how she always took him back. Eugene left home when he was 13. He came back 3 years later and tries to bring his mother away. His father hits him semi-conscious and sets him ablaze. Eugene remembers the look in his eyes till today, that look of immense satisfaction of burning up his son. He breaks down¡­Arlene is sorry for him and Eugene blows up¡­he tells her not to be sorry for him, he begged her to just prevent that from happening to Trevor. She promises it won¡¯t happen to Trevor. Eugene pointed out ¡®All he has to do is NOT love Trevor!¡¯ and walks up his apartment. Arlene knew she¡¯s made a mistake by then, the beauty of hindsight confronts the impossibility of reversing a decision. The next time her alcoholic husband became violent with her, she chases him out of the house. Her fears that he may never forgive her again stopped her from initiating reconciliation with him. It¡¯s hard for some people who are so used to things the way they are, even if they are bad to change. And they kind of give up, when they do, everybody kinda loses. Eugene swears to Arlene that he doesn¡¯t want to be one of those people he¡¯s talking about, or become one. I don¡¯t want to spend another second of wasted air without you. Please don¡¯t let me stay trapped in this forever. I don¡¯t want to spend another second without you. That moment of intense desire and romantic passion was juxtaposed with Trevor¡¯s poignant death. He died for what he believed in, even if it means doing it on a second chance, even if it means that it seems overly idealistic and it only happens on an utopia, that by paying it forward, he can fix a person¡¯s life¡­he just wants to see if he can change the world!! It¡¯s like a big chance to fix something that¡¯s not like your bike, you can fix a person. Because people can¡¯t always see what they need¡­A remarkable young man who¡¯s learnt how to overcome fear and rejection to achieve what he¡¯s dreamt of. Fear is not ONE person¡¯s responsibility, it¡¯s everybody else¡¯s. All of us have a duty towards the next person, to help them overcome their weaknesses and fears, and this world will indeed, change!!

9 May 2001, Tuesday We started the day off with a warm-up run and afterwards at 9 a.m., did some intense abs exercises, grip hangs & the ‘vampire’ squats. The abs exercises were the highlights of the day, targeting at the upper abs, obliques and lower back. The radical exercise was the obliques ex…we lie down sideways, criss-crossing out legs, one on top of the other. Get a partner to sit on your feet and you would do the sit-up exercise sideways, using your obliques to come up. 30 reps each side. J My palms were already sore from windsurfing and the fact that we had to hang on the thick, iron, rusty bar for 2 min creates a headache. J After land training was done, we were back for a rest plus lunch…later, the waves visited on the wind’s behalf and we went swimming & body-surfing instead. It was rather fun swimming in the surf and relaxing the body after a day’s work-out. We also saw a number of teams out there swimming together, replacing windsurfing training with a relaxing swimming session. J We had dumplings delivered to our hotel for dinner. It cost us only $25 for 4 boxes of dumplings. 12 May 2001, Saturday Full-time training is a lot more painful & tough than I had expected in every single aspect. I came to a revelation at how much ‘hard work’ & financial security plays in a sailor’s performance, all other factors a constant. Looking at the Chinese sailors here is a good example. All of them are salaried sailors, meaning it’s a job for them, hence putting them on equal grounds. Those top sailors who excel are those who train the hardest, work the most, put in their heart/soul in every single training & are ambitious. Everyone does the same training day in and day out but how HARD one works is a deciding factor which one can decide to control. Yet because the Chinese sailors are salaried, they have to press on despite feeling fatigued or not-in-the-mood to train, just as we have to go to work regardless of how we feel that day. Singapore sailors are moved by passion for windsurfing, hence when fatigue sets in, we are reluctant to continue pushing as we are no longer enjoying the sport then. We know we are not obliged to train when we are in great pain & fatigue. Yet this ‘pressing-on’ is crucial to building up an endurance which in a long time frame, is foundational in making us strong sailors. Moreover, I’m constantly worried about my finances…my family’s financial situation and how I’m not contributing to my family. I’ve not had a salary for 4 months since I turned full-time and many times, I wonder for how many more months I can train in peace, knowing that my savings are running empty and no money’s coming in on a regular basis & in sufficiency. Hence it’s not just a physical and technical struggle in full-time training. I am confident that I can and more than willing to handle the physical pain, technical understanding but the fuel that can continue to drive me on in the long term is the assurance and knowing that all other aspects of my life are taken care of. Effective full-time training is a cumulative program. Atmosphere is as important as the content of training as training in a group of good windsurfers makes it instinctive for one to assume the correct techniques, motivation and for good observation. We naturally climb up higher rungs without even knowing it. Training with others make the high training load more bearable, as the team spirit is there and pushing each other on. In this lifestyle of eat-sleep-windsurf, I think mostly windsurfing. I seldom daydreamed except when I was fatigued. I thought about what I want to achieve, how I can push myself more and further, I thought about the various techniques I need to work on and stayed alert to my goal. Knowing that I am still a foot-note in this region pushes me on…to train long & hard, it’s painful but worth it. I celebrate the fact that I am given the opportunities to extend my horizons, to push further my pain barriers and crash beyond current physical/emotional limits. There is a sort of indescribable peace in the simplicity of my dedication. I appreciated the single-mindedness of training hard during the day and holing up in my bed at night. To give up means to go back to work, which is a much easier way out because professional windsurfing is a hard, hard job (if there’s even a salary). To press on means I have to endure pain in every inch of my body, everyday. To push through barriers means I press on in moments when I feel I’m about to crash and to punish my body even harder when I don’t even have an ounce of strength left. As long as I have goals to work for, I’ll always have the fuel to drive me on & up. I can be told I only have a 1% chance to win, but I have to believe and I have to fight!! When I believe and I try, I’ll realize that I’m much better than I know; that I have unrealized capacities that sometimes only emerge in crisis. This is what drives me on…living for this cause; pursuing God’s call & knowing Him more intimately every moment. 14 May 2001, Monday: Journey to Shantou from Shanwei to visit my distant relatives: They were all so happy to see me…some were in tears. I’ve not done something like this for anyone but for Mom. It was a tumultuous journey to begin with…when uncle was telling everyone how I am ‘wu sim’ (got heart), I was kinda emotionless. Coz I din go there coz I really miss them or really want to see them. For goodness’ sake, I wasn’t born when they were in S’pore. Moreover, my generation will be the lost world. I went there coz I know Mom will be happy. That’s all! In fact, when I was there, I didn’t feel any emotion nor feeling of intimacy with any of them. Logically, I know that the cousins, uncles, aunties are all directly related to me. There’s definitely a gap. I felt more like a tourist than anything else…I was intrigued by the pigs, the photos, the ancestors’ stuff, the ‘living room’ (which they told me is the best place in the hse), the furniture, the lifestyle etc…I was really nothing more than a sociologist, perhaps. Interested in their lifestyle, thoughts, ideals etc…but I felt bad that they felt emotional towards me…I cannot augur any emotion in me, not towards my cousins too. My journey to Shantou was very exciting. Ahaha…after I reached the Shanwei bus depot, I was touted by many men, some on motorbikes & others on foot. They asked where I’m going etc…I told them. Immediately one of them told me he can get me to the bus, comfortable etc…private bus somemore. Only $80. (I know it only costs $45). Then he came on his motorbike but I refused…thinking I have to sit on the rickety bike for 3 hrs. He claimed that he’s only sending me to catch the bus. Somehow, with other rough men, they bundled me up the bike, together with many other men pushing me along…I got up, sititng sideways in my denim skirt & big haversack (containing the few kgs of tidbits & 2 pieces of clothing for the night). I sat on it for 15 min…I kept asking him if he’s for real, where he’s bringing me to, knowing that he’s lying etc…then we alighted & he made me climb this little hill…up on to the expressway itself. Well, we stood on the x’way waiting…under the hot sun…waiting…for a passing bus to shantou. I didn’t quite know how the real bus looks like but I was oredi in a ‘fix’. He told me to prepare the $80…but I said I’ll only pay when I’m in the bus. A few buses didn’t stop. Then finally the most dirty looking and rickety bus stopped…he paid the rough guy some $$ & I got up. Meanwhile, he pulled me down, asking me for his $$. I took out a handful of $$, containing only $44 & gave it to him while forcefully making my way up the bus while he was still pulling me down. Then he counted & realized that it was less than what he was supposed to receive. The bus moved off & I saw him running hard after the bus, shouting for his $$. Aha!! No way I’m getting tricked by him k…cheating me of $ & making me wait under the hot sun for passing bus. I was already cheated by this man. Anyway, I immediately confirmed if the bus was going to Shantou. It was a passing bus that goes to many places, Shantou being one of them…& u can drop anywhere u like. I saw many pple alighting on expressways. Strange. The guys in the bus were out of this world…not the common china man…too rough & dirty. Ahah…the guy accompanying the driver ignored all my questions. I still didn’t know where the bus is alighting me in Shantou. Shantou is real big. Anyway, the seats were actually beds, very narrow & double-decked, real dirty & crude. From the outside, it looks worse than a prison. Ahaha…but I never knew I could be on one. I juz sat upright, sideways, behind the driver thru’ out the 2 ½ hr journey. The guy would juz spit out of the window, or splash the tea water on the floor leading to the door. Everything will go there…aiyah, very dirty lah. The ride was very rough…so are the people. I knew everyone was staring at me. Finally, 1 hr to Shantou, this man came to the front & spoke to me in Teochew. He was helpful & asked me where I’m going. I didn’t know where to alight etc…I called 3rd uncle & put him on the line with this man. They arranged to drop me off at the train station & told the driver. THANK GOD!! 17 May 2001, Thursday We had our ‘SEA Games selections’ AGAIN…and I dare say it’s the worst selections I ever had coz we had 7 races in one afternoon from 1:30 p.m. to 5:30 p.m. Back to back (one immediately after another; no rest) races in 10-15 kts wind, half-mast waves…by the 6th & 7th races, I was pooped & fell in several times. I had done well in the first 4 races, finishing juz less than 10m after Meng in the first few races. I didn’t expect to have so many races so I worked my heart out in the first few…and got too tired by the 5th race. Andrew sat out the 6th & 7th races & QH took over his board. And the best part is, the race course was HUGE…Olympic size…we couldn’t see the buoys from anywhere except nearing the mark itself. Not to mention trying to spot the Upwind mark at the Start line. It was a trying day for me…we also had land trg at 6:30 a.m. yesterday as well, doing 3 sets of pumping, sit-ups/back extension & frog jumps. We rested in the morning…in fact, lying in bed till lunch-time. Got down to beach at 12+ p.m. & back in hotel at 6 p.m. Ching decided to sleep at 8:10 p.m. while I was trying to get out of reality (ouch!) by watching Doraemon. I followed suit & woke up only at 7 a.m. QH gave us a break for the morning today…yay!!! Even now, we r still lying/sitting in bed, our backs too sore to enable us to move around much. I’ve had a cup of coffee, some biscuits & drinking cereal now…oh, and having my facial mask on. Hehe… 22 May 2001, Tuesday 13 days away from being home-sweet-home again. What a wait…3 of us are counting down day by day…missing home & talking about what we want to do when we are home. We were in Guangzhou the last 2 days, staying one night at the airport hotel (bagus!!!), giving us an excellent excuse to take a break while sending our pals off. We really pampered ourselves coz it cost us $438 a night & we took 2 rooms. We are spoilt now…returning ‘home’ to our crappy hotel took some getting-used-to. Ahaha… Shopping in Guangzhou was quite alritez…I thought I would not need to spend much here…true but not in GZ. Hence I borrowed money from Jon for shopping & we call him Ah Long ‘Seng’ now (coz his surname is Seng). Ahahaha…so many stuff to buy & feeling so happy. I bought myself a pair of Teva sandals, a pair of Merrell trekking shoes , VCDs (Driven; Enemy at the Gates, Lao Fu Zi & Pay It Forward) & 2 Giordano tops. I also bought a pink Minnie Mouse air sofa for Ruth & Joan (my lovely nieces). Ahahaha…I’m sooooooooo happy with my best-buys…hehehe…& secretly proud of myself for getting them at such bargains & yet, they are genuine stuff. I was intrigued by the 45 degrees print on the Merrell shoes (my boyfriend’s sail no. is 45) which thoroughly matches my 37 degrees board shorts. We went for non-Chinese food while we were there…ate Mac’s & Pizza Hut. Ordered pizzas & spaghetti, chocolate drinks, Cappucino etc…wonderful!! Makes all the suffering more worthwhile after all. On our return journey back ‘home’, we endured a 4-5 hrs long bumpy bus ride with a flood jam towards the end. It was spectacular & I was so engrossed I forgot to take pictures. The flood was a sight, as we saw china-men cycling in knee-high floods, with one hand holding an umbrella (it was raining). These people are very fit indeed! Ahaha…moreover, my coach-mate was not the more considerate sort of girl. She would jab me in my side everytime she reaches into her bag for more melon seeds. And when she talks on her mobile phone, I would instinctively veer away from her as she’s practically SHOUTING into the phone. At times, she would take out her bracelet and start thumbing on the beads. Yes, she must be a Buddhist. And she must have been worshipping the ‘karate’ Buddha-of-Fury or she wouldn’t have known how to jab coach-mates in their sides. After some time, I would lean away from her as her legs begin to widen and her arms start to open up…I figured she could be feeling warm and hence, airing her underarms. *evil grin* J Btw, 3 of us were seated on the first front seats. We were also entertained to Chinese Karaoke. I had a double bonus treat!! My coach-mate was singing along to the Father-Mother songs. They love songs with father, mother, nature themes. Titles range from ‘My mother’s sheep-skin coat’, ‘The Mongolians’ to ‘My most wonderful Father’. My coach-mate apparently is an ‘IN’ girl as she knows all the songs and I could hear the audible singing from my left. Scenes always include the sky, sea, buffaloes, naked young boys splashing in the rivers, Sheep, Mongolians and family scenes. If not for the spectacular flood, I would have been bored from the Karaoke songs & my coach-mate.

CHINA TRAINING 15 APRIL ¨C 5 JUNE Monday, April 15 2001: QH found a hotel for us...already one of the better budgeted ones but still crappy. Let's mention that there's no use for the phone since we can't call out or use it for the internet, there's no cleaning services at all since we paid at a 'discounted' rate. Then, the TV is blur, no kettle etc...some of the plugs don't work so i can't boil water initially. I resorted to buying a scrub and scrubbing clean the bathroom...and tried clearing the remnants (cigarette butts, stuck hair, dirt etc) of the previous guest. It proved to be futile so we bought cheap slippers to wear in the room. We went out this morning and came back with pails for every room, washing powder, clothes hangers, china slippers etc...I spent all my free time cleaning the room and arranging/airing furniture. I feel like I'm a chambermaid now. But crappy hotels do have its positives...they let us leave our equipment at the entrance and we rigged up at the hotel compound this morning. Then we carried the sail/board and walked about 200m to the training site, having to watch out for 'horny' vehicles along the way. It was quite exciting. I never tried walking so far with my board & sail b4 in typical china traffic... Monday Afternoon: We set sail this afternoon after settling many matters in the morn...we were about the only ones out on water today. All the other elite sailors were resting and engaged in land training later since the wind was considered 'too light'. We sailed with several Shandong Junior sailors, very young kids...it was about 5-7 knots and the waves were already knee high and more. At times, I could only see Andrew's mop of hair...My first upwind was a mess because I can't quite point with such big waves. You also do not want to fall into water since the no. of jellyfish there is, trust me, much more than what Penang has to offer. They are also HUGE jellyfish which you don't want to mess with. Downwind legs are really thrilling as the rollers can get very high and sometimes nothing at all. When the wind is about 20-30+ knots, the sailors say the waves are more than mast high...and very cold. Yup, the water is cold...about 17 degrees i think. I can't wait to try the more-than-mast-high waves & 30 over knots wind... The China Olympics is postponed to 21 April. Guess what? Chujun and the rest who were training on shortboard have all switched to Formula racing. They are into NP sails and Starboard. Wow!! What are we waiting for...Oh yes, when we came back to shore, the sailors were all into their land training. Wow...As usual, i felt that we looked like blobs of walking fat when i saw their lean, muscled bodies. In fact, andrew was rite when he said we look more like coaches since we r 'fat'. ahaha...The girls were using weights which our strongest guys used and their guys were using weights which our strongest guys never used before. I think QH is being ambitious when he said we can share their weights etc...they are simply of weight-lifting standards. We are set to start on the 'pumping machine' tomorrow at 6:30 a.m. :) Tuesday 16 April 2001: We had our first proper training today. 3 parts to our training today. we started at 6:30 a.m. & found the whole place infested with sailors running. we did a 3-4 km run for warm-up and proceeded to do 3 sets x 3 min of pumping on the pumping machine. wow...my first time and it was a good trial. There, QH pointed out our mistakes & etc...i FINALLY totally understood it. we intend to go back s'pore & get some welder to craft it out...it really helps a lot. then we proceeded to breakfast at 7+ a.m. we rested for an hr b4 we r out at 9 a.m. for part 2. we ran again for warm up...the same distance. then we did 4 sets of painful ex. 1) the hanging grip 4 x 2 min. all 3 of us drop down from the thick, rusty bar abt the same no. of times. very tough. ahahaha...the chinese sailors really hv forearms as big as my biceps. 2) squats 4 x 50 reps. 3) 4 x 3 min of pumping on the machine. it was very tiring. we went for lunch. rested for a while and at 12+ p.m., rigged up and went out to sea. My upwind & downwind improved by leaps & bounds indeed coz i now got my pumping technique correct after trying it out so intensively on the pumping machine. soon, abt 40 over sailors joined us so now, it's like a mini china open. 20 April 2001, Friday For some reason, I juz could not use the GRIC in shanwei. QH asked one of his zhejiang gals to bring me to the Internet caf¨¦ in a town nearby. So I resorted to saving all my emails in a disk & copy/paste on the emails to send out. So, I¡¯ll be saving all my emails in Word doc & pasting on emails. Sorry the emails I sent were all messy & everything. We went there abt 9 p.m. & the shop was closing at 10 p.m. Plus, I didn¡¯t want to go back too late as I was alone. I asked Weiyuan (the ZJ gal to go back first coz their bed-time is 9:30 p.m.). I was done at 10 odd and caught a ¡®beep beep¡¯ motorbike only abt 10 min later & it was almost a ghost town. Then I saw a ¡®beep beep¡¯ (the local small motor ¡®taxi¡¯) but he initially didn¡¯t want to take me as he was sending 2 of his children home. But I was desperate and it was pitch black liao¡­hehe, he took me & I sat beside his kid and the other younger one was under my feet. Ahahaha¡­it was really funny!! I put my arm across the kid beside me as he looked like he was flying off already. I felt worried for him. Only abt 1 year plus¡­and the bike ride was rough. I tipped the driver oso. I felt exceptionally grateful when I reached our hotel; I looked around at the quiet dark streets and imagined some Chinese pontianaks jumping out from the bushes; some mad men looking for rape victims or wild dogs devouring me for supper. Ahaha¡­Nah, I wasn¡¯t scared lah¡­juz can¡¯t help keeping my imagination from running wild. I muz tell myself NOT to think too much; my classic flaw. We are done with Part 1 trg 2day and we are pardoned from the Part 2 as there is no wind. Hot air is building up & unlike S¡¯pore, the weather works differently. We did our warm-up run and then 3 sets of 3 min pumping. I was punctured right from Set 1; simply too worn out from y¡¯day¡¯s long training. This morning, Andrew went ¡°GOOD!!! No wind¡­aching sia!!¡± I¡¯m glad I¡¯m not the only one¡­but they were not as bad as me on the pumping machine. QH said we had persevered for quite some days already so we deserve the rest this morning. We¡¯ll sail only this afternoon. You don¡¯t know how RELIEVED I am¡­I had my DIY facial mask on now, might as well, I saw 2 pimples threatening to manifest on my face. Finally, I have time to sit down and have coffee. This is my first cup of coffee since I reached here as we always have 3 trgs a day. Phew!! ³ÔÁË¿àÖп࣬·½ÉÏÁ콱̨¡£ 27 April 2001, Friday San San has just won the China Olympics Selections. She crossed the finish line about 15 min ago at 4+ p.m. 27 April. I was on the boat watching the races. She was phenomenal!! I have definitely found my favourite sailor and ¡®idol¡¯ now¡­no doubt about it. Ahhaa¡­she beat Huang Ying to it and I can¡¯t wait to know the final results in October. That will be really exciting. 2 months and 16 days into my full-time training since 8 Feb, I think I¡¯ve changed a great deal as a sailor. We¡¯ve had winds ranging from Force 1 to Force 5, flat water to waves as big as ¾ mast high since we came. It¡¯s really exciting¡­I¡¯ve not seen anything like this. San San is superb in strong strong winds and she¡¯s really pulled back into fifth gear in today¡¯s 3rd race (1st) after getting 5th in the first 2 races today. She was lagging behind Huang Ying by one point with a last race to go¡­She¡¯s definitely won it and delivered yet again. Watching it was inspiring and energizing while the men¡¯s races were superhuman. They raced like there was no tomorrow! Ahaha¡­The wind ranged from 8-12 knots, measured by your SWF wind gauge. Yesterday we¡¯ve had winds 18-22 kts in the 3rd race and lighter winds in the first 2 races. The sailors can rest now¡­finally! It was as competitive as the Olympics, changing leaders every single day in every race. QH made me so tired yesterday¡­I was aching so badly and so tired that I slept from 8:30 p.m. till 7 a.m. this morning. Guess wat?? QH fell sick today¡­he¡¯s paralysed in bed the whole day today while we were on the Zhejiang boat watching the last races. He had apparently caught a cold when he went out on Andrew¡¯s equipment y¡¯day in the Force 5 winds¡­hehe, I told Zhou Zihou & Shi Dong that we made him so angry he fell sick. Hehe¡­these 2 Hainan coaches are the funniest characters I¡¯ve seen here. They would always survive mast-high waves in their tiny rubber dinghy. They¡¯re the best! Ahaha¡­the Zhejiang coach would also like to speed on his old, tattered powerboat and shooting right up to shore with a swoosh! Ahaha¡­ Was pooped out y¡¯day. Never felt so tired in my life, not even during Singapore Open, not on my normal trgs¡­slept at 8:30 p.m. till 7 a.m. this morning. Totally aching and in pain¡­every inch of my body cries out in protest and suffering. It has been blowing the last few days we¡¯ve been sent out to the slaugher. Yesterday we skipped the 6:30 a.m. trg coz QH wanted us to reserve energy for the 9 a.m. & afternoon trg. And I thought he was being merciful¡­yikes!! We sailed in 13-15 kts wind from 9:00 a.m. till 12:30 p.m. The waves were big, already about half-3/4 mast high (1.5 metres) in this considerably light wind condition. Hence, it was tiring having to control and fly through waves etc¡­and I finally discovered what is ¡®planing¡¯. I¡¯m definitely planning faster than ever¡­discovering a grace I never felt b4. The feeling is so amazingly fulfilling. Planing has never felt so streamlined, beautiful¡­riding waves has never been so thrilling and fun¡­ I must have eaten 5-6 bowls of rice during lunch¡­NO JOKE¡­I really ate so much! Then after we went back to the hotel, I juz can¡¯t help but fall asleep, even if it was for half an hour b4 I went out again at 3 p.m. This time, I dragged myself to the beach. Whitecaps everywhere and I was cold from the cold wind blowing right into my nostrils. My wetsuit did not feel thick enough¡­it was blowing Force 5¡­18-22 kts wif nice big waves. I was still VERY VERY tired¡­I was numb to the point that I didn¡¯t have the strength to tell Coach if I can skip the afternoon. Sighz¡­but I started laughing when I couldn¡¯t push in my batten coz I started trembling in fatigue. Ahaha¡­he helped me rig up and there I went¡­into the torture chambers. I didn¡¯t get slammed and I did enjoy flying thru¡¯ the waves and planning at high speeds on the reach¡­upwind was painful as I¡¯m juz not so adept at it yet. I hope VERY SOON, I can sail in winds up to 30 kts in ease. If Huang Ying & Masako can do it, why not me? Today QH let us rest for the morning. Juz came back from tim-sum breakfast. I¡¯m too tired to do anything anyway¡­juz feel like sleeping thru¡¯¡­I dunno if I can tahan the afternoon session. Actually, I really quite miss home. It¡¯s my 13th day here and I cannot quite imagine another 37 days here, knowing trg load will intensify daily. I don¡¯t want to think abt the pain and fear, gotta take one day as it comes!! Fear will drive out all my energy. Our return flight is on 5 June. And we are not done with April yet, oh man¡­help!! Li Ke (QH¡¯s wife, also ex Asian Games champ & 4th in 1996 Olympics) said a good athlete will do more than what the Coach set out¡­but I can¡¯t even say I can cruise thru¡¯ what was planned out, how can I do more¡­ Well, now that I¡¯ve been thru¡¯ this, there¡¯s nothing else I cannot endure! Really¡­I can tahan all the ¡®ku¡¯ anyone can throw my way. It¡¯s 9: 12 a.m. now¡­so tired¡­gonna sleep again! All the daily trgs in S¡¯pore (while I was full-time) added together are still not enough to tire me as the trgs here could for one day. Saturday, 28 April Ker wan has been playing golf over the weekends at Shanghai while he was here for work. I was jealous. Ahaha¡­.China tv here is showing lotsa Beijing 2008 Olympics¡­wow¡­they are really serious about it and I¡¯m already feeling inspired. I spent the aftn today in Huang Ying¡¯s room. She was the 1998 Asian Games medallist (lost to san san) plus Huang Ying was telling me about her races wif san san and when I hear the same story from diff sailors, I tend to learn a lot. But I¡¯ll always ask QH to comment on anything I learn as I don¡¯t want to contradict his teaching. Even Li Ke¡¯s comments are good. However I¡¯m not confident of the fotos I took out at sea as the boat shakes A LOT¡­coz of the big waves¡­I bet most of them would be blur¡­can¡¯t help it. But I hope some of them will turn out nice nonetheless. Now that we¡¯ve rested for 2 days in a row, I hope we¡¯ll train tomorrow actually. With every new thing I learn everyday, I can¡¯t wait to go out to sea to practise or to manifest in spirit during land training. I also hope to challenge my endurance & determination everyday in training; be it in pushing through higher limits or doing an extra rep or doing the last rep stronger than b4. I told Li Ke that at this moment, we can¡¯t dream of doing 6 sets when coach orders 4 sets coz I would be struggling with the 4th set. Ahaha..but I said I¡¯ll try when I¡¯ve reached a comfortable fitness level. Ahaha¡­but most importantly, I¡¯m learning the athlete¡¯s attitude¡­which is to really be mechanic about training and do w/o complaints, to push through despite feeling that I¡¯m about to die. 30 April, Monday It¡¯s 11 a.m. now & Juz done with Parts 1 & 2 of trg 2day. Oh man¡­it¡¯s painful! For the early morning ex, I went thru¡¯ it still feeling the hangover fr last nite¡¯s drinking. Last night, I struggled back to hotel & puked my entire dinner out in the toilet. They juz like to ¡®gan bei¡¯ everything & I had kenna a few drinks incl one cup of red wine concoction which was lighter than the normal beer. So I was KO last nite but woken up by the darn mosquitoes several times. Oh yes, it was in the midst of drinking that I called home to say ¡®hi¡¯. J For part 2 trg, I saw the entire comet family, incl the many stars, sun & moon. Ahaha¡­we had 3 days¡¯ rest & now we are paying for it. We did 4 sets at the 9 a.m. part 2 trg of 3 ex, not incl a warm-up run, (many times) sprints while weaving in/out of unruly traffic & minimizing inhalation of carbon monoxide. Then we had the pumping ex, abs & frog jump. I even conversed with the stars, counting how many there were in broad daylight. Many times I juz want to crumble onto the grass but get scolded by QH to stand up. I oso ate lotsa tidbits so I¡¯m paying for it now. There¡¯s not much wind now but I figure we¡¯ll definitely go out & do a few hrs of hard pumping. It seems that we are forever struggling with each day¡¯s trg coz I realized that QH is adding an extra set to each day¡¯s program, hence pushing us. I think to be positive, my fitness is definitely improving coz I can do every ex properly, reducing rest time & doing each ex harder. QH is out to make us so fatigued that when we rest b4 a race, we can spring to a higher dimension of fitness. I was juz commenting to QH that zhejiang girls¡¯ forearms r very big; I think same size as Andrew¡¯s¡­juz look very thick. All of them are about 60+ kgs, tall oso. This morning, we saw them do 100 pull-ups¡­they can do as many sets as they want as long as they finish 100 reps. Wow¡­power! We still hv not kenna 100 pull-ups in our trg YET. Oh, this morn, QH was saying he muz train our tummies till ¡®mei mei¡¯, meaning lean & only abs, not blobs of fat. Ahaha¡­I was very happy to hear that. Coz all his athletes got nice 8 abs (guys). I think he¡¯s very determined¡­ I¡¯m feeling excited about training¡­coz the race is over & we can now focus on training, training, training¡­moreover, I went to Shanwei town y¡¯day. Bought a lot of tidbits for relatives as well as other stuff. Plus, I bought a regular XIAO DING DANG soft-toy for only RMB35. I¡¯m SO HAPPY to have xiao ding dang sleeping wif me every nite. Hehe¡­in Cantonese, he¡¯s called xiao ding dong! Hehe, like a mad guy. He¡¯s so fat & cute!! & he can fly when he puts up his aero-wings on his head!! It¡¯s 1 p.m. now¡­juz back from lunch. QH was saying that his hope is for me to get the breakthru¡¯, to get the GOLD¡­and for the boys to come back wif medals. They¡¯re too distant from the Thais & Indo guys¡­hence can only hope for a medal. QH urged me to have the confidence that I can get the gold as light wind conditions certainly favours me, my weight & height etc¡­ I¡¯m so excited!!!! I¡¯m growing to love training & pushing, knowing that EVERYDAY, I¡¯m pushing myself to a higher dimension; bettering myself; strengthening my character; trusting in God a little more & feeling His tangible grace day by day. I certainly miss church a great deal¡­I certainly miss the wonderful presence of God which I cannot get in such intensity here tho¡¯ I do have it when I worship Him. I¡¯m beginning to understand wat San San said abt me beginning to start LIVING when I start pro windsurfing. Coz all the time, we r pushing thru¡¯ limits & climbing to higher ones¡­it¡¯s up to me how much I want to suffer now & reap the rewards later. It¡¯s satisfying knowing that I¡¯m fully responsible for my own results, yet at the same time, scary. A good sailor will not give excuses for poor performance. If he didn¡¯t train hard, he won¡¯t get good results. Oh, did I tell u wat San San said to me juz b4 she left¡­On the prize-giving night, san san came up to me & talked to me¡­wow!!! Guess what she told me?? She told me to email her the SEA Games results & she says that she knows I can do it¡­get the gold & let her know I did it. I laughed in amazement at what she was saying & she juz nodded her head & said ¡®yes, I know u can¡­¡¯ & ¡®I saw u running hard that day¡¯ & then shook my hand. U can¡¯t imagine the encouragement I felt from that few sentences. Enough to pull me through the toughest times!! She¡¯s trained harder than anyone else to get the results she deserved!