The Conveyor Belt

Life is like a conveyor belt of Japanese food, moving the many dishes along. Each plate is a different colour, of different value, each covered with a transparent plastic, alluring one to uncover it, to taste it and to consume it. Each day, different events, people and situations pass our way…much like the dishes do…they move along like little floats at Chingay, enticing and alluring us to temptation. Try me, try me, as though it is calling out to us. Sometimes the dish we uncover is great, it makes us smile and is delicious. Another dish may look nice but taste horrid. We learnt through our experiences to uncover those that we know very well, part to protect and for pleasure. Along the way are the spices of life, the wasabe. These things titillate our senses and occasionally an overdose sets the nostrils tingling! We like it that way, don’t we? It may mean getting burnt, hurt or exposed, but we do it knowing full well the consequences. Call it courage or stupidity, there is little difference between the two. I prefer to call it impulse-the excuse word for forgetfulness to consult the mind and rationale. It is strange that we continually choose this path despite being hurt time and again. Perhaps one just wants to follow the heart? There is no need to explain why, is there? Today I was forced to uncover a dish I did not expect myself to, and it was not what I expected in it. I was also not ready to pay the price stated. But I had to. The dishes came all at once and my confused mind tried to grapple with all the favors-it was bitter, bitter and more bitter. I found myself choking inside, I don’t really know what to do, what to say and how to feel? I just felt like my heart got cut. It was a strange feeling. Does this mean so much to me? Most importantly, the reason is not what everyone thinks is. But I cannot begin to explain it, it will appear like a loser's excuse. I'd rather not. My life does not depend on it, I tried convincing myself. I guess it hurts as much to behold an item of great beauty and to see it go, knowing that I cannot own it. It is better to let it go now, than never. Now I wonder if I would allow myself the courage to be discovered again? It will bring upon vulnerability, hurt and betrayal. Again, the tender heart is bruised. I wonder how and when it could be healed and fit to go back onto the saddle again. Maybe not ever again…

End of the Ride

It has been 7 months exactly since I’ve started road cycling on 16 Dec ‘03. To say the least, it has been an eye-opener to my small world of road training and racing, and delving into the deepest emotions and minds of cyclists. Though it may be too short to call it a ‘career’, the extreme myriad of emotions, the intense way I pushed myself at trainings, picked myself up after I failed and talked myself out of depression after bad rides…all worth a good long chapter in my biography. The friends I made during this period were as diverse as the east is from the west, great as well as nasty. Everything in these 7 months is intense, extreme and deep. Emotions wreak havoc when I think about the kind of investment I made and I mean, in emotional terms. It is unbelievable, even to myself…sometimes I feel guilty, at times indifferent, other times convinced I allowed myself over-vulnerable. I felt sorry for myself. All that I did was sincere, impulsive, real and emotional. To say I lived with a carpe diem attitude alone is shallow as it carried more than just a ‘seize the day’ without an emotional investment. I allowed myself to be discovered, to be revealed and made vulnerable. Against all hope of cynicism and skepticism, I maintained a genuine heart of care and sincerity. This could not, however, resist the forces of hurt perceptions and seared hearts. I became a victim instead. It brought on much tears. Cycling was a unique journey that revealed a part of myself which I never saw. I never anticipated the scenery that I would see during this ride, the bumps along the way and the many crashes I experienced emotionally. It was never, never this deep. I had not quite experienced such an emotional depth as this in quite a long time. Call it chance, destiny, chemistry, connection or pure coincidence, the fireworks came and now it’s over. Perhaps it happened too fast, too deep and too intense for comfort. The untrained heart is unable to handle. The seared heart did not even notice a difference or the wound it caused. It had done this many times, and this adds to the record, that’s all. Today, I am thinking of ending this journey on wheels. I will stop riding. The journey must end here before it puts any more strain on the concerned persons. It should not have ended this way, it should not have, and need not have. I cannot think of a reason to carry on, and the very reasons I had started may be wrong reasons. But they were reasons strong enough to get me up at 4:25am training 4 times a week and giving my all for the races. These reasons yielded decent results. These very reasons are why I should stop riding. It is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the way the wheel is.

Blasphemy?

Have I been sacrilegious in calling my rides ‘sacred’? Sometimes I feel a tinge of guilt for doing that, because sometimes, the rides really aren’t quite sacred. And I mean it in every sense of the word ‘un-sacred’. You see, sometimes I am not all focused on the task at hand, i.e. riding. At other times, I am distracted by worldly desires and pressing issues. Yet at other times, I am purely selfish – this can include, riding to lose weight, riding to de-stress or riding to have something to do because my husband is yet again out of town. The blasphemy lies in the very twist of believing my rides are sacred when they aren’t (well, not always). The dynamics of human interaction, group behaviour and social communication just adds to that complexity. I observe the way the cyclists ride their bikes, it’s probably the same way they lead their lives. Being a hopeless romantic myself, I cannot help but enjoy the romance of dawn, totally at peace with my emotions. At other times, in total emotional disaster and disarray, and that’s probably when I am distracted, too quiet and ignoring the present company. Perhaps at times, I feel like I’ve lost the affection and attention I thought I used to have. Perhaps it is the tension of uncertainty, the very same tension that can bring about excitement and a certain high. Let’s just say that women are probably confused creatures, contradict ourselves, give mixed signals and sensitive at the wrong times. I’ve just proved it, didn’t I? SACA Road Race 2, Changi Business Park 4 April 2004 It seemed like ages since the first road race…it must had to do with my very erratic life since that day. I was a workaholic the moment March began, working overtime and overworked for a sports conference my department was organizing. It ended on 13 March, during which I fell ill, boss told me no way he can afford me taking sick leave…so I pressed on. 14 March was my birthday, yet another milestone, to mark incremental aging and depletion of youth. By then, I had not gone for my rides for 2 weeks because of work and the nagging illness/fatigue. I embarked on a painful comeback on Tuesday, 16 March. It wasn’t painful, I felt like dying. My legs were heavier than lead, my lungs were deflated and my will was weak. I gave up on myself, tears already forming in my eyes, threatening to roll down my cheeks. I told my teammate I needed to pick up my fitness b4 riding with the team again. The next day, I heard 2 new ‘babes’ joined the team for training. I skipped the ‘babe-watch’ and went for my own secret ride, fighting my ghost of failure alone. Then on Friday, 19 March, I came back riding with the team again, hoping I was in acceptable shape. Coach was riding with me the 2 laps of Changi, which I was totally grateful for. He wasn’t just there for me when I’m fit, he cared to ride and pull me when I’m down and slow. He also shared about how “Dynamics relates to how a rider constantly maximizes the bike and body efficiencies to match and produce maximum power or control over the constantly changing terrain encountered in cycling.” Whatever that meant, I figured it out for myself. It helped that I was in the analytical mode for speed-testing for my new windsurfing gear. Each session, I tuned my sail differently, analysed the effects of that day’s conditions on my sail, board and fin. I also changed new fins, shifted the mast track position, and tried as many permutations of gear combination with as many wind/wave conditions. My new sail is a model of North Sails called R Type, not to be confused with Honda Type R. R Type is an awesome sail, it’s like I had jumped from a 1.6litre car to a 3litre car without being fitted with an equivalent engine. I did not have the weight to hold down the power, especially when the wind picks up. I had to tweak with the tuning and change different fins to manage the differences. You see, fins are like wheels. It’s the only contact with the water and it’s very very important. Since I started riding, I kept a diary, only include the mileage for each ride after the SACA Road Race 1 coz it was then that I learnt how to use the speedo to clock each ride’s distance. By the time I applied my understanding of speed dynamics from windsurfing to cycling, and making adjustments to the way I ride. On my 29th ride on 29 March, (how significant), I felt the improvement. I endeavoured to maintain and stabilize that new-found riding style. I wasn’t confident that I managed a breakthrough in my riding, hence not able to decide if I was going to race on 4 April. Then I thought I should just race to be there to support my team and be a good sport. Told coach I was racing the day (3 April) before race day. I turned up on race day and there goes…looking forward to more riding…Waves and wheels are great!

Life is...

Life is… "An athlete has to somehow figure out how to enrich the people around him, and not just himself. Otherwise, he's purposeless." - Lance Armstrong (Every Second Counts, page 211) Awfully true…it doesn’t sound so true until the fragility of life hits you in the face. Fresh from a series of races in both Formula and Shortboard, I was still high from the adrenaline treats racing and competing when a friend called to bring me sombre news. A friend had committed suicide and we are invited to the funeral wake. * crash * She is 23 and approaching the prime of her youth. I asked ‘why?’ and it seems, no one knows. Vera had always put on a cheerful disposition, despite me not being a close friend to her, I knew her from church youth ministry. I could not believe and I do not want to believe. It is too surreal. Everything I was doing at that time seems trivial, the windsurfing races, the career, the business, the gossip talks…what had appeared important immediately loses its primary value when juxtaposed with something of immeasurable value, Life. I would do anything to help a friend embrace hope again, I would give everything to have a friend to feel love again, and I would do anything to have a friend Live again… I wonder what is the best way to live life? How should we live life such that it is truly meaningful? Each person’s definition of ‘meaning’ and ‘life’ differs so greatly that one may murder to feel powerful and the other indulges in full-time missionary work to help the less fortunate. I do not have an answer but I figure that as long as someone is in need of love, I would give. If someone needs a lunch, I will buy. If someone needs a hug, I would embrace. If someone need a listening ear, I will be there. I guess that’s all I can do…

Asian Windsurfing Tour 2004

Press Release Courtesy Andrew Owen Adecco Asian Windsurfing Tour, Presented by Fosters The 10th Mana Mana Amslam, Presented by Neil Pryde 29-31 January 2004 Date: 5 February 2004 Two races were run today to open the 10th Mana Mana Amslam, the fourth event on the Adecco Asian Windsurfing Tour, presented by Foster’s. Defending Champion Robbie Radis from Australia took the first race but in the second he was beaten by Korea’s Yoon Sung Soo. At the end of the day Radis leads ahead of a consistent Bo Ruamsap of Thailand with Yoon in third. Every windsurfer knows the wind gods can be both fickle and cruel. For hours today the fleet of international windsurfers sat on a beach, albeit a beautiful one, and watched as the wind speed hovered just below an acceptable minimum. Every now and then gusts would arrive and a murmur would travel around the beach. But the murmurs would subside with the beach flags. Finally in mid afternoon the teasing was over and the fleet was able to take to the water. Wind speeds still hung at around 12 knots, a very gentle breeze, but just enough to start this year’s Mana Mana Amslam. This is the 10th year of the event and it has grown in both size and reputation. 46 competitors from 10 countries are competing for the title champion – and for the points they will receive towards the Adecco Asian Windsurfing Tour Title. Going in to this event defending Adecco AWT Champion Robbie Radis from Australia is looking strong ahead of Korea’s Yoon Sung Soo and the UK’s Paul Philips. Other sailors to watch at this years Mana Mana Amslam will be Singaporean champion Andrew Foo and Thailand’s Bo Ruamsap (an Asian games Gold Medallist). In the ladies division Singapore’s Rachel Ng goes head to head again with Japan’s Ayako Suzuki. Windsurf racing is quite simple with the fleet of sailors crossing the start line as a clock reaches “zero” and racers travelling around a series of buoys or marks before crossing a finish line. The first across the line wins…. And the first race was a simple “Speed Dash” out to sea, around one mark and back to the finish line near shore. Across the start line it was clear that Radis, racing on his largest Neil Pryde RS4 race sail, had the board speed to win. But both Ruamsap and Yoon maintained contact but they could not really threaten a dominant Radis. A strong first race and perhaps a little daunting for the rest of the fleet. But the second race of the day was different. Yoon, who is also racing on the new RS4 sails, was also powered up and this time rounded the first mark ahead of both Ruamsap and Radis. The Australian was clearly not invincible and although Radis recovered into second position the victory was Yoon’s. Said Yoon “I am very happy to beat Robbie in the race. That first race showed that he has good speed and that he is in form. But I managed to beat him to the first mark and that was the key. We have two more days of racing and I’m still in third place behind both Robbie and Bo so I cannot get carried away.” Tonight the fleet travels north on Bintan to the Club Med resort for another night of partying on the Adecco AWT and racing will continue tomorrow. Stronger winds are forecast with those fickle wind gods saving the best until Saturday. Date: 6 February 2004 In another day of light winds only one slalom race was held today at the Mana Mana Amslam on Bintan, Indonesia. Winning the race was the familiar face of Robbie Radis from Australia while behind him was Korea’s Yoon Sung Soo and Thailand’s Bo Ruamsap. In fourth was Wang Yew Pang of Singapore. Rachel Ng (Singapore) meanwhile continued her incredible form to finish eighth in the race, beating all the women and most of the men. A challenging slalom course was set by Race Directors Klaus Michel and Ho Kah Soon. The 46-man fleet had to travel downwind around three marks before crossing the finish line off Mana Mana’s pristine white sands. Wind speeds were very gentle at 12 knots, occasionally gusting higher. It was plain that some of the fleet on smaller boards and smaller sails were struggling to get any momentum as they worked their way upwind to the startline. As the clock hit zero and the race began Radis burst across the line but was surrounded by a close pack of chasing sailors. Foremost amongst them was Singapore’s Wang Yew Pang and TC Chua with Bo Ruamsap snapping at their heals. Korea’s Yoon Sung Soo had had a bad start and was behind the consistently impressive Rachel Ng. Ayako Suzuki meanwhile, was again struggling for board speed and lagged behind. Around the first mark Yoon carved inside of Ruamsap and Ng and jumped up the fleet. As he hit the second mark he had overtaken Chua and was closing in on Wang. Plainly Yoon wanted to go all the way after his victory in the previous race. By the third and final mark Yoon had passed Wang to take second spot and he now focused on Radis, the Australian champion. But Radis was too fast and too far ahead and Yoon had to settle for second with Ruamsap again in third ahead of Wang in fourth. A smiling Ng crossed in eighth while Suzuki languished far back in the fleet. Date: 6 February 2004 Radis was now looking more secure at the top of the leader board with one more day of racing remaining “after losing that last race to Yoon I needed this and with only one race run today it was doubly important. I’ve got a slim 4 point lead at the moment so I can’t rest. But I’m happy”. Ng leads the ladies division comfortably and is showing many of the men how to sail “well I’m very proud of my sailing so far and it’s good to be in eighth. But in such light winds I do have a bit of an advantage because of my light weight. Certainly I think that Ayako is struggling a bit with the light conditions –but I’m used to this and I’m loving it.” Tonight there is a Foster’s Party at Mana Mana Beach Club as the Amslam celebrates it’s 10th anniversary and racing will continue tomorrow (Saturday) before the crowning of the new champion tomorrow night. Press Release Adecco Asian Windsurfing Tour, Presented by Fosters courtesy Andrew Owen, Proteus Sports The 10th Mana Mana Amslam, Presented by Neil Pryde 29-31 January 2004 In another day of light winds only one slalom race was held today at the Mana Mana Amslam on Bintan, Indonesia. Winning the race was the familiar face of Robbie Radis from Australia while behind him was Korea’s Yoon Sung Soo and Thailand’s Bo Ruamsap. In fourth was Wang Yew Pang of Singapore. Rachel Ng (Singapore) meanwhile continued her incredible form to finish eighth in the race, beating all the women and most of the men. A challenging slalom course was set by Race Directors Klaus Michel and Ho Kah Soon. The 46-man fleet had to travel downwind around three marks before crossing the finish line off Mana Mana’s pristine white sands. Wind speeds were very gentle at 12 knots, occasionally gusting higher. It was plain that some of the fleet on smaller boards and smaller sails were struggling to get any momentum as they worked their way upwind to the startline. As the clock hit zero and the race began Radis burst across the line but was surrounded by a close pack of chasing sailors. Foremost amongst them was Singapore’s Wang Yew Pang and TC Chua with Bo Ruamsap snapping at their heals. Korea’s Yoon Sung Soo had had a bad start and was behind the consistently impressive Rachel Ng. Ayako Suzuki meanwhile, was again struggling for board speed and lagged behind. Around the first mark Yoon carved inside of Ruamsap and Ng and jumped up the fleet. As he hit the second mark he had overtaken Chua and was closing in on Wang. Plainly Yoon wanted to go all the way after his victory in the previous race. By the third and final mark Yoon had passed Wang to take second spot and he now focused on Radis, the Australian champion. But Radis was too fast and too far ahead and Yoon had to settle for second with Ruamsap again in third ahead of Wang in fourth. A smiling Ng crossed in eighth while Suzuki languished far back in the fleet. Radis was now looking more secure at the top of the leader board with one more day of racing remaining “after losing that last race to Yoon I needed this and with only one race run today it was doubly important. I’ve got a slim 4 point lead at the moment so I can’t rest. But I’m happy”. Ng leads the ladies division comfortably and is showing many of the men how to sail “well I’m very proud of my sailing so far and it’s good to be in eighth. But in such light winds I do have a bit of an advantage because of my light weight. Certainly I think that Ayako is struggling a bit with the light conditions –but I’m used to this and I’m loving it.” Tonight there is a Foster’s Party at Mana Mana Beach Club as the Amslam celebrates it’s 10th anniversary and racing will continue tomorrow (Saturday) before the crowning of the new champion tomorrow night. Japan’s Ayako Suzuki (centre), so far unbeaten on the Adecco Asian Windsurfing Tour, is fighting a losing battle against Singpapore’s Rachel Ng. Rachel is not only winning the ladies division but lies in eighth position overall. Date: 7 February 2004 Winds roared into Bintan today clocking up to 21 knots and in perfect conditions five full rounds of racing were run. After four days of competition Robbie Radis was once again crowned champion of the Mana Mana Amslam. The battle for second place raged all day with Singapore’s TC Chua challenging Korea’s Yoon Sung Soo and Thailand’s Bo Ruamsap. In the last races of the day Yoon managed to clinch the second place ahead of Ruamsap and Chua had to settle for fourth. Bintan was alive with activity very early today (Saturday) as winds roared in from the South China Sea. These were the conditions that everyone had been waiting (and praying) for. With wind speeds hovering around 20 knots all day and a generous sea swell the conditions were challenging. And with some frustrating light wind days preceeding this, the Race Directors had a hard day planned for the 46-man fleet. Going into this final day of racing Robbie Radis was looking comfortable at the top of the leaderboard while beneath him the struggle was furious. No favourites could be found between Korea’s Yoon Sung Soo, Thailand’s Bo Ruamsap and Singaporean sailors TC Chua, Andrew Foo and Wang Yew Pang. In the second race of the day TC Chua of Singapore showed a startling return to form finishing second ahead of Ruamsap and Andrew Foo. But then it was time for Yoon to stake his claim, this time finishing second ahead of Chua and Ruamsap. Now, after seven races only a quarter of a point separated Yoon and Ruamsap with Chua close behind. Said Chua before the race “well we have to accept that we can’t catch Radis this time. His gear is well tuned, he is fit – and he’s been to every stop on the Tour of course. But we have a fight on for second place. After recent injury worries I’m just pleased to be out there being competitive”. Yoon was more fired up saying “I just need to finish ahead of Bo (Ruamsap) and I’ll be confirmed in second place. I am going fast and I’m confident. But there’s many good sailors out there and the conditions are hard. All I know for sure is that I’ll try my best”. Across the start line all the top sailors crossed as a pack and it was still unclear who was in the lead as they descended upon the first mark. And it was Yoon ahead of Chua and Englishman Paul Philips. Ruamsap had slipped to fifth. And with everyone keyed up and flying he would have to rely on the mistakes of others. And despite the strong winds and huge swells no mistakes were made and across the line it was Radis from a jubilant Yoon, a resurgent Chua, a surprised Philips and finally a frustrated Ruamsap. There was one more race run and some of the lower places would still be settled but the top of the leader board remained the same. Radis is crowned champion again with Yoon in second, Ruamsap in third with Chua settling for fourth. Said Radis “I’m really happy to be champion here again. This is the first ever event on the Adecco AWT that I ever won and it’s special for me. We had such good conditions today that the light wind days before are all forgotten and the discards remove all the luck or chance from the result. It’s been a fantastic event and the competition has been tough. The event is getting bigger and more international and I look forward to defending my title next year. Meantime I’m now off to Saipan for the final event on the Tour – and I’ll be looking for the same result there.” The ladies division had been looking one-dimensional until today with Rachel Ng not just beating the women, but also many of the men. But today, in the higher winds, Japan’s Ayako Suzuki saw a return to form that pushed Ng back into second in the ladies. Suzuki finished an incredible 6th overall, while Ng finished in 16th overall. In other divisions Leo Leow from Malaysia won the Masters (over 40) while Tsuneoka Masahiro from Japan won the Grand Masters (over 55). The Adecco Asian Windsurfing Tour, presented by Foster’s, now heads to the Pacific Island paradise of Saipan for the fifth and final event on the Tour, the Marianas Open. Radis takes with him a commanding lead into the last event and it will be hard for Korea’s Yoon Sung Soo to close the gap. The Mana Mana Amslam is a prestigious event in it’s own right and it fits into the larger Adecco Asian Windsurfing Tour that groups together the premier windsurfing events in the region. 1) The Penghu Pro-am, Penghu, Taiwan (November 2003) 2) The Boracay International Funboard Cup, Philippines (January 2004) 3) Monsoon Madness, Kuantan, Malaysia (January 2004) 4) The Mana Mana Amslam, Bintan, Indonesia (February 2004) 5) The Marianas Open, Saipan (February 2004) Through the season competitors at each event earn points towards the overall Adecco AWT Championship and at the end of the season in Saipan a new Asian Champion is crowned. The Mana Mana Amslam (and all the events on the Adecco AWT) is being filmed for international television and in all, the event will reach an audience of over 150 million households around the globe. The World will be watching as the 10th Mana Mana Amslam sets sail.

The Sacred Ride I rode alone on Tuesday morning. It rained so hard the whole of last night that the tarmac is tame and the air cleansed. The air felt so clean as though God put the atmosphere through an air purifier. Riding through clean air cleanses the system and purifies my mind. It felt strange to ride alone, especially so when I’ve been riding with the boys, often with much commotion, voices and panting. Fleeting thoughts of ‘why am I doing this so early in the morning?’ quickly dissipated as the peace of the dawn flooded my flustered mind. Soaking in the dew, my mind cleared itself of any ‘unpleasantry’. I thought of my life as of today, somehow all laid out before me, like the long coastal road ahead…I don’t know why I got into the reflective mode, perhaps that’s what peace and quiet does to me, it gets me connected with my spirit and I feel alive from the inside-out. That’s why I called today’s ride The Sacred Ride. It’s for me to cherish and for my God to share the moment with. I did not see my life laid out on Coastal Road in neat chapters. It came in a flash of sorts with a bang of emotions. How quickly time flew by and how far I’ve come, what have I done with my life and where am I heading? I couldn’t figure out what I felt more: fear or excitement? What does the future hold for me? In the strangest juxtaposition of flustered emotions and faith, I decided that the latter should stand, for sheer optimism. Yet, as the years go by, I feel confident, about life, myself, my capability and future. I know what to do, how to do it, and what I want! I know how to live through life, the way I want to. It’s not that bad, there’s something about growing, living through yet another birthday. There’s nothing like knowing God will be there for me in the future, after all, He’s Alpha and Omega. It makes better reason to enjoy what I am doing now, the rides, the sports, the friends and everything that God has given me in this life, and much more. I love life, but not more than Jesus! He is my everything.

Waterworld Magazine Nov '03 - Windsurfing Windsurfing is not a sport! It is opium, obsession and enslavement to wind and speed. A healthy addiction that marries the soul and ocean to a life sentence, a windsurfer experiences ultimate freedom. An antithesis maybe, but there is something about dancing on the ocean, skipping over waves and heading into the twilight. Some say it’s magic, others say it’s stress-relieving. Yet others claim it builds up muscles. Windsurfing is all of these and much more. It is what you want it to be, what you want to be, and allows you to be what you want to become. It is about being oneself. Many new and radical sports offer adrenalin of all sorts, thrills and spills and fellowship with nature. Windsurfing represents the past, present and future in every way. It was said to be invented in 1968 by Jim Drake (a sailor) and Hoyle Schweitzer (a surfer). They received the very first patent for a sailboard which they named ‘Windsurfer’. Today, windsurfing is a multi-million dollar industry and is featured in the Olympics, Asian Games, Southeast Asian Games and other major continental competition. Windsurfing in Singapore Most of the action takes place in the seafront off the East Coast park, and windsurfers can be found at PA East Coast Sea Sports Club and Pasta Fresca Sea Sports Centre. PA ECSSC boasts of the biggest windsurfing club facility in Singapore, hosting the largest windsurfing membership as well. Organizing races do not come cheap, requiring boats, manpower, tons of logistics, skilled windsurfers and yes, wind. Throw in prizes to enthrall people to race, the cost begins at $10,000 for a simple local race. Several windsurfers are fortunate to be ‘team riders’ for some of the equipment brands, raising the commercial value of gear and publicity competition. Windsurfing is about variety, flexibility and universal. Disciplines include the Formula, slalom, wave, freestyle, Olympic, raceboard, Super X to name a few. Much depends on the local wind and water conditions that determine the type of windsurfing one engages in. In Singapore, local windsurfers do Formula, shortboard, Mistral One Design Olympic class and freestyle. Our waves rarely go higher than a ripple, hence windsurfers are typically bound by the largely-tame conditions. Travelling is a must for the wind/wave-starved windsurfers. Some make annual pilgrimages to popular windy havens like Maui, Bintan, San Francisco, Vietnam, secluded parts of Malaysia such as Jason’s Bay, Kuantan, Penghu island in Taiwan and even Boracay island in Philippines. Women in windsurfing – winners or widows? Too tough, too hot, too dangerous, too scary and too expensive…these are the reasons ladies often use to explain why they should not windsurf and why they should engage in more friendly sports like aerobics, jogging, badminton and tennis. Their reasons are valid as windsurfing in its purity is indeed tough, dangerous, scary, expensive and yes, you come back with a glowing tan. In my full-time windsurfing days and racing experience almost over 10 years, the hardcore women windsurfers are usually winners, not widows. Women windsurfers who are winners in major competitions, such as Olympics, Professional Windsurfing circuit, Asian tour, US/UK tours and Formula circuit are rarely widows. Women windsurfers – read ‘hardcore’, are a rare breed, exclusive only to the hardcore male brood who spend all their time in the water, and the rest of the time also in the water. They understand freedom, fanaticism, adrenalin, athleticism, strength, creativity and technology. They sometimes have no time for shopping and their nails are frequently chipped from tinkling with rough equipment and terrains. Their skin is deeply tanned, they own calluses on their palms and have moisturizers, sun-block lotions and DIY masks as constant companions. Sexy bikini lines decorate their backs and they have more board shorts than evening dresses. Women windsurfers are a capable lot, gutsy, brave and independent beyond the average marking. We know how to enjoy life, race, travel, pursue our dreams and win! Women windsurfers do not survive non-windsurfing partners, as it bears too much on their egos and esteems. They’d rather be windsurfing widows and continue in their search…for wind and waves. More often than not, the male to female ratio can be almost 20:1, leaving the ‘widows’ up for grabs, first-come-first-served basis. As windsurfing is a finesse and tactical sport, few women windsurfers are too-muscular nor tempted to take performance-enhancement drugs. The hardcore women are drawn to the lifestyle, the adrenalin, the dream and the utopia. Same reason the men are drawn to them…few widows remain. Winners galore, on and off the water. Sponsorship is hard to come by…for men and more so for women. With my SEA Games Silver medal success and later on, Asian Windsurfing Tour Ladies Champion titles, Local Overall 2nd Ranking and others, I became the team rider for The Windsurfing Shop, Timex, Oakley, Cobian & Dakine. There are hardly more than 5 ladies who race regularly in Singapore, not least to say that it is common for women windsurfers to find sponsors, as there are just too few around. More often than not, they windsurf recreationally, cruising on the sea, enjoying the sun. Ask them to race and they will say ‘too tough, too difficult, I’m not good enough’. As a result of the few women racers, we race with the men in Open categories, same starts and same course. Usually, I am the only woman windsurfer in the Open fleet. There is just not enough women to form a fleet. Thank God for the strong foundation in my earlier days, I could earn top 3 positions in most, if not all the races, giving me a 2nd position ranking in the Formula Open class for this year. The rest are men. And no, I am not a windsurfing widow…I’ll be marrying a windsurfer 2 months from now. The Road Less Travelled In my full-time windsurfing days a couple of years ago, I lived a dream of windsurfing everyday, travelling and racing. Then it was the 2001 SEA Games and windsurfing has been a regular feature in major games (Olympics, Asian Games and SEA Games). Short of training in Hawaii, we travelled to the most unlikely places to windsurf and race, such as China. I had also raced in Pakistan, Japan, Hong Kong, Malaysia, Indonesia and the Philippines. Certainly not the most ‘commercial’ of windsurfing havens one would read in windsurfing magazines but we had great winds and big waves. Daily trainings under my China coach then include runnning at 6:30am, breakfast at 8am, Gym training or windsurfing training 9am-12pm. We’ll have lunch and another windsurfing session from 2-5pm. It was pure pain, hard work and numbness to adrenalin. Nonetheless, the dream one holds of perfecting the moves, achieving superhuman physical fitness and the satisfaction of winning races enslaves one to the cause. Strangely and almost bizarre, I was enjoying the mundane routine and looking forward each morning to push myself beyond my limits. Each day when tough training knocked me out, I would lie in bed blissfully fulfilled, aching from head to toe, happy that I had given of myself, done my very best and spent every ounce of my strength into a God-given calling. I relish the idea of pursuing a dream, aware that some go through life not having a dream. The scariest thing is not about leaving one’s dreams unfulfilled, but in not having one. I was training with a fierce Passion-the kind that causes some to excel beyond anyone else – dulls one’s sense of fatigue, pain, and the need for pleasure or even physical well-being. There is no greater honour, no greater pleasure than to represent your country.

Last few days have been a flurry of emotions…not least feeling the extremes of emotions, great joy for a wedded couple-friend and immense sadness for a friend killed by a speeding powerboat on a lake. As if there is not enough going around the world to remind us to cherish our loved ones, to cherish what we have and thank God for all that is in this world, I have to be robbed of a friend to be struck with that slap. Vangie Palacios, is a dynamic and inspiring travel-journalist, and responsible for organizing most windsurfing and surfing competitions in the Philippines. She passed away on Friday, 3 May, 2003 on Lake Caliraya, Manila, when she was hit by a speedboat while swimming alone. She was killed instantly. The backbone of the Philippines’ windsurfing scene, much doubt remains now if our fellow Filippino windsurfers would be able to continue windsurfing without thinking of her. I can’t, for sure. Her mobile phone no. stays in my mobile phone, no, I’m not deleting her number. I wore black today, and if I have enough black clothes, I will do so for the week. It’s my way of saying ‘Vangie, I miss you and I wish your spirit peace’. It was a brief one week spent in fleeting moments of her company, during the Asian Windsurfing Tour in Boracay, Philippines. I remember her as dynamic, well-educated, spontaneous and warm. I read about her travel journals, and one of them, of her 30-day travel to U.S. with her husband, Art. They were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary. The camera, which she so fondly called Juliana, captured the finest moments of her life. Aptly so, they were vibrant, varied and vivacious, and very Vangie! She was a travel-journalist, photographer, windsurfer, surfer, fine friend and all the vocabulary in the world will fail to describe her. It all seemed so surreal. I was just emailing her 4 days ago, when she informed me about an almost-sponsored windsurfing race in Jeju, Korea. She told me she was taking a weekend break, to go windsurfing at Caliraya Lake. She was supposed to reply me about certain details, and wrote off in her last email, that she'll be back! Well, she didn't keep to that promise. Many will mourn for a loss of a dear friend, many others will mourn for the loss of an inspiration which we can so easily overlook. Rest In Peace, Vangie! God bless your family.

5/10/2002 BUSAN ASIAN GAMES: RACES 1-3 Races hv been underway here in Busan & race 3 has just been completed today. Yesterday wind was good, from 15-20+ kts (gust) & there were some surprises. I dunno where to start reporting the results. To begin with, Andrew has been very consistent in all 3 races, coming in 6th, aha...he beat Taipei old man (7th) to retain his 6th psn. In his class, Mistral lightweight, psns change in every race. Today, 0 kt in morn & we waited several hrs b4 it blew ard 8-12 kts in super gloomy weather. CHN 1ST, HKG 2ND, KOR 3RD, JPN4TH, THA 5TH, SIN 6TH. Mistral Heavyweight: INA 1ST, CHN 2ND, JPN 3RD, HKG 4TH, THA 5TH. Yesterday, results were different. We saw the CHN lady Yin Jian doing badly, being 5th overall after 2 races. Dunno what happened to her, whilst Tha gal was 3rd. HKG San san won both races, Masako sits 2nd. Meng, Cho doesn't look like he's gonna win, with mostly 4th & 5th places. HKG ho chi ho is fighting hard with CHN Zhou Yuanguo & finally today, Gao Chuanwei in Raceboard LW! , came in 1st after patching his board till 9 p.m. last night. Everybody raced in epoxy-patched raceboards. Received bad feedback for its fragility in such rough conditions. I had smuggled myself into the Press boat these 2 days, after disguising myself as a Photographer & Journalist. The boat brought us right next to the pin end buoy of the start line. I'll send out some good photos when they r ready.

10/2/2002 WEDNESDAY TYPHOON in Osaka & Long-waiting game! More shopping, there were nothing much coz there were only sweaters & more sweaters. really, it wasn't that cold. and i'm frustrated from always having to put up with stuffy-non-air-conditioned buses coz they think it's cold out there. gosh, i'd rather be cold than hot. that reminds me of the 40min bus ride to the airport this morning. i didn't sleep well coz i was too excited abt today. aha...firstly, I walked 15 min thru' underpasses, streets & lots and lots of staircases to the bus-stop. The airport bus 68 came, i was greeted by this grouchy old man who grunts & scolds. i got thru' the paying-bus-fare part, then chose a seat 3 rows behind him. realising the air-con wasnt on, i asked him to switch it on. oh there started the ranting and raving...he's probably scolding me in his native korean vulgar language. he switched it on and after half a min, switched it off again. Oh ok, so this means 'switching on the air-con'. I stopped requesting for the air-con obviously. i continued the near-fainting journey, half in fear if indeed, this bus goes to Gimpo airport. You know, u feel more uncertain when you have a very un-assuring driver. I really almost fainted in the stuffy bus, feeling really hungry and still in a sleepy stupor, I struggled to stay perky. Well, I did reach the Gimpo Airport, Praise God! I quickly checked in and on my way to STARBUCKS, bumped into 3 girls who were screaming & struggling with each other for some reason. Finally, the police was called in to maintain sanity at the Departure Lounge. Then I joyfully ordered a Grande Cappucino with lots of Choc & some cinnamon in it. Nothing beats a nice big cuppa in the morning with the newspapers & a sandwich. It was time to check in and I took the Airport Limousine bus to the Domestic Departure Hall. I found my seat beside this ang-moh guy who looked like he was busy doing homework. aha...I read more newspapers & soon, we reached Busan Domestic airport in an hr. It's the Airport Limousine bus again to the Intl airport. There i had my best surprise of the day. Yasuko's flight is to be delayed for 4 hrs! Praise the Lord! It's a cruel, long & starving waiting game. I cant leave because I do not know which hotel she has booked. Anyway, I am really looking forward to meeting the windsurfers and sailors, incl the officials, coaches & jury from the rest of the world. It'll be an awesome gathering.

30/9/2002 CRAPPY CAPPUCINO Greetings from Seoul! The first thing that happened to me was to get conned of a cuppa lousy cappucino. this is my second time & i hv not learned my lesson!! darn! Koreans make lousy coffee, period! For the same price, i could have lingered happily in Starbucks, Coffee Beans or Seattle's. Anyway, i attempted the Jungang Flea Market after my Dunkin Donuts breakfast in the subway...it's not a Flea market, as u would think, it's really a wet market, Korean-style. And I saw, *gasp*, dogs in cages, whining & next to the bunch of caged dogs, as if to remind them of their impending doom, were displays of frozen dog legs, RAW! How poignant! I almost dropped my camera...the scene seizes me like hyperventilation as i struggled to relate DOGS to Makan! I tried to take pictures but the owner waved me off, i pointed to the dogs & the man continued to disallow pictures. I didn't persist, in case i had to keep the dogs company in the cage. But i took one photo of the dogs in the opposite ! stall. I walked around more, but certainly, lunch was not on my mind. i went back to Downtown seoul when the raw smell got into me. i'm impressed at the rate of improvemt, there r street concerts here everynight. their arts & ways of expression for youths r amazing. juz last night, i stood frozen to the ground watching bunches of teens dancing on the permanent stage. it was awesome as it's not juz swaying but some of the boys were breakdancing & flipping & somersaulting perfectly to the rhythm. I do understand how local sports, arts, dance & theatre r really not happening. I visited the local bookstore today...and there were books of the individual footballers. Not to say that their ads adorn the streets, mags, everything! Then i went to Korean Air to confirm my air tix & to mark that bus-stop which the airport express bus would move from on my map. Till I fly to Busan to check out the Asian Games, i'm juz hanging around, watching lots of tv. Theyhad the Opening ceremony last night & as usual, i only saw the Koreans coz that's all they showed. The only reason y i'll come back kor is the snow skiing. YUP!!!

29/9/2002 So Seoul only... I did some more touristy things these 2 days & boy, it's a lot a lot of walking...practically hours. Yesterday, I took the subway (basically, i take the subway to EVERYWHERE coz it's sooo cheap! tho' not the easiest to figure out but a hundred times easier than Tokyo's) to Gyeungbokkung Palace & Independence Gate. The palace was not impressive, looked rather fake as it was purposely built as a university project & it's nothing compared to the Vietnamese & Chinese palaces which were really really awesome. I digressed to the Korean Folk Museum...and guess who was up in Korea's history? Yes, the Korean World Cup & the Kor football team! It was quite an awesome sight. A bunch of boys kicking balls in the historical annals of the country. It speaks a lot abt what the country thinks abt sport amongst its priorities. Then I took the subway to the Sodaemun History Prison Hall. I think the Korean War is either not as horrendous as the other wars or that the museum architects are not up to it. aha. It was ok lah, ended up taking photos of myself using the timer. Hope they turn out. Late afternoon, I took the subway to the reputed shopping belt called Itaewon! Well, there're too many tourists there, too many blacks, ang-mohs and ang-moh fast-food. Then there are consistent bunches of Harley-bikes vrrooming up the 'happening' street so often I don't find them unique anymore. My hunger resisted & I ended up at Steff's Hotdog for dinner. And I bought 4 more World Cup t-shirts in addition to the 2 I already bought. Exhausting the 2 streets, I returned back to my motel in the big pouring cold cruel rain!!! The raindrops here seem much bigger than those back home, and at least 10 deg colder! It was Sat night, so there were nice movies to watch on tv. there was this show starring Eddie Murphy, pretty funny...and those asian games highlights here & there often. But in Korea, u juz tend to think Kor is winning in every sport & in every competition coz that's all they show. I've bought the Korea Herald sometimes but still, Kor wins everything. aha. This morning I woke up really excited because I was going to reward myself with a hot Cuppa Cappucino & choc muffin at Coffee Beans. Then I'll head for the biggest church i.e. Yoida Full Gospel Church, in the world, right here in Seoul. It's headed by Rev David Cho Yonggi. Hmmm, it's really big!! Everything but the seats are big. The cross must have been 50 ft high....and I understood only 'Hallelujah' & 'Amen' in the entire worship & sermon. Yup, it was in traditional korean. I spent my time taking photos of the congregation, the church building & occasionlly flipping thru' my Korean Phrasebook. No chance to explore other parts of the building as the human throng is simply too powerful. There were tons of traffic police directing the human & traffic, obviously i forgot to mention the traffic jam as i was reaching there b4 the service. I proceeded with my itinery which was to head for the Han-Gang river cruise which was supposed to take me to this windsurfing area. I had an hr plus to kill b4 the ferry sets off. Ate lunch out of a Snack Car (a mini-bus) and waited...watched the children feed the pigeons & chasing them... The ferry was kinda of a disappointment. There was this rowdy grp of people who were taking photos during the entire trip & i was forced to abdicate my seat to somewhere photo-taking-free. There was no wind...so the windsurfing was quite a sad scene. Then i walked an hour to the Chamsil subway...half an hr later, back in Myongdong. Next 2 days, I planned it to be relaxing...finish last-min shopping, check out the Hwang-hak Flea Market & come back. Tues, I'll just hang out at my shopping area, shop somemore & pack up. Wed early morn, I'll hv to take the 10am domestic flight to meet Yasuko. I really dunno what to eat for dinner...aha. and it's real crowded outside.

27/9/2002 SEOUL SOUL! Greetings from Seoul. The Asian Association for Sportt Management Congress was a big surprise! right fm beginning, every day was a surprise. u know nobody picked us up from the airport? ya, we waited 2 hrs & finally, called up the hotel, nobody made a reservation for us & we ended up taking an hr public bus to the Olympic Parktel hotel. WELCOME TO SEOUL! of coz, more surprises to come. on second day, they packed us off to Busan for this Scientific Congress which we didn't know we were attending. aha. then they left us there to return to Seoul on our own. Addy didn't want to make himself more confused and so, remained in Busan. I found my way to the Railway station with a Jap friend & took too-too-train for 4-half hrs back to Seoul. My cheapskate motel is ok lah..juz lock everything tight lor. but i suppose anyone can give a slight kick & the door will fall. i slept well in the motel after all & felt used to it aft one night. aha. it's ok coz location's best!! Yes, now i found out many nice places to go...i've planned my itinery & am very happy! i'm juz opp to this really happening shopping area which i only found out tis aftn. i ventured there for lunch & didnt expect it to be so happening as it looked boring fm the street. aha. was i wrong. anyway, last night aft i got outta internet shop, i cont shoppin in that Namdaemon street market. i was trying to buy a good & cheap leather jacket. in my 2nd shop, this guy was really nice & striked up conversation. it was the same one that really fit me & really good leather (cannot burn when u light a fire on it & very smooth). in the first shop, it cost s$325. in tis second shop, i asked for leather that cost ard s$100 (actually not that possible coz it's ex right). dun hv...so i walked out. then that guy called me back & offered me s$125 for that same long black italian leather jack. i tried it again & ok, bot it. i'm not leather expert lah but it's the best price i came across, even in china or aus, usu at least s$200. juz now i walked into giordano & their leather jac is also going for s$300+. i think i got a good deal lah. also bot a nice brown denim 'jeans' for s$57. the cutting is good on me, coz all my life i can never buy a pair of 'jeans' or pants that look nice on me, aha. so i bot it. looks fantastic wif the leather. anyway, aft my kfc lunch (yes, sick of kor food!) at the shopping area opp my motel, i followed my itinery plan i.e. Namsan National park & Seoul Tower & Namsan traditional korean village. it was juz to the right of my motel. it required a steep one-hr plus walk up to the peak. despite the 27deg ok weather, i was perspiring lor...and it wasn't breathtaking! aha, i asked this man to take photo for me. then i sat there to rest my legs while looking upon the bunches of 5-yr-olds running & screaming. it seems that the kids hv lots of excursions, coz i see them everywhere i go. but they r so cute. then i bot the tix to bring me up to Seoul Tower. well, i was disappointed the elevator only brought me up to one-third of the tower, which my Timex watch measured only 235m altitude. the peak is supposed to be 456m in altitude. sigh. 'up there', it wasnt fantastic too. aha. Tokyo Tower, i remembered, is 100x more breathtaking. well, i should hv been there at night. but then again, no way am i gonna climb 1 hr plus up the steep stairs in pitch darkness. i forgot there's a cablecar to bring us to the tower directly. but...i trust the car, not the cable. i'd rather walk. then i went to the tourist info counter, chatted a while & got them to help me change my Busan flight. done. went on to the Namsan Traditional Korean village which was 45 min walk away. i found it after a little bit of getting-lost here & there. reached there in 1 hr. well, it really wasn't fantastic. some koreans were filming there & the actor, who was decked in a beard & traditional costume, pointed to my oa! kley & gave his thumbs-up. aha. definitely, in this hot weather! aha. Tonight i'll check out in entirety this shopping area opp my motel. it's quite happening. Bought a pair of Polo socks for s$1+ coz last night i was desperately trying to dry my only pair of socks with the aircon. lesson learned. tomorrow i'll check out the ChangYonggung Palace up North fm my motel. There's supposed to be a series of shows there the whole day, incl those Changing-Guards thingy. aha. Then if i hv time in the day, will travel South to the War Memorial Museum. In evening, go to the famous shopping belt called Itae-Won. Sunday will be church-day. aha...the World's biggest church is here in Seoul and that's Yoida Full Gospel Church at Yoida. After service, I'll take a boat cruise (called the Hangang River Cruise, an hr) from Yoida to Ttuksom where there's supposed to be a Windsurfing area. I hope to windsurf a couple of hrs there. Monday will be more historical & educational stuff again...check out the Sodaemun Prison, Independence Park etc. Comparing Japan with Korea, i like japan many times more. the culture is richer & more happening. the people are more bold, entrepreunerial & charismatic. ya, i'll finally meet yasuko, my jap friend, at busan airport after a series of non-communication. i wont get a phone here after all. think there's no need. internet shops r everywhere. Finally, at the Korean Traditional Village phone booth, i managed to get my korean windsurfer friend on his handphone. i learnt from the girl at the Tourist Info booth that i need to add a 0 in front of all mobile no. cheh...no wonder. And i called my bf ker Wan & he was Shanghai airport, squeezing his way to check-in half an hr b4 the plane was flying off. ha, that's the typical China-adventure there...here's not as bad. I told him to spit to claim his territory & be more aggressive in jumping queue. hopefully he's in the plane now. aha.

Golly...it's been almost 4 months since i updated the good ol' Blogger. So much has changed, as always. Thank God for changes as they represent new-ness, virility, birth and challenge. It would have been a self-punishment if I try to list the changes in these 4 mths or to explain what had trespassed. The best would be to say what's on my heart right here, right now. Out of the overflowing of the heart the mouth speaketh and the fingers typeth...aha! The major blessing would have to be my wonderful partner, the only man in my life (oops! 2 actually...the other Most important man being Jesus aha)...no doubt we are thriving in the knowledge of love, life and living. It can be tough with 2 very different people put together but the plus-es are awesome. It's much more than just bringing the very best out of each other, we can even bring out beautiful qualities that we never ever knew existed in ourselves. Loving is not always easy and it can be the most frustrating thing when things just go by Murphy's Law. The rewards are greater than the trying times. My man has proposed over the the Vesak long wkends in nearby Bintan. I was surprised with a gorgeous solitaire diamond ring. Wow, there goes his budget for a full set of sail and board. Poor thing! aha...Moving on, we are planning for a nice church wedding and dinner to be held at the end of '03. I have all sorts of crazy ideas for that ideal wedding. Better not start dreaming again... The next good thing must be wrt windsurfing. What many would think to be stupid to drop out of the Asian Games, I would say to them 'you know nuthin about what I was going through so shut up!'. I tire of explaining myself out of this image of 'giving up', 'self-exaltation' or 'making u-turn'. It was none of that. It doesn't matter to me what people think because I have nothing to prove and no one to impress. Things are certainly getting better...thanks to The Windsurfing Shop, I received my first set of Formula equipment: Gaastra Nitro 3 9.0metre, AHD Formula Diamond 170 litres. Life has never been the same again. We've had 3 races over the last weekends. We didn't have the best fun and the strongest wind but it was great just racing. I look forward to 2 more races in the next 2 months. They are Singapore Windsurfing C'ship (20-21 July) & Pesta Sukan Windsurfing C'ship (August). I'm sooooo happy...I just bought a KONA U.S. Mountain bike & love biking during my lunch-time. I'm following a triathlon training program i.e. swimming, biking & running. When it's simply too hot to run, I'll pick up the bike & go. Meanwhile, Ker Wan & I have been shopping for a new bed. Yes yes, planning for wedding but I confess the impetus to plan isn't here yet. It's probably scheduled for end next year. Stay tuned to our invites.

4 March 2002 Monday WOW!!!!! Work work work... Today was my virgin day at work, finally!!! It's a whole new package of new beginnings, as my friend-visitor had pointed out, beginning with brand new furniture and brand new colleagues and brand new work awaiting me. As of all 'Day 1s', I was (not) busy dusting my new furniture, gently hounding the clerk for stationeries, hounding IT dept for quicker delivery of my computer, making quick mental lists of what-to-bring-to-office-next-day (e.g. tissue box, Pooh bears, CDs, AWT poster, photos?, vitamins, pen holders, more stationeries, cereal, and others), making frequent socialisation visits to my new colleagues' workstations, and making more mental lists of what-to-brings...:) My boss is a nice gentle giant...and we call him Paul. Far from being the celibate apostle Paul in the Bible, this man is a typical leader, albeit spiritual and amazingly open-minded. So much so that I sometimes forget to give him the due respect, in the sense of over-friendliness and casual-ness. You always feel like giving him a pal-y pat on the shoulder except that he's too tall for your reach. Nice man...:) I like my little corner in the big office, not too far from the toilet, pantry and exit, yet not too near for passers-by' scrutiny. I have enough work space to focus on my career and enough space to be spaced-out when I'm mentally fatigued. Basically, everyone trusts everyone to do their work, and work-outs too. What's so wonderful about working here is the proximity to the sports facilities...I envision taking a short jog to the gym, jump-start those dormant office muscles, jog back to my office, quick thorough shower and back to slogging. I'm excited!!!!! Yippee!! Or, take a brisk walk to the swimming pool across the road, swim 2km, shower, walk back...another wonderful work-out. I'm just plain excited about the new life, a new routine, a new focus...I look forward to the challenges that will come on me and I can't wait to pounce on those new projects like a hungry wolf. Lunch-time work-outs never fail to rejuvenate my energy and re-focus my mind. I'll be back for more...stay tuned!!

26 FEB 2002 Tuesday WEEK OF BLESSED BEGINNINGS This week began with a Bang! The healing virtue of Jesus zapped me on the Sunday service and healed me of a one-mth plus nagging pain in the left side of my back. Praise God!! It was a morning of back healing and the stiffness I usually felt was immediately gone. I could now bend backwards, which I could usually not do before. Thereafter, I knew that this week will be a week of blessings and miracles. The next miracle was manifested juz the very next day. I was down for a 3rd round of interview at my potential work place...the usual routines went on...and after leaving, felt the victory was far. Then I received a call from my boss-to-be to say I got the job. Praise God! Put your trust in God and see if His blessings will not overflow and flood your life. I think it's quite unbelievable to land a job in exactly 1 mth of hunting. I wasn't even hunting really hard...sent out not many resumes. Not that I was lazy, but I was expecting something on my way...and juz rested in His grace, and brainstorming about my 'lil business venture'. I'm still not sure if I should really import those silk handbags and if I will have time to sell them to make a profit. My spirit says 'amen' and my work schedule says 'maybe not'...I'll pray about it and make a decision.

21 Feb 2002, Thursday 5 MONTHS ARCHIVE It's been nearly 5 mths since I last filled in my e-journal. It felt like 5 weeks. The more I have to write, the less I wrote. Such is the irony that I am forcing myself to make a check, face myself and archive the past. Yes, archive the past so that I can move on...Maybe I was hesitant to archive the past, harbouring a secret hope to revive dreams unfulfilled, or that the skeletons in the closet are haunting me anew. Finding a topic to begin with is a tough task, just as I do not know what is the cause and what the result is. Sometimes we do not know what we really want, to reach there only to find out we want something else. Or, we stumble upon something we never dreamed we'd do and feel the Oomph we would associate with a dream fulfilled. I conclude that life and all its complexities are made more complex when we attach technical terms to it. They are really not always what it seems to be. We reach a goal only to feel empty and aimless, or contend with 'at least I've been there and done it' or 'Just do it'. We move on to find a new goal and trudge on the journey, neverending journey with an insatiable appetite. Take an interview I attended today at a Marketing firm for example, the ad says 'Marketing Executive' and I went ahead with the interview with blistering results. We were told there'll be series of shortlisting and we'll be informed if we are shortlisted by next Tuesday. Not more than 10 minutes had gone by when I received a call inviting me to a second interview tomorrow. I was ecstatic! Praise the Lord! I placed a ring to my sister who was more certain than certain that this job is no more than a Salesgirl post. The signs were verifying themselves to me indeed. I felt guilty of doing my best in that interview. I had made sure to present the most positive body language that employers look for, spoke well, charming smiles, projecting a professional, confident and pretty image. I went an extra mile to present the Manager with my full resume without being asked. I had assumed what was not to be my career goal to be mine i.e. Salesgirl. This is a petty example. Professional terms are not what they seem to be and when we discover the truth, we become guilt-ridden and sorry. Terms are superficial and superfluous. They restrict us with its definition and prevents us from stepping beyond its boundary. I choose to admit my ignorance than to pretend knowledgeability. Back to the archives of the last 5 mths of my life...I'm happy, and relieved to be able to keep it archived forever. It has been blessed with blissful joys and marred with malicious evils. Since gracing the podium of victory during the SEA Games, I also stepped into the chasm of being-backstabbed and accused. Thank God I survived the valley of shadow of death. I've since reached the end of my wits with regards to my windsurfing career. My coach had quit in a huff just weeks after the 2001 SEA Games, allegedly unhappy over his salary and treatment from the Fed. We all knew how he felt and knew how he was treated all those time...but each time, we would get stepped over with more professional reasons which the authorities and journalists would agree with, or pretend to agree. The vacuum could never be filled and for these 4 plus months, I was training every single day, diligently, alone in the huge seas. Each time, I was greeted with a 'we are doing our best' and 'it's not easy to find a coach'. When I get called up to lone meetings, I was lashed at, verbally. I was accused of instigating journalists to popularise windsurfing and to accuse them of not doing enough. I was accused of creating unrest among the sailors and having a personal agenda. I could not defend myself, given the fierce anger ripping me apart, I could only say 'I don't know why you are doing this to me?' and fight to contain tears that threaten to emerge from under my eyes. Malicious gossips were even spread that I did not resign from my previous company to train full-time. That I was probably sacked and turned to the solace of sports. Well-meaning journalists have called me to advise me to opt out as the Fed thinks negative of me. I cannot begin to explain what I did not do...I was simply training diligently daily and gently probing about training plans and keeping tab on development. I was not given quantifiable selection criteria and my selection was based on 'evaluation' by dinghy people who claimed to understand windsurfing. 4 mths had passed, and the coach's visa was still pending. Training stints could not be confirmed. Training with Asian countries who are also training for the Asian Games who don't speak our language, I wonder how effective it will be. Coincidentally, the Thai training trip was promised a couple of days after the national body was tipped off about the lack of training plans. I was told to pack up and fly off the next week, if possible, in a day's notice. I do not understand the urgency when I've waited for more than 4 mths, plus, Thailand is a place where we are welcome to go ANYTIME of the year. They seemed to have picked up on the idea only now. I was to have missed Chinese New Year and a holiday trip unless I buy my own ticket back. Just when I was named on the Training Squad did I withdraw from the selections formally. Journalists followed up on their own stories about me and what I set out to do from the beginning. I must not be giving up, it seems. I knew in my heart that the best they've done, or so they claimed, is not good enough. The double standards are more than glaring and even the dumbest person can deduce the facts. I was told I need not have a coach in order to train for Asian Games. Then why are there coaches for every dinghy class? It would have been a disgrace to represent my country with sub-standard preparation. It would have been an insult to the Games itself. My goal was to race with a medal-winning chance, not to just have fun in the Opening Ceremony and to boast I've been there before. I have better things to do, honestly. If I'm not ready, I will not run the race. Better to admit my weakness than to boast of assumed capability. In any case, I knew I wouldn't be selected, I'll be dropped conveniently along the way, according to their 'plan of unpreparedness' for me. Thanks but no thanks. That decision had bugged me...especially after I've read how the journalists interpreted that and developed their stories. On my way back from Vietnam holiday, I was suddenly gripped by fear of facing reality once more. A fear of having to defend myself for something I've not done; for having to be public with a personal struggle/issue. One has to tell the story differently when telling it to the public. It's just not the same. Each of us have a public responsibility...to always appear to be that hope in the midst of hopelessness; the strength in a mire of fear and the ray of light in pitch darkness. There's nothing to write about giving up, re-focusing, change of priorities...hence, I was forced to admit that I'm not giving up racing YET. Hence, the clear assumption would be that I will still race in the next SEA Games and beyond. I have to say yes...don't we all have this civic duty to give hope to our fellow citizens? I hope to spend some time with myself...probably a month of rugged backpacking in the northern hills of Thailand. In my seclusion, I will write more chapters for the BLOGGER. Ciao!!

13 September, SEA Games The race starts on Monday and will end on Saturday, latest Sunday (spare day). My event sees only 3 competitors, Thailand, Indonesia & Singapore. The fewer competitors mean that the tougher it is...it'll be more of a tactical race than anything. I was lying 1st after the 1st day but dropped to 2nd place by today. I sailed badly on the 2nd day but recovered enough to come back stronger on 3rd day. Thai sailor is ahead of me by 5 points, and I’m leading the 3rd girl by 3 points. It is stiff and almost impossible for me to catch up to win the gold unless I come in 1st in the next 4 races and Thai finishes 3rd or gets disqualified etc. Today is a reserve day. we have 2 more days of racing, 4 races left. So far, the points and our positions are as follows: Thai: 1, 2, 1, 1, 1, 1 Singapore: 2, 1, 3, 3, 2, 2 Indonesia: 3, 3, 2, 2, 3, 3 Tactically, I need to secure a Silver first and if I do win the Thai, it’s a bonus. I still have to keep a look-out for INA. The lesser points win…If we run 8 races and above, we are allowed to discard 2 races. On the first day, I had blazing form as I was thoroughly in peace and in rest. I surprised everyone when I was 1st on score tally. Pressure came in and I crashed on the 2nd day, as everyone was expecting the gold medal from me since. I was not in rest then and was full of anxiety, and even came back with bad blisters on my hands. 3rd day, I went out praising the Lord and worshipping Him for His goodness etc…and sailed with the peace I had on 1st day. But I made some stupid mistakes which cost me one win. I could have won the 1st race. Seems like a miracle is needed if I should get the Gold. Thai would have to do really badly and I would have to sail really well. I don’t know how this is possible but my trust is in the Lord. Praise God for every result I had… I've been reading yr emails and praising God for the victory (in tongues etc) that He already acquired for me and is inside me. Yes, I'm conscious that it is not by my training or own strength that will get me the Gold medal. I shall remove every fear and concern that I may disappoint and have confidence in the Lord. They are indeed strong and Thai girl has juz returned from competing in the World Champs. She also went to the Olympics last year plus all the major events, while I didn’t and started full-time training only in Feb. They seem like impossible competitors to triumph in the natural, BUT i will go forth in the strength & confidence in the Lord. God is in covenant with me and He is not capable of failing me!!! My trainings can only bring me a short distance but His grace will get me the victory!! I will praise the Lord at all times...and find courage and grace in HIS sight.

2001 KL SEA Games...20 August, 2001, from Bayu Beach Resort, Port Dickson, Malaysia Decided to go to hotel manager's apt to download my emails tonite, since it's our off day! yay!!! Had gone out to Seremban town this afternoon, with Naomi, Stanley Tan and 2 coaches. After we sent Stanley off at the train station, we proceeded back to Bayu resort, but only after some drinks across the road. Then Naomi & I went for a comfortable 43 min run nearing 8 km in one of the villages nearby called Desa Rusa. There is a local primary school and some nice long houses in them, mostly comprising of Malays & Indians. And it was dinner-time and now, typing emails. On today's papers, it was stated 19 days away from SEA Games...and boy, it hasn't begun to sunk it yet!! However, it has, almost subtly, when I discover that sailors are becoming generally quieter and more serious, though more fatigued. For me, I'm only getting slightly more worried, though i know I shouldn't, and juz rest/trust in God. I'm getting worried abt the diminishing and depleting wind conditions. This week has been a challenge, the wind ranging from 0-4 knots max, not to mention short gusts that come and go. Yesterday, we were pumping around Olympic-sized trapezoid courese in 0-1 kt winds, and strong current. I could hardly muster the physical strength to create momentum. I lost out to the boys by one whole round/sausage. Coach scolds me for lousy performance and the 'what-if-it's-race-day' comment, myself feeling super lousy for not feeling good & not being able to psyche myself up in this no wind condition. My mood drops with the wind strength. When pumping becomes the sole means of propulsion and board momentum, it takes the life out of u to juz make yr board move. It's ok in the Girls' fleet as everyone would be on almost equal grounds in terms of physical strength. Maybe it's my own frustration...I'm praying they won't start races in the SEA Games in this 0 gusting to 2 kts wind. It's no WIND-surfing...prob PUMP-surfing. I hope we'll be racing in 6-8 kts wind at least... I have learnt a great deal abt professional windsurfing from Coach during this trip. Firstly, equipment: He taught us how to love our equipment, set it up 'perfectly' and etc...every unnecessary knot would be done away with and every dirt is wiped away. I would sweep my hands over my board after each session to clean it of dirt, sand etc...every part of the equipment is perfect and tuned to the finest mm/cm. I now know how much a difference it makes, that extra cm or adjustment to the downhaul/outhaul/footstraps. How to personalise a sail and know how to tune a sail to sail optimumly. I would know if my outhaul had loosened by itself when I'm pumping or if my boom slipped by one cm. I'm learning...and feeling excited. Secondly and more...that'll be too much for me to write...:) We'll be returning to Singapore on 30 Aug, next Thurs to be precise. Collecting our blazers etc the next day, we would fly up in style on 2 Sept, prob moving into the Games Village. The ST journalists (Tse Chueen & 2 photographers) had came by last Thurs/Fri, juz to take pix of us eating dinner, doing laundry and training. They really bother, I thought!! But this is part of the stress that's beginning to seep in...the press, expectations, the results, whether we r peaking etc...and sometimes, the 'what-if-i-don't-make-the-cut' thoughts. I heard there was an article yesterday abt us...We train twice a day, 2-half-3 hrs in the morning and another of this in the aftn. We would leave our equipment on the beach, under the trees b4 we launch again after a short lunch of sandwiches (and instant noodles...the bread is simply not enuf...we say, ang moh no brain, give us so little). Plus, our head coach was worried we will put on weight when SEA G starts. Surely not for the windsurfers...finally, a little of my abs are showing. aha! I was telling the sailors that we ought to learn each other's sports so we can understand each other more. I know sailing so they should learn windsurfing too. Otherwise, we cannot meet each other's needs on simple things like food and rest. By the way, 2 days ago, I had carefully placed my equipment under a tree during our lunch break. An hr later, I found 8 coconuts nicely placed on my sail...I looked up to see a 10m tall coconut tree, and realised my wrong choice of tree. Thank God that there was no hole, only some coconut prints and scratches...I think it was a miracle!! The coconuts were the usual size and they dropped together with the leaves. It muz have been divine protection. Count my blessings...I was usually careful in choosing trees but that day, I was particularly tired and looking fwd to going back to my room, hence... I thank God for Naomi here...at least I have someone to talk to, to click with. I realised how that is a blessing after all. This trip is already a hundred times more comfortable than my China trips. Coz sometimes it gets really boring, with juz training the whole day, and I would juz hole up in my room at night, after dinner. Yes, I do appreciate the single-mindedness of training, as it was in China (much worse in China actually). Most nights I would juz snuggle up in my comforter, sit on my bed in nice cool air-con temps, read books, write notes, play music, watch VCDs...and reflect on my life, and training. When I've though thru' almost everything possible, sometimes I would go over to Naomi and chat (or vice versa, depending who gets bored first). Then we'll exchange notes abt sailing, windsurfing, sailors, coaches, God or juz plain gossip. aha!! Time actually flies past faster than I imagined. We are gossiping less now, and juz holing up in our rooms, kept company by our thoughts, prayers and reflections. I guess the reality of the race is getting nearer to me and I'm feeling it. I know better than to entertain it too much so I bought 4 more VCDs last night...classics like BEN Hur, Evita, Little Buddha & The Hurricane. Previously, I watched Swordfish, Kiss of the Dragon and Angel Eyes...Pirated vcds r making the cinema a dwindling business. It's raining now...Quite a rare phenomenon in PD...I hope it doesn't make the wind go away. It's definitely one of the coldest nights thus far. A great change from the blistering heat! Munching on Penang tao sar biscuits which Ker Wan bought for me. Great stuff, good & cheap. Was really glad he came by to visit me as well as to race. Certainly felt the support thru' the efforts and trouble which he took.The 4 hour driving each way, hotel expenses and bringing things up for me (instant noodles, milk, ST, etc). I'm so blessed...now I'm raring to go all the way for the last part of my training. All or nothing!! Meanwhile, I'll be coveting for your prayers...for a miracle in the GOLD medal and that I'll be in the right gust/shift at all the right times, and that I'll be supernaturally endowed with strength & wisdom. That it will be Jesus windsurfing thru' me and I will glorify Him. Living for this cause...

It's been a long time since I wrote my journal...I'm speechless from the abundance of things brimming in my heart. The sailing contingent will be leaving for Port Dickson in 2 wks' time, more than one month in advance of the SEA Games. Once again, I'm feeling the anticipation of home-sickness. Packing my bags is an easy task now, having all my gear in travel packs constantly, and in generous supplies to last for a long time. We've had 3 races in the last few weeks, mainly the China Open, Raffles Marina and National's. Technically, my performance was best in the China Open and I was mentally razor-sharp. My lack of experience was glaring despite having some good showings. Pumping was vigorous and technically correct. Fitness was peak and mentally aggressive. The diarrhea I got from Beijing set me back in the subsequent 2 races, having to struggle in a weak body, headaches and more aches. Pumping was at an all-time low...:( Otherwise nursing lethargy and fatigue, there has been some press conferences and interviews...We also had our suits tailored and other preparations seen into. Meanwhile, I'm tuning into the Spirit more and more, being increasingly aware of my inadequacy and the largeness of the task. I need His grace and empowerment!!! Painfully aware of my humanity and limitations, and achingly hungry for the Gold, I am standing on Mercy ground. Will keep our preparations constantly updated at PD. :)